Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 46
Isn't it grand to genuinely respect yourself for the person you are and to feel
proud of your accomplishments) You are someone special. You have something
to give. You got knocked down hard but you're getting back up on your feet
slowly but surely. You're making mistakes, but you're learning from them. You
get tired and scared, lonely and confused, but you don't quit. You learn how to
do some things well and share that knowledge and encouragement with others.
That's something to be proud of and to feel good about.
"Steady at the helm, lass," I tell myself when a situation gets a little panicky.
That's a sailor's expression. The helm steers the ship through wind, rain, and
dark of night. "Steady, and keep your wits about you, now." Sometimes you
need to coach yourself through the rough spots. You need to believe in you.
Learning New Skills
When I realized I could learn new skills, new possibilities opened up to me. I
had to realize, though, that acquiring new skills meant I would be changing.
Change can be hard for some people. "For many people," as Alfred Adler said,
"the solution is more frightening than the problem."
Change usually leads to growth. For some it's an adventure, a door to new
freedoms and experiences. For others, change is very threatening. Change
means letting go of an old way and moving onto a different place. This takes
time and courage.
"Growth has not only rewards and pleasure, but also many intrinsic pains
and always will have. Each step forward is a step into the unfamiliar and is
thought of as possibly dangerous. It also frequently means giving up
something familiar and good and satisfying. It frequently means a parting
and a separation with consequent nostalgia, loneliness, and mourning. It
also often means giving up a simpler and easier and less effortful life in
exchange for a more demanding, more difficult life. Growth forward is in
spite of these losses and therefore requires courage, strength in the
individual, as well as protection, permission, and encouragement from the
environment, especially for the child." (A.H. Maslow, "Some Basic
Propositions of Holistic-Dynamic Psychology," an unpublished paper,
Brandeis University.)
Taking Inventory
What if you feel like a complete jerk, a failure? "Everytime I get up, something
knocks me down." Well, if you keep tripping, get new shoelaces. What I mean
is, acquire new skills and/or improve others. Change. We often keep making
mistakes because we aren't hearing and integrating feedback from our emotions
and our reason. Identify the areas of your thinking and feelings that need
improvement.
Isn't it grand to genuinely respect yourself for the person you are and to feel
proud of your accomplishments) You are someone special. You have something
to give. You got knocked down hard but you're getting back up on your feet
slowly but surely. You're making mistakes, but you're learning from them. You
get tired and scared, lonely and confused, but you don't quit. You learn how to
do some things well and share that knowledge and encouragement with others.
That's something to be proud of and to feel good about.
"Steady at the helm, lass," I tell myself when a situation gets a little panicky.
That's a sailor's expression. The helm steers the ship through wind, rain, and
dark of night. "Steady, and keep your wits about you, now." Sometimes you
need to coach yourself through the rough spots. You need to believe in you.
Learning New Skills
When I realized I could learn new skills, new possibilities opened up to me. I
had to realize, though, that acquiring new skills meant I would be changing.
Change can be hard for some people. "For many people," as Alfred Adler said,
"the solution is more frightening than the problem."
Change usually leads to growth. For some it's an adventure, a door to new
freedoms and experiences. For others, change is very threatening. Change
means letting go of an old way and moving onto a different place. This takes
time and courage.
"Growth has not only rewards and pleasure, but also many intrinsic pains
and always will have. Each step forward is a step into the unfamiliar and is
thought of as possibly dangerous. It also frequently means giving up
something familiar and good and satisfying. It frequently means a parting
and a separation with consequent nostalgia, loneliness, and mourning. It
also often means giving up a simpler and easier and less effortful life in
exchange for a more demanding, more difficult life. Growth forward is in
spite of these losses and therefore requires courage, strength in the
individual, as well as protection, permission, and encouragement from the
environment, especially for the child." (A.H. Maslow, "Some Basic
Propositions of Holistic-Dynamic Psychology," an unpublished paper,
Brandeis University.)
Taking Inventory
What if you feel like a complete jerk, a failure? "Everytime I get up, something
knocks me down." Well, if you keep tripping, get new shoelaces. What I mean
is, acquire new skills and/or improve others. Change. We often keep making
mistakes because we aren't hearing and integrating feedback from our emotions
and our reason. Identify the areas of your thinking and feelings that need
improvement.
