Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 22
to tell people about your cult experience, and you don't have to hide it either.
However, you do need to learn to assess when and with whom it is appropriate
to talk about your experience. This is true at work as well as elsewhere.
It is often not appropriate to talk about your experiences at work, at least until
you get very good at how to do it without overwhelming and frightening people.
For the first several months, you may want to concentrate on just two things:
doing the task and getting along with others. As you get to know people and
you feel comfortable with them, you can try building a friendship and trusting
them: first with little bits of your story, and, if they prove themselves supportive
and understanding, you can later trust them with more.
Early in recovery you will want to tell everyone about what happened to you.
This is normal. However, try to "let the steam out" with people outside of work
until you are comfortable with how to tell your story.
Working with a Cultist
This slow approach to talking about your cult experience at work is also helpful
considering that some of the people you work with may be in a cult. You don't
need to save them. You need to take care of yourself first.
If you decide you want to confront someone about his or her cult involvement,
assess whether others in the office are also in this cult, and, if so, what any
confrontation on your part will do to your job security. If you decide you want to
continue, invite the person off the work site and mention that you have heard
that their group may have some questionable practices. If the person is
interested in knowing more (be careful that this is not merely a recruiting
tactic), offer to give or to get information.
If you are going to confront cultists, realize that you should also be willing to
take some responsibility for helping them with recovery. You cannot open the
door and then leave them stranded. It is my opinion that you should first take
care of your own recovery and then later reach out to others. (See Getting
Healthy to Help Others, p. 40.)
Summary
It is extremely painful to realize that those who have professed to love and care
for you have, in truth, exploited and used you for their own gain. There is,
however, a great sense of relief in getting away from the excessive demands,
intimidation, and manipulation of the group and its leader(s). Leaving is filled
with difficult emotions. The experience has been a trauma to the self. Once you
are out, it is necessary to integrate the experience and thereby heal the self.
to tell people about your cult experience, and you don't have to hide it either.
However, you do need to learn to assess when and with whom it is appropriate
to talk about your experience. This is true at work as well as elsewhere.
It is often not appropriate to talk about your experiences at work, at least until
you get very good at how to do it without overwhelming and frightening people.
For the first several months, you may want to concentrate on just two things:
doing the task and getting along with others. As you get to know people and
you feel comfortable with them, you can try building a friendship and trusting
them: first with little bits of your story, and, if they prove themselves supportive
and understanding, you can later trust them with more.
Early in recovery you will want to tell everyone about what happened to you.
This is normal. However, try to "let the steam out" with people outside of work
until you are comfortable with how to tell your story.
Working with a Cultist
This slow approach to talking about your cult experience at work is also helpful
considering that some of the people you work with may be in a cult. You don't
need to save them. You need to take care of yourself first.
If you decide you want to confront someone about his or her cult involvement,
assess whether others in the office are also in this cult, and, if so, what any
confrontation on your part will do to your job security. If you decide you want to
continue, invite the person off the work site and mention that you have heard
that their group may have some questionable practices. If the person is
interested in knowing more (be careful that this is not merely a recruiting
tactic), offer to give or to get information.
If you are going to confront cultists, realize that you should also be willing to
take some responsibility for helping them with recovery. You cannot open the
door and then leave them stranded. It is my opinion that you should first take
care of your own recovery and then later reach out to others. (See Getting
Healthy to Help Others, p. 40.)
Summary
It is extremely painful to realize that those who have professed to love and care
for you have, in truth, exploited and used you for their own gain. There is,
however, a great sense of relief in getting away from the excessive demands,
intimidation, and manipulation of the group and its leader(s). Leaving is filled
with difficult emotions. The experience has been a trauma to the self. Once you
are out, it is necessary to integrate the experience and thereby heal the self.
