Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 2 No. 1 1985, Page 95
transgression. Mother in this case is not a ―nervous‖ type. She is cool, calm, and collected.
Father, on the other hand, ―can‘t control his temper.‖ As soon as Rhonda walks through the
door, he starts: ―You‘re uncaring. You‘re a hypocrite. How can you act like this toward us.
Your sister needs you and you waste your time obeying that goddamn tyrant.‖ Lisa‘s fear
mounts. ―The devil is in this household.‖ She hurries back to her shepherd, grateful for the
punishment he inflicts on her. Meanwhile, mother, realizing that father‘s emotion blew a
golden opportunity, loses her temper. Mother and father fight. Sandy gets depressed.
Rhonda continues to submit to her shepherd.
Such out-of-control parental anger and fear can cause much damage during all phases of
cult involvement. What can parents do? They can view emotional responses as learned
behavior, rather than mysterious, invasive forces. They can then try to modify their
characteristic emotional responses in the same way that other learned behaviors can be
modified. First, they can identify the types of situations in which disturbing emotions may
arise. This is easier said than done, for we are of ten much less aware of our emotions than
we think. How many times have we seen or been involved in this situation: Spouse A
grumbles. Spouse B says, ―What are you mad about?‖ Spouse A screams, ―I‘m not mad!‖
Spouse A, who is obviously angry, is either lying or unaware.
It is difficult to increase awareness of your emotional reactions simply through will power.
Generally, the awareness grows most readily through systematic practice. At first, it is
easier to try the retrospective approach. Keep a diary in which you can describe and analyze
emotional situations. What was the context? Your thoughts? Your feelings? Very often, there
is a one-to-one correspondence between thoughts and feelings: if you interpret a situation
as threatening (psychologically or physically), you will feel anxiety if you interpret an event
as a loss or as a defeat, you will feel sadness if you interpret an event as an assault on
your values, you will feel anger. Clearly, if your appraisal of a situation is incorrect (e.g.,
Lisa‘s mother), you will experience inappropriate and sometimes destructive emotions.
Hence, in writing your diary, keep asking the questions: ―Was my appraisal of the situation
correct? What alternative appraisals could I have considered?‖
As you become more aware of past emotion-inducing situations, you become better able to
predict future ones. You can then prepare for such situations by mentally rehearsing
alternate ways of dealing with them. If, for instance, you tend to ―catastrophize,‖ you may
repeatedly challenge the dire thoughts that are likely to enter your mind. If you usually
criticize your child‘s cult and thereby initiate a quarrel, you might mentally rehearse other
possible responses. You might make a list of other things you can talk about, so that you
and your child can have a pleasant visit.
Such anticipatory rehearsal can help you identify and practice constructive responses to
emotion-inducing situations. But often the real thing is a lot harder to master.
Consequently, you should use cues to Increase the likelihood of your remembering
constructive responses. Dieters, for example, will sometimes put a picture of a pig on their
refrigerator! That is a cue. Cultists‘ parents may prominently display a family picture to
remind them that their main concern is the family, not ―winning arguments.‖ Sometimes
spouses can act as cues for one another, agreeing beforehand on signals that will
communicate, ―shut up‖ or ―cool it‖ or what have you.
Gradually, through the use of systematic introspection, mental rehearsal of constructive
responses,, and cues you can modify disruptive emotional responses. If you are also
collecting valid information and communicating effectively with your child, you will be in a
much better position to help him .make an informed reevaluation of his cult involvement.
Overcominq communication barriers. Sometimes, even when parents have a rapport with
their child and possess good communication skills, communication is difficult because
circumstances or the cult interfere. If, for example, your child lives in a cult residence, he
transgression. Mother in this case is not a ―nervous‖ type. She is cool, calm, and collected.
Father, on the other hand, ―can‘t control his temper.‖ As soon as Rhonda walks through the
door, he starts: ―You‘re uncaring. You‘re a hypocrite. How can you act like this toward us.
Your sister needs you and you waste your time obeying that goddamn tyrant.‖ Lisa‘s fear
mounts. ―The devil is in this household.‖ She hurries back to her shepherd, grateful for the
punishment he inflicts on her. Meanwhile, mother, realizing that father‘s emotion blew a
golden opportunity, loses her temper. Mother and father fight. Sandy gets depressed.
Rhonda continues to submit to her shepherd.
Such out-of-control parental anger and fear can cause much damage during all phases of
cult involvement. What can parents do? They can view emotional responses as learned
behavior, rather than mysterious, invasive forces. They can then try to modify their
characteristic emotional responses in the same way that other learned behaviors can be
modified. First, they can identify the types of situations in which disturbing emotions may
arise. This is easier said than done, for we are of ten much less aware of our emotions than
we think. How many times have we seen or been involved in this situation: Spouse A
grumbles. Spouse B says, ―What are you mad about?‖ Spouse A screams, ―I‘m not mad!‖
Spouse A, who is obviously angry, is either lying or unaware.
It is difficult to increase awareness of your emotional reactions simply through will power.
Generally, the awareness grows most readily through systematic practice. At first, it is
easier to try the retrospective approach. Keep a diary in which you can describe and analyze
emotional situations. What was the context? Your thoughts? Your feelings? Very often, there
is a one-to-one correspondence between thoughts and feelings: if you interpret a situation
as threatening (psychologically or physically), you will feel anxiety if you interpret an event
as a loss or as a defeat, you will feel sadness if you interpret an event as an assault on
your values, you will feel anger. Clearly, if your appraisal of a situation is incorrect (e.g.,
Lisa‘s mother), you will experience inappropriate and sometimes destructive emotions.
Hence, in writing your diary, keep asking the questions: ―Was my appraisal of the situation
correct? What alternative appraisals could I have considered?‖
As you become more aware of past emotion-inducing situations, you become better able to
predict future ones. You can then prepare for such situations by mentally rehearsing
alternate ways of dealing with them. If, for instance, you tend to ―catastrophize,‖ you may
repeatedly challenge the dire thoughts that are likely to enter your mind. If you usually
criticize your child‘s cult and thereby initiate a quarrel, you might mentally rehearse other
possible responses. You might make a list of other things you can talk about, so that you
and your child can have a pleasant visit.
Such anticipatory rehearsal can help you identify and practice constructive responses to
emotion-inducing situations. But often the real thing is a lot harder to master.
Consequently, you should use cues to Increase the likelihood of your remembering
constructive responses. Dieters, for example, will sometimes put a picture of a pig on their
refrigerator! That is a cue. Cultists‘ parents may prominently display a family picture to
remind them that their main concern is the family, not ―winning arguments.‖ Sometimes
spouses can act as cues for one another, agreeing beforehand on signals that will
communicate, ―shut up‖ or ―cool it‖ or what have you.
Gradually, through the use of systematic introspection, mental rehearsal of constructive
responses,, and cues you can modify disruptive emotional responses. If you are also
collecting valid information and communicating effectively with your child, you will be in a
much better position to help him .make an informed reevaluation of his cult involvement.
Overcominq communication barriers. Sometimes, even when parents have a rapport with
their child and possess good communication skills, communication is difficult because
circumstances or the cult interfere. If, for example, your child lives in a cult residence, he
