Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 41
suggest you go ahead and try to grieve the losses you've experienced. You can
do this by using the "buddy system." Remember the buddy system from
summer camp? You would team up in twos and keep an eye out for each other.
You can team up in the healing process as well.
Don't swim in the pain alone. Talk your feelings over with a trusted friend or
friends, other ex-cultists, and/or a therapist. Take your time. Grieving is a very
important part of healing. To be a bit poetic, it's as if the tears are washing the
wound clean so it can heal.
Spiritual Matters
Many ex-cultists are very confused, angry, and in pain about spiritual matters
after their cult experience. They feel that God has let them down. The concept
of a higher power was used against them to control and manipulate them. The
lyrics of great old songs and hymns were rewritten with cult lyrics. Those songs
now carry painful memories and the potential for floating. Even the feeling of a
Bible in their lap can trigger sorrow. To embrace spiritual things again or too
soon can be frightening and painful, even dangerous.
What the Cult Taught Me
For many ex-cultists, most of their knowledge of the Bible or other spiritual
writings has come from the cult. Let me ask you a question, then, about the
integrity of those teachings.
If the cult was so intent on manipulating you, if many of their activities and
actions were deceitful and destructive, can you trust what they taught you
about spiritual things? If you want to continue to believe their teachings, I
suggest you take the time to separate out the wheat from the chaff. Take time
after you're stronger to weed out the half-truths and coercive ideologies that
aren't spiritually founded at all, but were taught in order to manipulate and
control you.
It is very difficult to heal if you are divided between continuing the cult's
teachings and trying to exit from its manipulative snares. Remember the snare
is not just physical. They control followers with ideas and the ideas are
communicated through the teachings.
Some ex-cultists are afraid to let go of their readings, meditations, tapes, etc.
After you have listened to teachings and tapes for so many hours and for so
many days and years, it's disorienting not to have them. For others, it's a great
relief not to be chained to all those meetings and classes and teachings.
Try Taking a Breather
It was suggested to me by my deprogrammer to put the meditation and
teachings aside for awhile. I suggest the same to you. You need to be actively
engaging your mind in reality testing and critical thinking. If you want to, you
can go back to the teachings later, when you're stronger. You also want to be
careful not to create the "bang the bruise" effect.
suggest you go ahead and try to grieve the losses you've experienced. You can
do this by using the "buddy system." Remember the buddy system from
summer camp? You would team up in twos and keep an eye out for each other.
You can team up in the healing process as well.
Don't swim in the pain alone. Talk your feelings over with a trusted friend or
friends, other ex-cultists, and/or a therapist. Take your time. Grieving is a very
important part of healing. To be a bit poetic, it's as if the tears are washing the
wound clean so it can heal.
Spiritual Matters
Many ex-cultists are very confused, angry, and in pain about spiritual matters
after their cult experience. They feel that God has let them down. The concept
of a higher power was used against them to control and manipulate them. The
lyrics of great old songs and hymns were rewritten with cult lyrics. Those songs
now carry painful memories and the potential for floating. Even the feeling of a
Bible in their lap can trigger sorrow. To embrace spiritual things again or too
soon can be frightening and painful, even dangerous.
What the Cult Taught Me
For many ex-cultists, most of their knowledge of the Bible or other spiritual
writings has come from the cult. Let me ask you a question, then, about the
integrity of those teachings.
If the cult was so intent on manipulating you, if many of their activities and
actions were deceitful and destructive, can you trust what they taught you
about spiritual things? If you want to continue to believe their teachings, I
suggest you take the time to separate out the wheat from the chaff. Take time
after you're stronger to weed out the half-truths and coercive ideologies that
aren't spiritually founded at all, but were taught in order to manipulate and
control you.
It is very difficult to heal if you are divided between continuing the cult's
teachings and trying to exit from its manipulative snares. Remember the snare
is not just physical. They control followers with ideas and the ideas are
communicated through the teachings.
Some ex-cultists are afraid to let go of their readings, meditations, tapes, etc.
After you have listened to teachings and tapes for so many hours and for so
many days and years, it's disorienting not to have them. For others, it's a great
relief not to be chained to all those meetings and classes and teachings.
Try Taking a Breather
It was suggested to me by my deprogrammer to put the meditation and
teachings aside for awhile. I suggest the same to you. You need to be actively
engaging your mind in reality testing and critical thinking. If you want to, you
can go back to the teachings later, when you're stronger. You also want to be
careful not to create the "bang the bruise" effect.
