Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 51
A Smidgen of Truth
The cult taught many myths. Part of what makes recovering from a cult
experience so very difficult and why I said it takes time, mental discipline, and
courage is that each part of these myths has some small kernel of truth to it.
But the truth is gnarled into the myths as the roots of grass are gnarled into the
dirt. Separating the lie from reality can be subtle and hard work. Unless one
works through the recovery process, these myths will remain intermingled in the
mind and continue to distort reality for years.
Goodbye Myths, Hello Responsibility
To let go of a myth is to change yourself. For example, if you stop believing the
myth that your lover is the right person for you in all ways, then you have to
figure out what to do when your lover is not enough. You will need to develop
other supportive relationships with people. There is a risk associated with this.
There may be interpersonal skills you will need to develop. There is work that
follows the letting go of a myth. And there is the sorrow and grief of losing the
myth.
In order to heal and feel safe, I have had to discard many myths. Myths about
what friendship should be, what God should be, what love should be (this is
really a tough one), what a relationship should be, what a boss should be, what
a job should be, what anything should be. I know letting go of myths is part of
growing up and I realize it's necessary to healing, but it's still very hard to do. It
is hard to accept that there are no easy answers in a society addicted to quick
fixes.
Shortcuts and Distortions
Life can be very complex and myths can provide shortcuts to processing
information. When these myths or ideas are exploited by abusive groups or the
media, they have the power to distort expectations and manipulate behavior in
very subtle ways (Cialdini, 1984). When people rely on the shortcut and stop
thinking about what a myth really means or how it affects us, this can hide
problems.
Our culture is drowning in myths. Myths are buried deep in our songs and rituals
reinforced by well-meaning but not critically thinking families and friends. It's
very scary for an ex-cultist, who has been manipulated, raped, and robbed by
subtle and unquestioned ideas, to emerge from the cult experience into a
society which is manipulated by subtle and unquestioned ideas.
It's nerve-wracking to try to develop friendships and support systems with
people who cannot see how they are being manipulated by images and ideas
around them, when it was this same lack of awareness of manipulative systems
that enabled us to be conned into a cult which later almost destroyed us,
certainly robbed us.
Untangling and Evaluating
It takes work and more work to untangle these "grassroots" as I call them,
these intertwined half-truths which permeate our culture and permeated the
A Smidgen of Truth
The cult taught many myths. Part of what makes recovering from a cult
experience so very difficult and why I said it takes time, mental discipline, and
courage is that each part of these myths has some small kernel of truth to it.
But the truth is gnarled into the myths as the roots of grass are gnarled into the
dirt. Separating the lie from reality can be subtle and hard work. Unless one
works through the recovery process, these myths will remain intermingled in the
mind and continue to distort reality for years.
Goodbye Myths, Hello Responsibility
To let go of a myth is to change yourself. For example, if you stop believing the
myth that your lover is the right person for you in all ways, then you have to
figure out what to do when your lover is not enough. You will need to develop
other supportive relationships with people. There is a risk associated with this.
There may be interpersonal skills you will need to develop. There is work that
follows the letting go of a myth. And there is the sorrow and grief of losing the
myth.
In order to heal and feel safe, I have had to discard many myths. Myths about
what friendship should be, what God should be, what love should be (this is
really a tough one), what a relationship should be, what a boss should be, what
a job should be, what anything should be. I know letting go of myths is part of
growing up and I realize it's necessary to healing, but it's still very hard to do. It
is hard to accept that there are no easy answers in a society addicted to quick
fixes.
Shortcuts and Distortions
Life can be very complex and myths can provide shortcuts to processing
information. When these myths or ideas are exploited by abusive groups or the
media, they have the power to distort expectations and manipulate behavior in
very subtle ways (Cialdini, 1984). When people rely on the shortcut and stop
thinking about what a myth really means or how it affects us, this can hide
problems.
Our culture is drowning in myths. Myths are buried deep in our songs and rituals
reinforced by well-meaning but not critically thinking families and friends. It's
very scary for an ex-cultist, who has been manipulated, raped, and robbed by
subtle and unquestioned ideas, to emerge from the cult experience into a
society which is manipulated by subtle and unquestioned ideas.
It's nerve-wracking to try to develop friendships and support systems with
people who cannot see how they are being manipulated by images and ideas
around them, when it was this same lack of awareness of manipulative systems
that enabled us to be conned into a cult which later almost destroyed us,
certainly robbed us.
Untangling and Evaluating
It takes work and more work to untangle these "grassroots" as I call them,
these intertwined half-truths which permeate our culture and permeated the
