International Journal of Coercion, Abuse, and Manipulation Volume 9 2026 132
Anika and David Maintain Harsh Conscience
The harsh, perfectionist conscience that Anika
internalized from the cult remained a part of her
personality after she left. Her conscience revealed itself
by demanding that she always be productive, eat right,
and not “waste time” having fun.
After leaving the cult, Anika worked as a hatha yoga
teacher. Early on, she was insensitive to the rigid
demands she placed on her students—suburban
women who had never been in the cult. She felt
judgmental towards them if they attended classes for
exercise rather than a spiritual awakening, appeared
superficial, wore excessive makeup and jewelry, or did
not take their yoga studies seriously. While training
in India to become a yoga teacher, Anika devoted
herself to memorizing each yoga pose’s Sanskrit name.
Students she was now training to be yoga teachers were
not similarly dedicated to learning these Sanskrit terms
their lack of studentship surprised and disappointed
her. The harsh judgment that she experienced in the
cult had become a learned pattern that was repeated in
her post-cult relationships, making it difficult for her to
find friendships and intimacy. Over time, Anika began
to see how she was transferring her cult’s attitude of
perfection and purity to others. Anika also realized she
should not make assumptions about others based on
their appearance.
was using and exploiting me if the sexual
touch I had received was not a special
initiation but rather sexual abuse experienced
by many others if the purpose of my life,
which I believed was to become enlightened
like the cult leader, was no longer something
I believed in if the philosophical teachings I
had built my life around were simply leading
me to dissociate if many of my friendships
were not true, but rather a means to rise in the
hierarchy of the cult if, basically, every single
belief I had built my life around was a lie and
a cultic manipulation used to control me, what
do I have left? What is true? In what can I put
my faith? What do I believe? Who can I trust?
Can I trust myself when I cannot even identify
my own emotions because I am so deeply
dissociated?
Anika carried this cult-learned, judgmental attitude
into her marriage and judged her husband harshly.
Her husband had entered the cult as a young man and
had not been in a dissociated state before joining the
cult, so he was able to access his emotions long before
she was in touch with hers. He struggled with a variety
of feelings after the cult, and Anika initially judged
that he was less spiritual than she was and, therefore,
looked down on him. After leaving the cult, he felt
lost, anxious, frustrated, and angry. He dealt with these
feelings by consuming too much alcohol and exhibiting
poor self-care—going to bed late and eating poorly. Her
husband’s response can be seen as a continuation of the
harsh cult conscience that attacks the self for having
become involved in a cult. As an individual who was
raised in a cult, Anika did not attack herself for joining
in the way that her husband did. As a young man,
he traveled to India in search of a place where people
lived an elevated way of life, a place where they realized
the 60s’ ideal of the Age of Aquarius. He continues to
grapple with a profound sense of betrayal because the
cult promised love, light, and a direct experience of
God, but harbored a dark underbelly.
Like his mother, David initially judged people through
the lens of harsh cult views. After his parents gradually
began to leave the cult, he remained in a dissociative
state and tended to either surrender to others or
attempt to control them. However, after graduating
from college, David reports wanting to take ownership
of the direction of his life. To understand different
perspectives, he began reading and listening to podcasts
to explore how he wanted to live he felt free to agree
or disagree with each message. He was inspired to take
charge of his life after reading Extreme Ownership by a
former Navy SEAL, Jocko Willink (2015), and The Art
of War by Sun Tzu (n.d.). Although David continued
to set high standards for himself, he believed he could
pick and choose what inspiration to take from each of
these individuals’ philosophies. He was determined
to incorporate their principles rather than taking the
ideas as rules he must live by without question. David
knew from his cult experience that feelings of certainty
could be comforting, but he now wanted to try
tolerating a degree of uncertainty. He was experiencing
the freedom to use his own judgment to accept or reject
other people’s opinions. David was determined to live
his best possible life, defined by himself rather than
some external teacher.
Anika and David Maintain Harsh Conscience
The harsh, perfectionist conscience that Anika
internalized from the cult remained a part of her
personality after she left. Her conscience revealed itself
by demanding that she always be productive, eat right,
and not “waste time” having fun.
After leaving the cult, Anika worked as a hatha yoga
teacher. Early on, she was insensitive to the rigid
demands she placed on her students—suburban
women who had never been in the cult. She felt
judgmental towards them if they attended classes for
exercise rather than a spiritual awakening, appeared
superficial, wore excessive makeup and jewelry, or did
not take their yoga studies seriously. While training
in India to become a yoga teacher, Anika devoted
herself to memorizing each yoga pose’s Sanskrit name.
Students she was now training to be yoga teachers were
not similarly dedicated to learning these Sanskrit terms
their lack of studentship surprised and disappointed
her. The harsh judgment that she experienced in the
cult had become a learned pattern that was repeated in
her post-cult relationships, making it difficult for her to
find friendships and intimacy. Over time, Anika began
to see how she was transferring her cult’s attitude of
perfection and purity to others. Anika also realized she
should not make assumptions about others based on
their appearance.
was using and exploiting me if the sexual
touch I had received was not a special
initiation but rather sexual abuse experienced
by many others if the purpose of my life,
which I believed was to become enlightened
like the cult leader, was no longer something
I believed in if the philosophical teachings I
had built my life around were simply leading
me to dissociate if many of my friendships
were not true, but rather a means to rise in the
hierarchy of the cult if, basically, every single
belief I had built my life around was a lie and
a cultic manipulation used to control me, what
do I have left? What is true? In what can I put
my faith? What do I believe? Who can I trust?
Can I trust myself when I cannot even identify
my own emotions because I am so deeply
dissociated?
Anika carried this cult-learned, judgmental attitude
into her marriage and judged her husband harshly.
Her husband had entered the cult as a young man and
had not been in a dissociated state before joining the
cult, so he was able to access his emotions long before
she was in touch with hers. He struggled with a variety
of feelings after the cult, and Anika initially judged
that he was less spiritual than she was and, therefore,
looked down on him. After leaving the cult, he felt
lost, anxious, frustrated, and angry. He dealt with these
feelings by consuming too much alcohol and exhibiting
poor self-care—going to bed late and eating poorly. Her
husband’s response can be seen as a continuation of the
harsh cult conscience that attacks the self for having
become involved in a cult. As an individual who was
raised in a cult, Anika did not attack herself for joining
in the way that her husband did. As a young man,
he traveled to India in search of a place where people
lived an elevated way of life, a place where they realized
the 60s’ ideal of the Age of Aquarius. He continues to
grapple with a profound sense of betrayal because the
cult promised love, light, and a direct experience of
God, but harbored a dark underbelly.
Like his mother, David initially judged people through
the lens of harsh cult views. After his parents gradually
began to leave the cult, he remained in a dissociative
state and tended to either surrender to others or
attempt to control them. However, after graduating
from college, David reports wanting to take ownership
of the direction of his life. To understand different
perspectives, he began reading and listening to podcasts
to explore how he wanted to live he felt free to agree
or disagree with each message. He was inspired to take
charge of his life after reading Extreme Ownership by a
former Navy SEAL, Jocko Willink (2015), and The Art
of War by Sun Tzu (n.d.). Although David continued
to set high standards for himself, he believed he could
pick and choose what inspiration to take from each of
these individuals’ philosophies. He was determined
to incorporate their principles rather than taking the
ideas as rules he must live by without question. David
knew from his cult experience that feelings of certainty
could be comforting, but he now wanted to try
tolerating a degree of uncertainty. He was experiencing
the freedom to use his own judgment to accept or reject
other people’s opinions. David was determined to live
his best possible life, defined by himself rather than
some external teacher.
