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Caretaker and exploitative relationships, however, are sometimes appropriate. Using
manipulative, behavior-modification methods to treat the mentally retarded, for example, is
often an acceptable caretaker mode of influence. Exploitative relationships may sometimes
be acceptable (e.g., undercover police work), but usually are, at best, merely tolerated
(e.g., shady sales practices), sometimes within legally defined boundaries (e.g., consumer
protection laws).
In the caretaker and exploitation quadrants, one finds cultic relationships, which, according
to Margaret Singer, are ―those relationships in which a person intentionally induces others
to become totally or nearly totally dependent on him or her for almost all major life
decisions, and inculcates in these followers a belief that he or she has some special talent,
gift, or knowledge‖ (Singer, in press). Hence, if one enters into an inappropriate caretaker
relationship (e.g., a therapist with a relatively well functioning client) or an exploitative
relationship and exacerbates one‘s ethical transgression by carrying the relationship to a
point where one is running another‘s life, one has established a cultic relationship. Although
in extreme cases, existing laws permit some redress, our society, for the most part,
tolerates such relationships in the interest of preserving freedom. (There have, however,
been unsuccessful attempts to extend state regulation in this area, e.g., a conservatorship
bill in the state of New Jersey, c.f., Jersey conservatorship bill draws support, criticism, The
Advisor, April/May 1983).
Because of our society‘s toleration of such cultic relationships, cultists‘ parents will often feel
much anger and frustration. They are angry because they see their child being exploited
they are frustrated because they feel helpless to do anything about it.
Whether or not society should pass legislation extending state regulation over cultic
relationships is not a concern of this paper (see Delgado, 1984, Luckstead &Martel, 1982
and Robbins, Shepherd, &McBride, in press, for discussions of legal issues). The paper
attempts, instead, to offer suggestions on how parents can respond constructively, given
the existing legal and ethical context.
This legal/ethical context bears on the parents‘ actions, as well as their evaluation of the
cult‘s behavior toward their child. Involuntary deprogramming, for example, poses serious
legal risks (as well as ethical questions), regardless of how justified it may seem to parents
who consider it. In addition, one would have to question the ethical propriety of parents‘
resorting to manipulative techniques of influence merely to alleviate their own anxiety, e.g.,
because their child‘s behavior embarrasses them. Although less dubious, the establishment
of a caretaker relationship with an adult child would also tend to arouse suspicion, even
though it may. sometimes be appropriate.
The suggestions made in this paper tend to fall in the self-development quadrant in that the
parents‘ behavior would tend to be open, respectful, and concerned with the child‘s well-
being. A sense of manipulativeness may enter the relationship, but this is usually because
an appropriate resolution of the conflict between parent and child demands self-control and
deliberation on the parents‘ part. They may, for example, sometimes find it necessary to
have hidden agendas. The level of manipulativeness they may need to employ, however, is
relatively low. Furthermore, assuming that their child is, in fact, the victim of a cultic
relationship, a moderate caretaker mode is justified because a) the cultist‘s autonomy and
judgment have been diminished, b) the cultist is harmed by the cultic relationship, and c) a
person‘s family traditionally has more ethical latitude in social influence processes involving
him than do persons from outside the family.
In conclusion, if they want to maintain their ethical bearings, parents should continually
monitor the ethical propriety of their actions. They should avoid using manipulative
techniques of influence In order merely to fulfill their goals or needs. And they should make

Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 2 No. 1 1985, Page 92
sure that a caretaker mode of relating is called for before resorting to manipulative methods
aimed at fulfilling goals and needs of their child.
Promoting Voluntary Reevaluation
Collecting Information
Some workers in this field use the terms ―voluntary deprogramming‖ or ―exit counseling‖ to
describe the helping process I describe. I prefer the term ―reevaluation counseling!‘ because
it is not ―loaded,‖ as are the other two. Parents or helping professionals who want to
Initiate a process of voluntary deprogramming or exit counseling assume, in the first case,
that the cultist is ―programmed‖ or, in the second case, that he should necessarily ―exit‖
from the cult. Sometimes these assumptions may be warranted, e.g., when the person is
obviously troubled because of practices in a group known to be destructive. But frequently
this is not the case. More and more individuals caught up in cultic relationships belong to
lesser known groups or to groups that are not clearly destructive, at least not to all
members. Furthermore, the high level of negative news coverage concerning cults inclines
some parents to deem a group destructive simply because it appears unorthodox.
Therefore, I believe one more easily maintains his ethical bearings if he remains open to the
possibility that the individual in question may not be a victim of a cultic relationship.
Assuming plausible reasons for concern about one‘s child, a parent‘s goal should be to help
the child make a voluntary, informed reevaluation of his group involvement, i.e., to find out
whether the concern is warranted and whether the child in question shares that concern
after coming to understand it. Consequently, obtaining valid information is a critical aspect
of any attempt to help a convert voluntarily reevaluate his involvement in a possibly cultic
group.
Parents have six primary sources of information to help them determine whether or not
their child is the victim of a cultic relationship and to understand the nature of that
relationship. (1) readings, including publications of the group in question, as well as articles
and books written about the group (2) cult-watcher organizations and individuals, e.g., the
Citizens Freedom Foundation, and professionals knowledgeable about cults (3) ex-
members of the group in question (4) current members of the group in question (5) their
own observations of the group and their child and (6) their child.
Parents should consider and evaluate information from all of these sources. Each has Its
strong and weak points. Although publications produced by the group in question may be
self-serving, they may, nonetheless, help parents better understand what their child
believes and may prepare them to discuss those beliefs at the appropriate time. Outside
written analyses of the group can be very valuable if they are not biased or sensational.
Cult-watcher organizations and individuals sometimes have information that has not made
its way into the public arena, although they do have a tendency to collect mainly critical
information and, therefore, may not present a rounded picture of the group in question. Ex-
members, not all of whom are categorically critical of their groups, frequently have a
uniquely valuable understanding of the group. Conversations with current members can be
useful, not only because of the information they provide, but also because talking with them
gives parents an opportunity to study the group‘s communication methods and other
practices. These kinds of parental observations should be supplemented by analysis of their
child‘s behavior, especially behavior that seems out of character. And lastly, parents
should never underestimate the value of information that their own child can provide.
Unfortunately, once parents do become concerned, their emotions often get in the way of
communicating with their child or taking advantage of other information sources. For this
reason, learning how to communicate effectively and to deal with emotions are the first
challenges most cultists‘ parents confront.