International Journal of Coercion, Abuse, and Manipulation Volume 9 2026 130
affects the parents’ ability to calm their children. The
flight-or-freeze (dissociation) response to a stressful
state is antithetical to a natural state of calm in which
the mother communicates with her child through a
soothing connection and, in this manner, creates a
feeling of safety (Porges, 2009).
Therefore, due to dissociative and anxious child-
rearing, children raised in cults may struggle with
accessing their emotions and emotional regulation.
Consequently, they may, in turn, struggle with
dissociation, a high degree of anxiety, and difficulty
with emotional regulation as adults. According to
Whitsett (2014), cult parents
are continuously thrown off balance,
unintegrated. Their suppressed feelings often
are displaced onto their children. Their
normal stress response becomes hyperactive,
resulting in an inability to regulate their affect.
Additionally, it may be that the part of the
brain that modulates emotions has been
weakened through cultic practices that punish
critical thinking. (p. 4)
In a cult, once children and parents have incorporated
the cult leader’s attitude of contempt and disgust for
followers, they feel shame when they fail to achieve
perfection. Shaw (2014) describes how cult leaders,
often traumatizing narcissists, use these shame
dynamics to induce a
feeling self-loathing, and the helplessness
of unrequited dependency needs, the
traumatizing narcissist arranges to
keep dependency and its accompanying shame
external, assigned and belonging only to
others, to protect himself from self-loathing
and ultimately decomposition, literally
mortification or psychic death from shame.
(p. 6)
As a result, the cult has no room for humility or
compassion for human flaws. Therefore, to avoid these
negative feelings, cult parents stay hypervigilant and
strive for unattainable standards of perfection.
In Anika’s cult, children were taught to practice the
cult’s dissociation-inducing chanting and meditation,
which led to further suppression of their emotions.
As with other cult members, David felt shame when
experiencing negative emotions. To counter his
shame, he adopted mental models that allowed him
to dissociate and make himself feel better. David
now believes these models define truth as absolute
and universal, and that he dehumanized others in
an attempt to feel superior, for example, believing
everyone is worthless and a waste of time. David
defended against his shameful feelings by playing a
mind game, attempting to convince himself that he was
not in a “lower state” of being. David believes he grew
up without experiencing genuine empathy and, as a
result, developed a cold way of responding to others.
Both Anika and David used dissociation to deal with
the wounds they experienced while growing up in the
cult. David also struggled with chronic anxiety and,
therefore, emotional dysregulation.
Until the cult dynamics’ influence on child-rearing
was explored, Anika and David remained emotionally
distant from one another, and David continued to see
his mother as cold. However, during a series of Zoom
meetings, David and Anika had the opportunity to
reflect on and deconstruct their early communications
and experiences. They examined closely how the
dynamics of cult-influenced child-rearing behavior
impacted them and their relationship. As a result, and
through open self-examination, Anika and David began
to feel and express emotions with one another, such as
regret, sadness, humor, and joy. Simultaneously, their
ongoing understanding and conversations increased
their compassion for themselves and one another.
Genuine warmth and empathy began to emerge and
then flourish in their relationship. Presently, Anika
and David feel emotionally connected and can freely
express love for one another. David now recognizes
that his mother was dissociated rather than cold.
In “Ghosts in the Nursery,” Fraiberg, Adelson, and
Shapiro (1975) describe how visiting therapists became
empathic, curious witnesses to their clients who were
dissociated because of trauma. Over time, these clients
slowly became more resilient and empathic. They were
able to let go of dissociation and experience a range
of feelings, including grief, anger, happiness, and fear.
The authors’ findings align with those of Amy Siskind
(2001), who examines child-rearing practices in several
different cults. Siskind views the risk to children from
affects the parents’ ability to calm their children. The
flight-or-freeze (dissociation) response to a stressful
state is antithetical to a natural state of calm in which
the mother communicates with her child through a
soothing connection and, in this manner, creates a
feeling of safety (Porges, 2009).
Therefore, due to dissociative and anxious child-
rearing, children raised in cults may struggle with
accessing their emotions and emotional regulation.
Consequently, they may, in turn, struggle with
dissociation, a high degree of anxiety, and difficulty
with emotional regulation as adults. According to
Whitsett (2014), cult parents
are continuously thrown off balance,
unintegrated. Their suppressed feelings often
are displaced onto their children. Their
normal stress response becomes hyperactive,
resulting in an inability to regulate their affect.
Additionally, it may be that the part of the
brain that modulates emotions has been
weakened through cultic practices that punish
critical thinking. (p. 4)
In a cult, once children and parents have incorporated
the cult leader’s attitude of contempt and disgust for
followers, they feel shame when they fail to achieve
perfection. Shaw (2014) describes how cult leaders,
often traumatizing narcissists, use these shame
dynamics to induce a
feeling self-loathing, and the helplessness
of unrequited dependency needs, the
traumatizing narcissist arranges to
keep dependency and its accompanying shame
external, assigned and belonging only to
others, to protect himself from self-loathing
and ultimately decomposition, literally
mortification or psychic death from shame.
(p. 6)
As a result, the cult has no room for humility or
compassion for human flaws. Therefore, to avoid these
negative feelings, cult parents stay hypervigilant and
strive for unattainable standards of perfection.
In Anika’s cult, children were taught to practice the
cult’s dissociation-inducing chanting and meditation,
which led to further suppression of their emotions.
As with other cult members, David felt shame when
experiencing negative emotions. To counter his
shame, he adopted mental models that allowed him
to dissociate and make himself feel better. David
now believes these models define truth as absolute
and universal, and that he dehumanized others in
an attempt to feel superior, for example, believing
everyone is worthless and a waste of time. David
defended against his shameful feelings by playing a
mind game, attempting to convince himself that he was
not in a “lower state” of being. David believes he grew
up without experiencing genuine empathy and, as a
result, developed a cold way of responding to others.
Both Anika and David used dissociation to deal with
the wounds they experienced while growing up in the
cult. David also struggled with chronic anxiety and,
therefore, emotional dysregulation.
Until the cult dynamics’ influence on child-rearing
was explored, Anika and David remained emotionally
distant from one another, and David continued to see
his mother as cold. However, during a series of Zoom
meetings, David and Anika had the opportunity to
reflect on and deconstruct their early communications
and experiences. They examined closely how the
dynamics of cult-influenced child-rearing behavior
impacted them and their relationship. As a result, and
through open self-examination, Anika and David began
to feel and express emotions with one another, such as
regret, sadness, humor, and joy. Simultaneously, their
ongoing understanding and conversations increased
their compassion for themselves and one another.
Genuine warmth and empathy began to emerge and
then flourish in their relationship. Presently, Anika
and David feel emotionally connected and can freely
express love for one another. David now recognizes
that his mother was dissociated rather than cold.
In “Ghosts in the Nursery,” Fraiberg, Adelson, and
Shapiro (1975) describe how visiting therapists became
empathic, curious witnesses to their clients who were
dissociated because of trauma. Over time, these clients
slowly became more resilient and empathic. They were
able to let go of dissociation and experience a range
of feelings, including grief, anger, happiness, and fear.
The authors’ findings align with those of Amy Siskind
(2001), who examines child-rearing practices in several
different cults. Siskind views the risk to children from
