Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 19
weeks or months until the energy runs out. Then the need to have others
understand becomes more important.
Time for Pondering
It helps, when your brain has been "on hold" for so long, to take time to ponder,
wonder, and reflect about things.
In cults, reflection is usually dangerous and painful. Thoughts and doubts which
challenge the teachings are shameful. There is also a sense of betraying the
leader. This shame inhibits critical thinking. No thinking means no mental
exercise. No mental exercise means atrophy. To rebuild the mind, the ex-cultist
needs to reflect upon information, wonder about how pieces fit together, and
ponder ideas.
The challenge to thinking, however, is that as you ponder you may find yourself
coming up with new and different conclusions about many things. It takes
courage to face these reflections honestly and not to run away from them or
hide behind a myth. There are many long-established myths deeply rooted in
our culture which can cause confusion and pose scary contradictions for the ex-
cultist. (See Letting Go of Myths, p. 59.)
As time went by, I found myself scrutinizing everything I believed in, such as
religion (what is God now), the purpose of government (why isn't it more
effective and why doesn't it get rid of the cults), the purpose of language, the
responsibility of friends, trust (how could I ever trust anyone again), and more.
Wading through all this reevaluation caused despair. The only way out of this
despair was to keep thinking and to keep getting in touch with my feelings,
reworking it all, letting go of myths until life began to make a little more sense.
Society at a Crossroads
When you leave the cult, you are not entering a healthy society. There are
pockets of healthy people and families, but in my opinion American society has
a tendency to deny, rationalize, and seek quick fixes to problems.
As you struggle to put your life back together, to find meaning and purpose, to
understand the cult experience, to develop new skills, you
will be struggling through this slow and painful process in a society addicted to
quick fixes and afraid of pain. You do not have an easy task ahead of you. We
can be thankful that more and more people in America are coming to terms with
the necessity to put time and effort into solving problems.
Pre-Cult Developmental Issues
Remember, too, that any unresolved developmental issues from before the cult
will resurface and will need to be worked through. If available, a well-trained
therapist can be helpful. For those who were in therapeutic or encounter cults,
any type of counseling may simply be too loaded for a while. At some point,
weeks or months until the energy runs out. Then the need to have others
understand becomes more important.
Time for Pondering
It helps, when your brain has been "on hold" for so long, to take time to ponder,
wonder, and reflect about things.
In cults, reflection is usually dangerous and painful. Thoughts and doubts which
challenge the teachings are shameful. There is also a sense of betraying the
leader. This shame inhibits critical thinking. No thinking means no mental
exercise. No mental exercise means atrophy. To rebuild the mind, the ex-cultist
needs to reflect upon information, wonder about how pieces fit together, and
ponder ideas.
The challenge to thinking, however, is that as you ponder you may find yourself
coming up with new and different conclusions about many things. It takes
courage to face these reflections honestly and not to run away from them or
hide behind a myth. There are many long-established myths deeply rooted in
our culture which can cause confusion and pose scary contradictions for the ex-
cultist. (See Letting Go of Myths, p. 59.)
As time went by, I found myself scrutinizing everything I believed in, such as
religion (what is God now), the purpose of government (why isn't it more
effective and why doesn't it get rid of the cults), the purpose of language, the
responsibility of friends, trust (how could I ever trust anyone again), and more.
Wading through all this reevaluation caused despair. The only way out of this
despair was to keep thinking and to keep getting in touch with my feelings,
reworking it all, letting go of myths until life began to make a little more sense.
Society at a Crossroads
When you leave the cult, you are not entering a healthy society. There are
pockets of healthy people and families, but in my opinion American society has
a tendency to deny, rationalize, and seek quick fixes to problems.
As you struggle to put your life back together, to find meaning and purpose, to
understand the cult experience, to develop new skills, you
will be struggling through this slow and painful process in a society addicted to
quick fixes and afraid of pain. You do not have an easy task ahead of you. We
can be thankful that more and more people in America are coming to terms with
the necessity to put time and effort into solving problems.
Pre-Cult Developmental Issues
Remember, too, that any unresolved developmental issues from before the cult
will resurface and will need to be worked through. If available, a well-trained
therapist can be helpful. For those who were in therapeutic or encounter cults,
any type of counseling may simply be too loaded for a while. At some point,
