Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 6
cruelly used. This is a very difficult aspect of the experience to reconcile. "What
ever did I do to be treated like this?" is a question that rings deep in the heart
of any ex-cultist. The answer to this question resides in understanding how
mind control techniques work.
It is no wonder, then, that the rage and anger the ex-cultist feels is often
overwhelming and frightening. So much so, that many tend to repress or deny
the full expression of their emotions. But understanding and feeling one's
emotions in a nondestructive way, I believe, is critical to recovery.
This second phase can be an extraordinary journey through pain and loss to
learning and mastery. It varies in length and is dependent on how able the ex-
cultist is to experience loss and how disciplined the ex-cultist is to study, think,
and work toward a thorough understanding of the experience.
Learning to Trust Again
One of the truly tough parts about working through the experience is the very
fact that it's a very big job. The ex-cultist must learn how to trust life again, and
learning to trust requires learning how to test reality. Because the cult phobias
and teachings often touched on many aspects of life, such as family,
government, education, religion, relationships, and economics, the ex-cultist
often finds it necessary to examine and reality test most, if not all, of the
teachings received in the cult for subtle, residual ideas that continue to
manipulate the ex-cultist.
In addition, it is in this phase that individuals must learn again how to trust
themselves and their ability to make decisions. Learning to trust after you have
been used and hurt can be very scary, but trust in yourself and in others can be
rebuilt with disciplined thinking and courage.
For those who come from dysfunctional backgrounds, recovering from the cult
experience often means acknowledging and recovering from the effects of
earlier patterns (Black, 1982), such as:
• Abusive parents, relatives, siblings, spouse
• Behaving abusively toward others
• Alcoholism, rape, incest, eating disorders, drug abuse
• Difficulties with intimacy, careers, law enforcement
If ex-cultists are willing to "roll up their sleeves" and "dig their heels in," and to
work through and out of the past, then they can move onto Phase Three, that of
rebuilding one's life and building toward a dream.
Phase Three -Rebuilding and Dreaming
To someone in the middle of the pain of Phase Two, the idea of having a dream
again and building toward it is merely a sad, frustrating, and painful laugh.
Having spent many years in Phase Two, I understand that despondent feeling
very well.
cruelly used. This is a very difficult aspect of the experience to reconcile. "What
ever did I do to be treated like this?" is a question that rings deep in the heart
of any ex-cultist. The answer to this question resides in understanding how
mind control techniques work.
It is no wonder, then, that the rage and anger the ex-cultist feels is often
overwhelming and frightening. So much so, that many tend to repress or deny
the full expression of their emotions. But understanding and feeling one's
emotions in a nondestructive way, I believe, is critical to recovery.
This second phase can be an extraordinary journey through pain and loss to
learning and mastery. It varies in length and is dependent on how able the ex-
cultist is to experience loss and how disciplined the ex-cultist is to study, think,
and work toward a thorough understanding of the experience.
Learning to Trust Again
One of the truly tough parts about working through the experience is the very
fact that it's a very big job. The ex-cultist must learn how to trust life again, and
learning to trust requires learning how to test reality. Because the cult phobias
and teachings often touched on many aspects of life, such as family,
government, education, religion, relationships, and economics, the ex-cultist
often finds it necessary to examine and reality test most, if not all, of the
teachings received in the cult for subtle, residual ideas that continue to
manipulate the ex-cultist.
In addition, it is in this phase that individuals must learn again how to trust
themselves and their ability to make decisions. Learning to trust after you have
been used and hurt can be very scary, but trust in yourself and in others can be
rebuilt with disciplined thinking and courage.
For those who come from dysfunctional backgrounds, recovering from the cult
experience often means acknowledging and recovering from the effects of
earlier patterns (Black, 1982), such as:
• Abusive parents, relatives, siblings, spouse
• Behaving abusively toward others
• Alcoholism, rape, incest, eating disorders, drug abuse
• Difficulties with intimacy, careers, law enforcement
If ex-cultists are willing to "roll up their sleeves" and "dig their heels in," and to
work through and out of the past, then they can move onto Phase Three, that of
rebuilding one's life and building toward a dream.
Phase Three -Rebuilding and Dreaming
To someone in the middle of the pain of Phase Two, the idea of having a dream
again and building toward it is merely a sad, frustrating, and painful laugh.
Having spent many years in Phase Two, I understand that despondent feeling
very well.
