Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 27
comfortable going alone, invite a family member or friend. After so many years
of not having you around, they may be glad for the opportunity to be with you
again. Is there a local art show, little league, or town fair? Maybe offer to help.
Exercise- Reconnecting
List the interests, activities, and sports that you were involved with before the
group experience (example: thespian, musician, hockey)? What role did you
play in these activities (example: stage manager, flutist, goalie)? Which
activities did you enjoy the most? What was it about the activity that you liked?
What outlets for your interests are available in your community? What new
interests might you enjoy pursuing?
Small Talk
If you notice someone you'd like to meet, engage in small talk. You may feel
awkward at first, as if you're setting them up to be recruited. I felt this way for
a while, too. I also felt uncomfortable with small talk because it seemed trivial.
I have come to appreciate, though, that small talk is a key part of evaluating
listeners, as well as helping them to assess you. When you make small talk,
there are actually several things going on:
You are identifying common interests. Instead of jumping into an instant
friendship, you can evaluate whether or not you have enough in common with
this person to make the effort worthwhile to you.
You are identifying personality styles. In the real world people are different.
They approach problems differently and interact with others differently. You
may not want to become friends with someone who approaches life too
differently from you. On the other hand, you may be tired of the same types of
people and want a friend who offers a different perspective and approach to life.
For example, you may be shy and feel bullied around someone too aggressive.
You may be very analytical and find yourself annoyed with someone who would
rather be friendly than think about a problem. You may be people-oriented and
would feel bored and intimidated with someone who is task-oriented.
You are assessing their credibility. What are their life and work experiences?
How do they know about the subject you're both discussing? Can they look you
in the eye while you are talking? Are they listening to you when you speak or do
they want to do all the talking? Do they interrupt frequently? How do they
respond to what you're saying? Are they supportive, critical, judgmental, or
validating?
Small talk enables you to evaluate people before you confide in them too deeply
and trust them only to be later disappointed. It may be called "small talk," but it
can be an important part of evaluating people's credibility.
Yes, I'd Like to Get to Know You
If you decide you want to get to: know someone better, you could ask him or
comfortable going alone, invite a family member or friend. After so many years
of not having you around, they may be glad for the opportunity to be with you
again. Is there a local art show, little league, or town fair? Maybe offer to help.
Exercise- Reconnecting
List the interests, activities, and sports that you were involved with before the
group experience (example: thespian, musician, hockey)? What role did you
play in these activities (example: stage manager, flutist, goalie)? Which
activities did you enjoy the most? What was it about the activity that you liked?
What outlets for your interests are available in your community? What new
interests might you enjoy pursuing?
Small Talk
If you notice someone you'd like to meet, engage in small talk. You may feel
awkward at first, as if you're setting them up to be recruited. I felt this way for
a while, too. I also felt uncomfortable with small talk because it seemed trivial.
I have come to appreciate, though, that small talk is a key part of evaluating
listeners, as well as helping them to assess you. When you make small talk,
there are actually several things going on:
You are identifying common interests. Instead of jumping into an instant
friendship, you can evaluate whether or not you have enough in common with
this person to make the effort worthwhile to you.
You are identifying personality styles. In the real world people are different.
They approach problems differently and interact with others differently. You
may not want to become friends with someone who approaches life too
differently from you. On the other hand, you may be tired of the same types of
people and want a friend who offers a different perspective and approach to life.
For example, you may be shy and feel bullied around someone too aggressive.
You may be very analytical and find yourself annoyed with someone who would
rather be friendly than think about a problem. You may be people-oriented and
would feel bored and intimidated with someone who is task-oriented.
You are assessing their credibility. What are their life and work experiences?
How do they know about the subject you're both discussing? Can they look you
in the eye while you are talking? Are they listening to you when you speak or do
they want to do all the talking? Do they interrupt frequently? How do they
respond to what you're saying? Are they supportive, critical, judgmental, or
validating?
Small talk enables you to evaluate people before you confide in them too deeply
and trust them only to be later disappointed. It may be called "small talk," but it
can be an important part of evaluating people's credibility.
Yes, I'd Like to Get to Know You
If you decide you want to get to: know someone better, you could ask him or
