Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 39
While you were in the cult you were not allowed to explore your own
uniqueness. Residual suggestions of what is right for you as defined by the cult
may still be a part of your thinking. If you make unalterable decisions too
quickly right now, such as marriage and children, they may be the wrong
decisions for you. Give yourself time, perhaps at least one year, before making
any unalterable decisions.
Exercise- Sexual Behavior
List your concerns and fears about sex. Discuss these with someone you trust.
What topics do you want more information about? Check your library for reliable
books and articles on these topics. Also, consider discussing your questions with
your doctor or health care practitioner
Depression
Every ex-cultist I have known has experienced depression. It varies in length
and intensity. Those who don't experience depression may be denying their
feelings of sadness and hopelessness. Some types of depression require
medication. If you cannot work through your depression, you might want to
consider medication prescribed by a trained and competent psychiatrist. Be sure
to eat right and get plenty of rest (see Appendix D.)
Deceived
There is no doubt about it, recognizing you were deceived, manipulated, and
controlled is enraging. What a sense of being lied to and of being conned! What
a sense of being deceived! For many, it is a sense of violation akin only to rape-
the rape of the mind.
Cults don't stop with the mind, though. They rape your soul and your
spirituality. They rape the very dreams that make you who you are. "What is it
you would like in your life or in the world that isn't there now?" they ask. And
we, innocent of the trap before us, told them our dreams, such as a world at
peace, more love between people, harmony in the home, financial stability,
inner peace, a meaningful job, a meaningful life.
We trusted them to show us the pathway. We gave up family, friends, careers,
loved ones, educations, and more to follow a dream. The dream became a fog.
When the fog cleared, we'd been had-big time. We'd lost a lot.
It takes time to grieve the loss of all these many things. Sometimes the pain of
grieving can become so intense that people deny or repress the pain. They insist
on "getting on with things" and tell themselves that everything is fine.
Inevitably, the pain will need to be processed and this neglected wound will cry
out for attention when least expected. It is helpful to moderate the pain so as
not to become immobilized, but the pain still needs to be felt and the loss still
needs to be grieved. This takes time and courage. It also takes permission from
you and from your environment.
While you were in the cult you were not allowed to explore your own
uniqueness. Residual suggestions of what is right for you as defined by the cult
may still be a part of your thinking. If you make unalterable decisions too
quickly right now, such as marriage and children, they may be the wrong
decisions for you. Give yourself time, perhaps at least one year, before making
any unalterable decisions.
Exercise- Sexual Behavior
List your concerns and fears about sex. Discuss these with someone you trust.
What topics do you want more information about? Check your library for reliable
books and articles on these topics. Also, consider discussing your questions with
your doctor or health care practitioner
Depression
Every ex-cultist I have known has experienced depression. It varies in length
and intensity. Those who don't experience depression may be denying their
feelings of sadness and hopelessness. Some types of depression require
medication. If you cannot work through your depression, you might want to
consider medication prescribed by a trained and competent psychiatrist. Be sure
to eat right and get plenty of rest (see Appendix D.)
Deceived
There is no doubt about it, recognizing you were deceived, manipulated, and
controlled is enraging. What a sense of being lied to and of being conned! What
a sense of being deceived! For many, it is a sense of violation akin only to rape-
the rape of the mind.
Cults don't stop with the mind, though. They rape your soul and your
spirituality. They rape the very dreams that make you who you are. "What is it
you would like in your life or in the world that isn't there now?" they ask. And
we, innocent of the trap before us, told them our dreams, such as a world at
peace, more love between people, harmony in the home, financial stability,
inner peace, a meaningful job, a meaningful life.
We trusted them to show us the pathway. We gave up family, friends, careers,
loved ones, educations, and more to follow a dream. The dream became a fog.
When the fog cleared, we'd been had-big time. We'd lost a lot.
It takes time to grieve the loss of all these many things. Sometimes the pain of
grieving can become so intense that people deny or repress the pain. They insist
on "getting on with things" and tell themselves that everything is fine.
Inevitably, the pain will need to be processed and this neglected wound will cry
out for attention when least expected. It is helpful to moderate the pain so as
not to become immobilized, but the pain still needs to be felt and the loss still
needs to be grieved. This takes time and courage. It also takes permission from
you and from your environment.
