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overwhelmed trying to work through my feelings. If I had had a demanding job
at the same time, it would have been too much stress for me. Later, as I healed
and began to acquire good thinking skills, I was able to plan my career and my
personal goals to provide more challenge and excitement.
The retired elderly who have left abusive groups may find volunteer work a
helpful way to make friends. It will also provide structure.
Interviews and Resumes
What do you say when the interviewer asks: "How do you account for this gap
in employment?" Depending on your assessment of the interviewer, you can
either talk around the cult experience or talk to it. I've given several different
answers to this question, such as:
• I was in a cult. Usually not a very good response.
• I was off trying to save the world, but it didn't work (laugh, laugh). If
delivered well this can be effective.
• I was implementing training programs for a religious group I worked for.
This was often the best choice.
An employer is usually looking for an honest, reliable, stable, and hardworking
employee, who can get along with the rest of the department. Everyone gets
kicked down in life sooner or later and a good employer knows and accepts this.
An employer is often more concerned with how well you handled the problem
and how you are doing now.
How do you rewrite your resume? Here's what I've done:
TRAINER, Therapy, Inc., Goingnowhere Town, State Implemented religious
training programs of varying length and complexity to audiences throughout the
U.S., involving multimedia formats designed to teach religious issues and
leadership development. Graduated from a leadership development program
and provided counseling to devotees.
Exercise- Job Interview Skills
Practice the interview process with a family member or friend. Try role playing
and try both roles. See if you can get a feel for what the interviewer might want
in a candidate by learning about the company, their product's), and their
competition. Write down some questions you think you might be asked and
work out answers to those questions. Present yourself favorably. You should feel
good about yourself, because you are handling a tough recovery problem well.
Talking about the Cult at Work
It can be confusing trying to figure out whom you should or can talk to about
the cult experience. In the cult you had to confess all and not keep anything to
yourself. If you did hold something back, you were shamed and considered
deceitful and disloyal. This technique was used to reinforce your dependence on
the group. Now, you do not have to tell everyone everything. You do not have

Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 22
to tell people about your cult experience, and you don't have to hide it either.
However, you do need to learn to assess when and with whom it is appropriate
to talk about your experience. This is true at work as well as elsewhere.
It is often not appropriate to talk about your experiences at work, at least until
you get very good at how to do it without overwhelming and frightening people.
For the first several months, you may want to concentrate on just two things:
doing the task and getting along with others. As you get to know people and
you feel comfortable with them, you can try building a friendship and trusting
them: first with little bits of your story, and, if they prove themselves supportive
and understanding, you can later trust them with more.
Early in recovery you will want to tell everyone about what happened to you.
This is normal. However, try to "let the steam out" with people outside of work
until you are comfortable with how to tell your story.
Working with a Cultist
This slow approach to talking about your cult experience at work is also helpful
considering that some of the people you work with may be in a cult. You don't
need to save them. You need to take care of yourself first.
If you decide you want to confront someone about his or her cult involvement,
assess whether others in the office are also in this cult, and, if so, what any
confrontation on your part will do to your job security. If you decide you want to
continue, invite the person off the work site and mention that you have heard
that their group may have some questionable practices. If the person is
interested in knowing more (be careful that this is not merely a recruiting
tactic), offer to give or to get information.
If you are going to confront cultists, realize that you should also be willing to
take some responsibility for helping them with recovery. You cannot open the
door and then leave them stranded. It is my opinion that you should first take
care of your own recovery and then later reach out to others. (See Getting
Healthy to Help Others, p. 40.)
Summary
It is extremely painful to realize that those who have professed to love and care
for you have, in truth, exploited and used you for their own gain. There is,
however, a great sense of relief in getting away from the excessive demands,
intimidation, and manipulation of the group and its leader(s). Leaving is filled
with difficult emotions. The experience has been a trauma to the self. Once you
are out, it is necessary to integrate the experience and thereby heal the self.