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Chapter 3:
Phase Three-Rebuilding and Dreaming
He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much.
Bessie Anderson Stanley
What do you do once the shock, grief, and pain have been talked out? What do
you do when you have studied mind control and yourself so thoroughly you
know why it won't happen to you again? What do you do after you have
reconnected with yourself, family, and friends? You build or rebuild a life plan.
This may include a career, education, intimate relationship, family, community
service, personal interests, and financial stability.
Putting It in Perspective
A friend mentioned she was taking a workshop to learn how to make wreaths.
How insignificant it can seem to make a wreath, I thought, when you've been
spending the past several years trying to save the world. How insignificant
everything seems.
Fanaticism
Someone told me the toughest job for the ex-cultist is to learn what normal is
after having been a fanatic (all or nothing) for so long. I found this to be very
true. For a few years after I returned home, there was a sense of urgency that
plagued me. I assumed this urgency had been burned into my nerves. For years
the cult had drilled into me the immediate, pending world doom I alone could
alleviate by following them.
It was hard to work when I returned home. In fact, I didn't for about a year.
The only marketable job skill I had was typing, so I eventually worked as a
secretary. Once the novelty of being back in the real world wore off, depression
set in. With that depression came a sense of uselessness. I'd been so fanatically
intent on saving the world that now typing a letter seemed so trivial and
insignificant.
It also seemed senseless to get excited about birthday parties, bridal and baby
showers, and other occasions. I found myself so uncomfortable at these events.
Couldn't everyone see how trivial they were? Didn't everyone know that while
they were busy enjoying cake and ice cream, people were being hurt and
abused by cults? Couldn't everyone see how serious the condition of the world
was? How could they be happy another child was born?
As time went by, I realized I needed these events not only to forget the troubles
of the world for a few hours, but to help me put my problems within the

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perspective of life's continual renewal.
Life Regenerates and Evolves
While I was in the depths of depression and hopelessness, I went to the
wedding of an ex-cultist with Brian and Steve, also ex-cultists. The wedding only
made me feel more depressed. There was no one special in my life. Maybe, I
thought, I had missed the man for me while in the cult. Maybe I'd be alone
forever.
On the way home from the wedding, the three of us got to talking. Steve said
something that really "clicked" for me and was the spark that helped me start
out of the seemingly endless depression I had been in.
He talked of how civilization was evolving. That humanity was different now
from what it was 100 years ago and would be different 100 years from now
(Bucke, 1923). "Really?," I asked. "Do you really think people are learning and
changing?" "Definitely," he replied. So I began to wonder. Are we as a people
different for the struggles and tears of those who came before us? Have the
accomplishments of others helped us to be a better people, a different people?
Making a Difference
I looked to nature for some insight about evolution. Nature certainly was
changing, always adapting to its ever-changing environment. But was life
getting better? I looked back in history and pondered the development of
modem medicine, agriculture, mental health, and more. Certainly, the child
labor laws no longer allowed children to be abused in industry as they were in
the sweatshops of years ago.
It seemed that humanity was capable of many achievements along the
continuum between good and evil. It became quite clear as I kept thinking
about it, that people could change. Some people anyway. Enough people could
change, I thought, to make the effort of my life worthwhile. I couldn't save the
world anymore, but my life could still make a difference. I realized that there
was a reason to face the struggle of recovery and stick with it other than my
own gratification. There was a reason to try to put the pieces of my life back
together in a healthier way. My life could make a difference.
I realized, however, that to make a difference would require many different
kinds of skills. I would have to learn to use the skills I did have and acquire the
skills I didn't have. What. good would it be if I was very good at something, but
nobody was listening to me?
Exercise- Skills and Strengths
List at least five of your strengths or skills (example: organized, artistic). How
could these skills and strengths be used to make your community a better
place?