Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 7
It is possible to rebuild your life. You will not be able to make up for all the
years the cult has stolen from you, but you can make up for some of those lost
years. I've worked very hard to recover from an overprotective and domineering
family, seven years in a cult, a rape while in the cult, two forced
deprogrammings each with conservatorships, a lawsuit for trying to help
someone out of a cult, too many job changes, and too many unfulfilling
relationships after the cult.
If you are willing to stick with it, to work at it, to work through and let go of
myths that look like truths, not only in the cult but also in society, and if you are
willing to acquire new skills and improve others, you can build a healthy and
well-functioning life with a dream you can work toward.

Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 8
Chapter 1:
Phase One-Awareness and Exit
The past is but the beginning of a beginning,
and all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn.
-H. G. Wells
For me, awareness came in the form of one tall, good-looking West Virginian,
who stopped me on the sidewalk as I was on my way to work. It seemed a bit
odd to me that he was asking for directions to a bar at 5:30 in the morning that
chilly May day in 1980, but he was. I didn't notice the parked car next to him.
When it dawned on me that he was going to try and kidnap me to have me
deprogrammed, I started to run. But he, thank God, was quicker than I, and he
shoved me into the back seat of the car.
Before I knew it, my father had jumped into the front seat. This time, he
assured me in his most no-nonsense, former collegiate wrestler tone, there
would be no slip-ups, unlike the last deprogramming attempt six months earlier.
During that deprogramming, I escaped out of the New York motel where I was
being held and headed back to the cult in Michigan as I had been programmed
to do. Not this time, though. This time I was driven from Michigan to West
Virginia and there confronted with a lot of information about the cult I didn't
even know existed.
There was a lot of talking, sleeping, and some crying as the reality of what I had
been entrapped in slowly crept over me. I was finally in an environment which
allowed me and encouraged me to talk about the doubts and contradictions I
had been programmed to bury within me. After a few days of deprogramming,
the spell was broken. I then began the strangest journey I'm sure I'll ever
know.
Walkaways
Some people are not deprogrammed as I was. For some the awareness that the
group they are in has unacceptable qualities, and the desire to exit come
differently. Many walk out of the situation or are cast out, while some emerge
from the group over time as the control techniques falter.
Walkaways and castaways often have serious adjustment problems for years,
because they have not left the group conceptually. The body is not there, but
the mind is still influenced by residual controls and phobias.
While they were still active with a group, it may have been a conversation with
someone, a letter from home, an abuse within the cult that started them
wondering if something was wrong. Somehow, something cracks through the