Recovery from Abusive Groups Page iii
Table of Contents
About the Author...............................................................................................i
Exercises ......................................................................................................viii
Acknowledgments ...........................................................................................ix
What You Can Do to Help ..................................................................................x
Preface ..........................................................................................................xi
Introduction ....................................................................................................1
Ingredients for Recovery ..........................................................................................1
Working it Out......................................................................................................... 1
What is a Destructive Group? ....................................................................................2
Marks of a Destructive Group.............................................................................................. 2
Techniques of a Destructive Group....................................................................................... 2
Harmful Effects of a Destructive Group................................................................................. 3
Structure of this Handbook .......................................................................................3
Buzz Words and Hot Buttons .....................................................................................4
Factors In Recovery .................................................................................................4
Phases in Recovery.................................................................................................. 5
Phase One -Awareness and Exit.......................................................................................... 5
Phase Two -Understanding and Feeling................................................................................ 5
Learning to Trust Again...................................................................................................... 6
Phase Three -Rebuilding and Dreaming ...............................................................................6
Chapter 1: Phase One-Awareness and Exit...........................................................8
Walkaways .............................................................................................................8
Interventions ..........................................................................................................9
Deprogramming................................................................................................................ 9
Exit Counseling............................................................................................................... 10
Exercise- Leaving the Group............................................................................................ 11
Phobias.................................................................................................................11
Building a Recovery Plan..........................................................................................12
What's Needed for a Successful Recovery?.......................................................................... 12
Exercise- Assessment..................................................................................................... 12
Other Sources of Help...................................................................................................... 13
Where Are You Going to Live? ..................................................................................13
No Hidden Agendas .........................................................................................................13
Setting the Environment ..................................................................................................14
Rest and Food........................................................................................................14
A Visit to the Doctor's Office .............................................................................................14
Nutritional Needs ............................................................................................................15
Forbidden Foods.............................................................................................................. 15
More Information, Please!........................................................................................16
Doing Your Homework .....................................................................................................16

Recovery from Abusive Groups Page iv
Insufficient Understanding................................................................................................ 17
Learn to Tell Your Story...........................................................................................17
Talk "With" Not "At"......................................................................................................... 18
Letting the Steam Out .....................................................................................................18
Time for Pondering .................................................................................................19
Society at a Crossroads ...........................................................................................19
Pre-Cult Developmental Issues.......................................................................................... 19
Financial Stability ...................................................................................................20
Work Environments .........................................................................................................20
Routine and Boring.......................................................................................................... 20
Interviews and Resumes ..................................................................................................21
Exercise- Job Interview Skills ..........................................................................................21
Talking about the Cult at Work.......................................................................................... 21
Working with a Cultist...................................................................................................... 22
Summary ..............................................................................................................22
Chapter 2: Phase Two-Understanding and Feeling............................................... 23
Reconnecting with Family and Friends .......................................................................23
Looking Foolish............................................................................................................... 23
visiting to Fill the Void...................................................................................................... 24
Missed Events................................................................................................................. 24
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly....................................................................................... 24
Exercise- Family Assessment........................................................................................... 25
Making New Friends................................................................................................25
Build Trust Slowly ...........................................................................................................25
Behavior and Words ........................................................................................................26
Where Are They?............................................................................................................. 26
Try Something New......................................................................................................... 26
Exercise- Reconnecting................................................................................................... 27
Small Talk...................................................................................................................... 27
Yes, I'd Like to Get to Know You ...............................................................................27
Answering Questions...............................................................................................28
Assessing the Question ....................................................................................................28
Spouse Involved.....................................................................................................29
Avoid a Battleground! ......................................................................................................29
Kids Gotta Love ..............................................................................................................29
You're OK They're OK .....................................................................................................30
Flashbacks.............................................................................................................30
Floating.................................................................................................................31
Monitoring Stress ............................................................................................................31
Exercise- Learning to Recognize Signals............................................................................ 32
Emotions as Feedback Systems......................................................................................... 32
Look but Don't Touch....................................................................................................... 32
Uncontrolled Floating....................................................................................................... 32
Extensive Meditation and Attention Deficiencies................................................................... 33
Exercise- Active Listening ...............................................................................................33
Home from the War ................................................................................................33
An Analogy..................................................................................................................... 33