Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 13
Other Sources of Help
Some ex-cultists may spend one to several weeks in a residential rehab facility
that specializes in cult issues. Other ex-cultists study, go to ex-cult or trauma
support groups, get counseling, write, draw, or dance.
Some make career goals, which may involve going back to school. Some need
housing, day care, legal assistance, and medical attention. Almost all need
thorough medical, dental, and eye exams. Most need lots of sleep, good
nutrition, and moderate regular exercise. And all need to talk out their
experiences with family, friends, and/or a therapist. There are many good books
on the above topics. Check out your libraries, bookstores, and even the phone
directory, which often list help centers in your area.
The real work of recovery is not to "get on with things" or to go back into the
cult and save others, but, most importantly, it is to go through the work and
pain of integrating the experience into a whole and more healthy you. This won't
just happen, like some mystical revelation. It's going to take work and planning
by you.
Where Are You Going to Live?
If, like me, you had no money after exiting the cult, you may have gone (or will
go) to where a family member lives. Painfully, you may have had to leave your
loved ones and possessions behind in order to get free.
Those exiting with dependents of their own, children and/or elderly parents,
may have additional difficulty in locating affordable housing. Also, without a job
history, it can be difficult to find work and pay living expenses. With all the
emotional difficulties of recovery, even if you find a job it may be tough to keep
it once the numbness wears off and depression sets in.
I do not have a quick and easy answer to this problem. You can contact your
state agency for housing and ask for help. There may be a friend, coworker, or
relative who can help out. Perhaps you could get a scholarship and go back to
school.
No Hidden Agendas
If you have a choice of where to live, live with someone who will encourage you
to make your own decisions. If you come from a family that is overprotective or
domineering and you can avoid returning to that environment, you may want to
consider getting your own apartment or staying with a friend.
Your self-confidence will be fragile and shaky at first. You need to be around
healthy people who can nurture you in a way that encourages you to make your
own decisions. You do not need to be around people who want to influence you
with their hidden agendas. This can be very terrifying because it will remind you
of the manipulation of the cult.

Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 14
Setting the Environment
When a bone is broken, it is important to have it "set" properly. The bone is
going to start healing whether it is set or not. If it is set correctly, it will be
restored to its previous ability. Some say, once a broken bone heals, it is
stronger where it was broken. In those early weeks, if the bone is improperly
set or damaged again, it may not heal correctly.
So it is with you. You have been through a trauma. You need an environment
that is conducive to helping you heal. It should feel and be safe. The people you
are around should be emotionally healthy people. If you are around emotionally
unhealthy people, the "bone" may set incorrectly. You may find yourself with
other problems later on that aren't related to the cult experience, but were
assimilated from those overprotective and domineering people during those
critical early months of recovery.
You may not have a choice where you live, but by being aware of the effect of
your environment during those early months, you can help offset any negative
effects and "milk" the healthy ones.
Rest and Food
Get plenty of it! Being in a cult is very stressful so is leaving a cult. The stress
is so severe for many, if not most, ex-cultists that it is really not stress at all,
but trauma. The difference between stress and trauma is the difference between
falling off your bicycle and falling from a second story window. You have been
traumatized and it is going to take time to heal. Under these conditions, it's very
normal to have trouble sleeping or to sleep a great deal. It's normal to eat a lot
of certain foods or not to be hungry. Remember, you're working through a
major traumatic life event.
The stress while being in a cult has been known to stop menstrual cycles in
women and beard growth in men. Mind control can have very powerful
physiological and occasionally even hallucinogenic effects. Therefore, when you
leave the cult and if you can at all afford it or a free or low income clinic is
available, consider having a complete medical checkup. This is especially true if
you were in a cult that ate a restrictive diet, or used drugs or sex to recruit or to
control followers. If you have not been getting regular dental and eye exams,
consider these as well. You should do this for yourself, the kids, and all other
family members who left with you.
For those who were in abusive groups that shunned health care professionals, it
may be scary to go for a checkup. You could use a checkup as an opportunity to
challenge some of the residual anxieties and phobias. Here's how you might try
it.
A Visit to the Doctor's Office
Use the buddy system. Try taking someone with you to the doctor's office,
clinic, or medical center and talk about what you're feeling as you go. (This
method would work if you decide to go to a psychologist's office, too.) You may