Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 23
Chapter 2:
Phase Two-Understanding and Feeling
All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today.
-Unknown
Phase One is usually a dawning process of several days or months, possibly
years. Phase Two, however, is full of ups and downs. It can span months or
years depending on many of the factors noted in the Introduction. Because I
was also dealing with a rape and with codependency issues related to my family
background, Phase Two for me has taken about eight years. It is my hope that
sharing my struggles and ideas with you will help to shorten your recovery. (See
Branden, 1971 Bridges, 1980 Hassan, 1988 Langone, 1993 Singer, 1979
Stoner and Kisser, 1992 Whitfield, 1987.)
It is my belief that it doesn't have to take that long. With more counselors
trained about cults, more recovered ex-cultists articulating their experiences,
and more information available on recovery, this phase may take much less
time. If you are a victim of rape or incest, are obsessive/compulsive,
codependent and/or a substance abuser or otherwise troubled, you will need to
address and integrate these issues as well for a full recovery. (See Vaughan,
1982 Whitfield, 1987 Woititz, 1983.)
Reconnecting with Family and Friends
What do you do when you've been on another planet for up to 20 years or more
and you've just returned home? You feel like Rip Van Winkle. Everyone you
know, if they are even still around, is older and at a different place in life.
Family and friends are often further along in their education and/or career. They
may be married, divorced, own a home, or run a business. Not only may you
feel like a freak for having been in a cult, but you may feel inadequate when
looking at the accomplishments of an old chum.
Looking Foolish
What if you tried to recruit the friend? You may feel embarrassed and
apologetic. What if you threatened him with eternal damnation for not having
embraced "the truth"? Well, you eat crow. You learn how to apologize, explain,
ask for help, and laugh at yourself. I've been so embarrassed by the cult
experience and the phobias it left in me that I feel permanently humbled. I'm
not afraid to look foolish anymore, at least about the cult experience.
I tried to recruit Jean, my long-time best friend. The only reason she didn't
follow me in was that she didn't have the money for the introductory class.
Thank goodness. She had missed having me around all those years I was off
"saving the world," missed having her old friend around to talk things out with. I
Chapter 2:
Phase Two-Understanding and Feeling
All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today.
-Unknown
Phase One is usually a dawning process of several days or months, possibly
years. Phase Two, however, is full of ups and downs. It can span months or
years depending on many of the factors noted in the Introduction. Because I
was also dealing with a rape and with codependency issues related to my family
background, Phase Two for me has taken about eight years. It is my hope that
sharing my struggles and ideas with you will help to shorten your recovery. (See
Branden, 1971 Bridges, 1980 Hassan, 1988 Langone, 1993 Singer, 1979
Stoner and Kisser, 1992 Whitfield, 1987.)
It is my belief that it doesn't have to take that long. With more counselors
trained about cults, more recovered ex-cultists articulating their experiences,
and more information available on recovery, this phase may take much less
time. If you are a victim of rape or incest, are obsessive/compulsive,
codependent and/or a substance abuser or otherwise troubled, you will need to
address and integrate these issues as well for a full recovery. (See Vaughan,
1982 Whitfield, 1987 Woititz, 1983.)
Reconnecting with Family and Friends
What do you do when you've been on another planet for up to 20 years or more
and you've just returned home? You feel like Rip Van Winkle. Everyone you
know, if they are even still around, is older and at a different place in life.
Family and friends are often further along in their education and/or career. They
may be married, divorced, own a home, or run a business. Not only may you
feel like a freak for having been in a cult, but you may feel inadequate when
looking at the accomplishments of an old chum.
Looking Foolish
What if you tried to recruit the friend? You may feel embarrassed and
apologetic. What if you threatened him with eternal damnation for not having
embraced "the truth"? Well, you eat crow. You learn how to apologize, explain,
ask for help, and laugh at yourself. I've been so embarrassed by the cult
experience and the phobias it left in me that I feel permanently humbled. I'm
not afraid to look foolish anymore, at least about the cult experience.
I tried to recruit Jean, my long-time best friend. The only reason she didn't
follow me in was that she didn't have the money for the introductory class.
Thank goodness. She had missed having me around all those years I was off
"saving the world," missed having her old friend around to talk things out with. I
