Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 37
basic health issues. My comments here are for those who were isolated from
basic information.
Sex is a pretty loaded issue these days even if you haven't been in a cult. Sex
can be particularly loaded for ex-cultists, because some abusive groups use sex
to recruit members or to keep them in. Many cult leaders have sex with
opposite and same-sex members even when they have preached abstinence to
their followers. Many ex-cultists did not engage in sex while devotees, while
others were coerced into sex with another follower, a group of followers, and/or
the leader. Some were married within the cult and were given only certain dates
and times when they could engage in sex.
A Few Pointers
It is very common for ex-cultists either to shy away from and fear sex,
especially if it was taboo in the cult, or be promiscuous. However you choose to
behave now, I offer a few pointers:
1. First, you are making memories and affecting the life of another person in
a unique way. Make memories you will want to keep by being sensitive,
respectful, and responsible about sharing sex. The golden rule is timeless.
2. Second, practice safe sex. Casual sex today is potentially deadly. That
doesn't mean you can't share sex, but you must practice safe sex or risk
killing yourself and anyone else with whom you are physically intimate.
3. Third, avoid excessive drinking with sex. Don't let alcohol impair your
judgment about practicing safe sex! You don't want an unplanned
pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease to impair your recovery.
Easy Does It
If you are shy about sex or unsure about whether you want to engage in sex,
that's fine, too. Take your time. It is a very special and sometimes a very
vulnerable experience to open yourself up physically to another person. Take
the time you need to feel comfortable and safe. Talk over your feelings with
your partner, trusted friend or family member, or counselor.
If you were sexually abused before or during the cult or abused others, seek
medical and/or therapeutic help. Many people also experience sexual
dysfunction at some time in their life, whether in a cult or not. Take time to
work out the underlying physical and/or psychological problems.
Above all, be patient and gentle with yourself. Don't let the media hype about
sex and the cultural emphasis on performance push you into sex before it's
what you want or in a manner that is not what you want.
Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
Some abusive groups had their followers use sex as a way to recruit new
members. Some abusive groups practiced group sex. Some followers were used
for sex by their leaders. If you were in a cult that practiced unsafe sex (sex
without condoms or sex with multiple partners), you owe it to yourself to be
basic health issues. My comments here are for those who were isolated from
basic information.
Sex is a pretty loaded issue these days even if you haven't been in a cult. Sex
can be particularly loaded for ex-cultists, because some abusive groups use sex
to recruit members or to keep them in. Many cult leaders have sex with
opposite and same-sex members even when they have preached abstinence to
their followers. Many ex-cultists did not engage in sex while devotees, while
others were coerced into sex with another follower, a group of followers, and/or
the leader. Some were married within the cult and were given only certain dates
and times when they could engage in sex.
A Few Pointers
It is very common for ex-cultists either to shy away from and fear sex,
especially if it was taboo in the cult, or be promiscuous. However you choose to
behave now, I offer a few pointers:
1. First, you are making memories and affecting the life of another person in
a unique way. Make memories you will want to keep by being sensitive,
respectful, and responsible about sharing sex. The golden rule is timeless.
2. Second, practice safe sex. Casual sex today is potentially deadly. That
doesn't mean you can't share sex, but you must practice safe sex or risk
killing yourself and anyone else with whom you are physically intimate.
3. Third, avoid excessive drinking with sex. Don't let alcohol impair your
judgment about practicing safe sex! You don't want an unplanned
pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease to impair your recovery.
Easy Does It
If you are shy about sex or unsure about whether you want to engage in sex,
that's fine, too. Take your time. It is a very special and sometimes a very
vulnerable experience to open yourself up physically to another person. Take
the time you need to feel comfortable and safe. Talk over your feelings with
your partner, trusted friend or family member, or counselor.
If you were sexually abused before or during the cult or abused others, seek
medical and/or therapeutic help. Many people also experience sexual
dysfunction at some time in their life, whether in a cult or not. Take time to
work out the underlying physical and/or psychological problems.
Above all, be patient and gentle with yourself. Don't let the media hype about
sex and the cultural emphasis on performance push you into sex before it's
what you want or in a manner that is not what you want.
Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
Some abusive groups had their followers use sex as a way to recruit new
members. Some abusive groups practiced group sex. Some followers were used
for sex by their leaders. If you were in a cult that practiced unsafe sex (sex
without condoms or sex with multiple partners), you owe it to yourself to be
