Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 1
Introduction
But screw your courage to the sticking place, And we'll not fail.
Macbeth
In 1980 I left The Way International, one of the most successful cults of the
1970s. For more than ten years I have struggled to rebuild my life. From those
struggles has come a great deal of learning, growth, and healing. I thought I
would share with you my thoughts on the process, what has and hasn't worked
for me, in the hope that your healing or the healing of one you hold dear will be
less painful and less time-consuming.
You may find in these pages ideas that can help you even if you were not in a
cult but were in another abusive or all-consuming relationship. Many who have
read the first edition and who came from abusive relationships, such as alcoholic
spouses or families, have commented that they found this book very helpful and
encouraging.
Ingredients for Recovery
I have learned that there are three main ingredients needed for recovery.
Without these, you can only heal a little bit. They are:
1. Time
2. Discipline
3. Courage
It took a great deal of time to heal, much more time than I ever imagined. It
took a tremendous amount of mental discipline to disassemble the tangled web
of the group's "logic." As I recovered from this snare, I was disheartened to find
embedded in our culture additional "logic" also of dubious nature, and so my
work to disassemble did not and could not end with the group. And, it took
courage. Courage to face a depth of hopelessness I pray I never face again.
Courage to let go of myths and wishes and fantasies, and to let go of innocence.
Working it Out
This book pulls together what I've learned helping ex-cultists and their families
since 1980, but I am not a trained counselor or psychiatrist. This book is not
intended to and should not replace good therapeutic and medical help. Many,
many people have expressed to me how very helpful this book has been. I think
you will find some good ideas and suggestions here. As you read it through and
discuss the ideas and exercises with family and friends, pick out what you think
will work for you. These are suggestions, not a "bible.'

Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 2
What is a Destructive Group?
Below are listed the marks and techniques of a destructive group as noted in the
Cult Awareness Network's brochure. For an in-depth reading on the
psychological steps and techniques of coercion, see Lifton's classic work entitled
Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism (1961), specifically Chapters 5,
12 and 22. (See Appendices B and C.)
Marks of a Destructive Group
The marks of a destructive group are as follows:
1. Mind Control (undue influence): manipulation by use of coercive
persuasion or behavior modification techniques without informed
consent.
2. Charismatic Leadership: claiming divinity or special knowledge and
demanding unquestioning obedience with power and privilege.
Leadership may consist of one individual or a small core of leaders.
3. Deception: recruiting and fundraising with hidden objectives and
without full disclosure of the use of mind controlling techniques [group
psychology] use of "front groups."
4. Exclusivity: secretiveness or vagueness by followers regarding
activities and beliefs.
5. Alienation: separation from family, friends, and society, a change in
values and substitution of the cult as the new "family," evidence of
subtle or abrupt personality changes.
6. Exploitation: can be financial, physical, or psychological pressure to
give money, to spend a great deal on courses or give excessively to
special projects and to engage in inappropriate sexual activities, even
child abuse.
7. Totalitarian Worldview (we/they syndrome): effecting dependence,
promoting goals of the group over the individual and approving
unethical behavior while claiming goodness.
Techniques of a Destructive Group
The techniques of a destructive group are as follows:
1. Group Pressure and "Love-Bombing" discourages doubts and
reinforces the need to belong through use of child-like games, singing,
hugging, touching, or flattery.
2. Isolation/Separation causes an inability or lack of desire to verify
the reality of information provided by the group.
3. Thought-Stopping Techniques introduce recruits to meditating,
chanting, and repetitious activities which, when used excessively,
induce a state of high suggestibility.