Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 58
experience, there were hours and hours of verbal and psychological abuse, but
there were still some skills and experiences worth keeping.
Nieces, Nephews, and Grandchildren
Many ex-cultists were married in the cult and had children. Whether or not one
is under mind control, being in a marriage and raising children is an
accomplishment. These ex-cultists have their own families and responsibilities to
those families. How they choose to handle those responsibilities during the
trauma of exiting and recovery may or may not be to your liking. But your
support is needed. You can be most effective as a sounding board:
• Listening
• Gently raising questions
• Offering advice, if requested
• Being supportive
Remember, ex-cultists need to learn to make their own decisions and to carry
them out. Nieces, nephews, and grandchildren will survive these difficult months
and years better, if the extended family is supportive and non-argumentative.
Covered in Bruises
A visual aid that might help is to imagine your loved one covered with dark
bruises. Remember, the pain is psychological and may not be
visible on the outside, but the wounds can run very deep. Will it help to add
pressure to these bruises or to step back and simply be there? As ex-cultists
relearn how to use their badly bruised mental faculties and reconnect with long
frozen emotions, will it help to do the tasks for them or to encourage and
applaud them? You may not feel as if applause is much of a contribution, but it
is!
Honor what they have accomplished while they were in the cult and give them
space to work out their new challenges in their own way and in their own time.
Recovery can take years.
Will My Loved One Go Back to the Cult?
After escaping from one deprogramming, all my mother wanted to know the
second time around was "will Wendy go back again?" She had read about
"floating." She knew that even after all the work to get me out of the cult's
clutches, I could float and go back again. (See Floating, p. 36.)
Family members should be aware that abusive groups use powerful
psychological controls on their followers. The longer these controls are in place,
the more difficult it may be for ex-cultists to regain a hold on their pre-cult
identity. Certain stressors, such as cult language, phone calls from cultists, and
meditation, can cause a floating experience. Ex-cultists may appear glassy-
eyed, nonemotional or agitated, or disoriented. Usually, simply being aware that
experience, there were hours and hours of verbal and psychological abuse, but
there were still some skills and experiences worth keeping.
Nieces, Nephews, and Grandchildren
Many ex-cultists were married in the cult and had children. Whether or not one
is under mind control, being in a marriage and raising children is an
accomplishment. These ex-cultists have their own families and responsibilities to
those families. How they choose to handle those responsibilities during the
trauma of exiting and recovery may or may not be to your liking. But your
support is needed. You can be most effective as a sounding board:
• Listening
• Gently raising questions
• Offering advice, if requested
• Being supportive
Remember, ex-cultists need to learn to make their own decisions and to carry
them out. Nieces, nephews, and grandchildren will survive these difficult months
and years better, if the extended family is supportive and non-argumentative.
Covered in Bruises
A visual aid that might help is to imagine your loved one covered with dark
bruises. Remember, the pain is psychological and may not be
visible on the outside, but the wounds can run very deep. Will it help to add
pressure to these bruises or to step back and simply be there? As ex-cultists
relearn how to use their badly bruised mental faculties and reconnect with long
frozen emotions, will it help to do the tasks for them or to encourage and
applaud them? You may not feel as if applause is much of a contribution, but it
is!
Honor what they have accomplished while they were in the cult and give them
space to work out their new challenges in their own way and in their own time.
Recovery can take years.
Will My Loved One Go Back to the Cult?
After escaping from one deprogramming, all my mother wanted to know the
second time around was "will Wendy go back again?" She had read about
"floating." She knew that even after all the work to get me out of the cult's
clutches, I could float and go back again. (See Floating, p. 36.)
Family members should be aware that abusive groups use powerful
psychological controls on their followers. The longer these controls are in place,
the more difficult it may be for ex-cultists to regain a hold on their pre-cult
identity. Certain stressors, such as cult language, phone calls from cultists, and
meditation, can cause a floating experience. Ex-cultists may appear glassy-
eyed, nonemotional or agitated, or disoriented. Usually, simply being aware that
