Recovery from Abusive Groups Page v
Helping Others Out.......................................................................................................... 34
Instant Friends, Instant Enemies .......................................................................................34
Getting Healthy to Help Others.......................................................................................... 34
Where Is This on the Gray Scale?..............................................................................35
Practice a Sliding Scale ....................................................................................................35
Getting Comfortable with Ambiguity................................................................................... 35
Dating...................................................................................................................36
Behaviors....................................................................................................................... 36
Relationships.................................................................................................................. 36
Sex ......................................................................................................................36
A Few Pointers................................................................................................................ 37
Easy Does It................................................................................................................... 37
Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)................................................................................ 37
It's Okay to Ask Tough Questions ......................................................................................38
Birth Control and Pregnancy .............................................................................................38
Marriage and Children...................................................................................................... 38
Exercise- Sexual Behavior............................................................................................... 39
Depression ............................................................................................................39
Deceived........................................................................................................................ 39
Blind Trust vs. Selective Trust........................................................................................... 40
Loss of Innocence ...........................................................................................................40
Unable to Sleep ..............................................................................................................40
The Buddy System ..........................................................................................................40
Spiritual Matters.....................................................................................................41
What the Cult Taught Me.................................................................................................. 41
Try Taking a Breather ......................................................................................................41
Religious Answers Now ....................................................................................................42
Summary ..............................................................................................................42
Chapter 3: Phase Three-Rebuilding and Dreaming.............................................. 43
Putting It in Perspective...........................................................................................43
Fanaticism .....................................................................................................................43
Life Regenerates and Evolves............................................................................................ 44
Making a Difference......................................................................................................... 44
Exercise- Skills and Strengths .........................................................................................44
Expectations ..........................................................................................................45
Interact with Others ........................................................................................................45
Exercise- Expectations.................................................................................................... 45
Becoming Your Own Coach ...............................................................................................45
Learning New Skills.................................................................................................46
Taking Inventory............................................................................................................. 46
Exercise- Self-Assessment ..............................................................................................47
Going Back to School....................................................................................................... 47
Exercise- Learning Assessment........................................................................................ 47
Learning Styles............................................................................................................... 47
Exercise- Learning Styles................................................................................................ 48
Decision-Making .....................................................................................................48
Resources ......................................................................................................................48
Impulsive Decisions......................................................................................................... 48
An Example-Buying Toothpaste......................................................................................... 49

Recovery from Abusive Groups Page vi
Little Decisions to Big Decisions......................................................................................... 50
Exercise- Decision-Making............................................................................................... 50
Letting Go of Myths.................................................................................................50
A Smidgen of Truth .........................................................................................................51
Goodbye Myths, Hello Responsibility ..................................................................................51
Shortcuts and Distortions .................................................................................................51
Untangling and Evaluating................................................................................................ 51
Exercise- A Culture of Myths............................................................................................ 52
Summary ..............................................................................................................52
Chapter 4: The Role of the Family..................................................................... 53
Pointers ................................................................................................................53
Patient and Hopeful.................................................................................................54
Exercise- For the Future .................................................................................................54
Time Lost Forever...................................................................................................54
Exercise– What I Wanted for You..................................................................................... 55
Accept the Changes......................................................................................................... 55
Integration Takes Time ....................................................................................................55
Exercise- Expectations.................................................................................................... 56
Missed Events................................................................................................................. 56
Basic Skills ............................................................................................................56
Respecting Their Accomplishments............................................................................57
Nieces, Nephews, and Grandchildren.................................................................................. 58
Covered in Bruises ..........................................................................................................58
Will My Loved One Go Back to the Cult?.....................................................................58
Encourage Open Communication .......................................................................................59
Questions as Mental Exercise ............................................................................................59
Exercise- Helping Behaviors ............................................................................................59
Eggshells and Frustration.........................................................................................59
My Loved One Was Fooled .......................................................................................60
A Critical Difference......................................................................................................... 60
Know the Force............................................................................................................... 60
Exercise- Helping Assessment .........................................................................................61
Speaking Out about Their Experience ........................................................................61
Not Ready...................................................................................................................... 61
What to Do About Religion?......................................................................................61
Summary ..............................................................................................................62
Epilogue........................................................................................................ 63