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weeks or months until the energy runs out. Then the need to have others
understand becomes more important.
Time for Pondering
It helps, when your brain has been "on hold" for so long, to take time to ponder,
wonder, and reflect about things.
In cults, reflection is usually dangerous and painful. Thoughts and doubts which
challenge the teachings are shameful. There is also a sense of betraying the
leader. This shame inhibits critical thinking. No thinking means no mental
exercise. No mental exercise means atrophy. To rebuild the mind, the ex-cultist
needs to reflect upon information, wonder about how pieces fit together, and
ponder ideas.
The challenge to thinking, however, is that as you ponder you may find yourself
coming up with new and different conclusions about many things. It takes
courage to face these reflections honestly and not to run away from them or
hide behind a myth. There are many long-established myths deeply rooted in
our culture which can cause confusion and pose scary contradictions for the ex-
cultist. (See Letting Go of Myths, p. 59.)
As time went by, I found myself scrutinizing everything I believed in, such as
religion (what is God now), the purpose of government (why isn't it more
effective and why doesn't it get rid of the cults), the purpose of language, the
responsibility of friends, trust (how could I ever trust anyone again), and more.
Wading through all this reevaluation caused despair. The only way out of this
despair was to keep thinking and to keep getting in touch with my feelings,
reworking it all, letting go of myths until life began to make a little more sense.
Society at a Crossroads
When you leave the cult, you are not entering a healthy society. There are
pockets of healthy people and families, but in my opinion American society has
a tendency to deny, rationalize, and seek quick fixes to problems.
As you struggle to put your life back together, to find meaning and purpose, to
understand the cult experience, to develop new skills, you
will be struggling through this slow and painful process in a society addicted to
quick fixes and afraid of pain. You do not have an easy task ahead of you. We
can be thankful that more and more people in America are coming to terms with
the necessity to put time and effort into solving problems.
Pre-Cult Developmental Issues
Remember, too, that any unresolved developmental issues from before the cult
will resurface and will need to be worked through. If available, a well-trained
therapist can be helpful. For those who were in therapeutic or encounter cults,
any type of counseling may simply be too loaded for a while. At some point,

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though, it might be helpful to learn to trust a therapeutic relationship again,
although you may want to avoid therapists who support New Age encounter
cults.
Also available and often at little or no cost are support groups for many different
types of problems, including such painful and difficult issues as incest,
alcoholism and the adult children of alcoholics, rape, and more.
(See Black, 1982 Vaughan, 1982 Whitfield, 1987 Woititz, 1983.)
Financial Stability
Writing a resume, finding a job, earning money, managing a checking account,
paying bills, and deciphering a bank statement may all be very new experiences
for some ex-cultists. It can be overwhelming to have to acquire so many self-
management skills while trying to heal, especially during the first year of
recovery. Family, friends, and others can be very helpful and supportive by
teaching you these necessary skills, encouraging you to become self-sufficient
little by little (see Basic Skills, p. 66). If you can afford them, there are also
resume and job counseling services available.
A word of caution, the primary goal of recovery is to work through and integrate
the cult experience. Be careful not to get so caught up in school or a job that
you don't have the time or energy to learn about mind control and to get in
touch with your feelings regarding the experience. Otherwise, these issues may
surface at the wrong times, for example when you are interacting with your
boss.
Work Environments
You have left an environment where you were often told what to do and how to
think. Some companies are run this way and that similarity may feel very
threatening to you. It could set off "floating" episodes (see Floating, p. 36) or
cause you to become disoriented and anxious. If you have to work and if such a
company is the only employer for your job skill, you may have little choice for
now but to work for them. This, too, can cause a feeling of being helpless and
manipulated.
It might help reduce this stress, if you decide to work in this environment only
for a certain period of time, say, until you are stronger. In the meantime,
discuss the events at work and your reactions with someone you trust. This will
help reduce the stress, and provide support and a reality check for your
reactions. As you work through the issues of recovery, you can build a job plan
and look for a different work environment later.
Routine and Boring
When I was still in the early stages of recovery and needed a job, it was
suggested to me to find a dull, routine job where I wouldn't have to think too
much, but one that would give my life some structure. This was a very helpful
suggestion, because when the depression and grieving set in, I was very