Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 60
support group is not near you, consider a church support group, or a trauma or
rape support group for families. The issues are often very similar, and you need
support systems, too.
My Loved One Was Fooled
Yes, he was. That may be embarrassing for you. It is embarrassing for him, too.
He was fooled, and it cost both of you. Is he still credible? If he got tricked
once, won't he get tricked again? You ask that question of him and he responds
with a hearty "no way."
Still, you're not sure. He's been home several months now, but you decide to
keep an eye on him for awhile longer. "It's for his own good," you tell yourself.
How do you think your adult loved one feels knowing you're doing this?
A Critical Difference
You have made poor choices, but you managed to spring back. Why? Because
you had something you're assuming the ex-cultist had, but did not. This missing
piece is the reason you could spring back after being tricked and he could not.
You had the freedom to reason. Your loved one did not. As bizarre as this may
sound, unbeknownst to your loved one, inhibitors were placed in his mind which
prevented the mind from reasoning. These inhibitors were reinforced by the
cult's teachings and activities. Without the ability to reason, he could not leave.
You may have a hard time grasping this because it stands in stark contrast to
the myth of America, the Land of the Free, and our macho images of John
Wayne and George Patton. But the cults have managed to capitalize on the
human condition and on the limitations of our socialization processes. The cults
have developed a methodology that can control people remotely. It's scary, but
it's manageable.
Know the Force
If you are embarrassed by your loved one's involvement in a cult, you need to
understand the power of these psychological forces better. Once you do, you
won't be embarrassed, but you will be accepting, forgiving, and supportive. You
won't doubt his credibility because you will understand the forces that controlled
him. Now that those forces are being dismantled, the loved one's autonomy and
self-direction are returning. He has credibility.
To understand mind control is to recognize your own vulnerability. For many
weak parents, accepting their own vulnerability is too frightening. They cling to
their myths of power and control, insisting that their child could have and should
have known better than to get involved with the cult. They see this experience
as a weakness in their child, instead of a reality of the human condition. They
alienate their child and load a difficult recovery process with unnecessary guilt
and shame. Don't be one of these parents!!
support group is not near you, consider a church support group, or a trauma or
rape support group for families. The issues are often very similar, and you need
support systems, too.
My Loved One Was Fooled
Yes, he was. That may be embarrassing for you. It is embarrassing for him, too.
He was fooled, and it cost both of you. Is he still credible? If he got tricked
once, won't he get tricked again? You ask that question of him and he responds
with a hearty "no way."
Still, you're not sure. He's been home several months now, but you decide to
keep an eye on him for awhile longer. "It's for his own good," you tell yourself.
How do you think your adult loved one feels knowing you're doing this?
A Critical Difference
You have made poor choices, but you managed to spring back. Why? Because
you had something you're assuming the ex-cultist had, but did not. This missing
piece is the reason you could spring back after being tricked and he could not.
You had the freedom to reason. Your loved one did not. As bizarre as this may
sound, unbeknownst to your loved one, inhibitors were placed in his mind which
prevented the mind from reasoning. These inhibitors were reinforced by the
cult's teachings and activities. Without the ability to reason, he could not leave.
You may have a hard time grasping this because it stands in stark contrast to
the myth of America, the Land of the Free, and our macho images of John
Wayne and George Patton. But the cults have managed to capitalize on the
human condition and on the limitations of our socialization processes. The cults
have developed a methodology that can control people remotely. It's scary, but
it's manageable.
Know the Force
If you are embarrassed by your loved one's involvement in a cult, you need to
understand the power of these psychological forces better. Once you do, you
won't be embarrassed, but you will be accepting, forgiving, and supportive. You
won't doubt his credibility because you will understand the forces that controlled
him. Now that those forces are being dismantled, the loved one's autonomy and
self-direction are returning. He has credibility.
To understand mind control is to recognize your own vulnerability. For many
weak parents, accepting their own vulnerability is too frightening. They cling to
their myths of power and control, insisting that their child could have and should
have known better than to get involved with the cult. They see this experience
as a weakness in their child, instead of a reality of the human condition. They
alienate their child and load a difficult recovery process with unnecessary guilt
and shame. Don't be one of these parents!!
