Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 5
when doing so gets difficult
• Courage to face the pain of loss and to stick with the process of grieving
even when it gets painful
Phases in Recovery
The recovery process can span any length of time and, basically, breaks out into
three main phases. These three phases are:
1. Awareness and Exit
2. Understanding and Feeling
3. Rebuilding and Dreaming
Phase One -Awareness and Exit
This first phase varies in length, and is often dependent on the method of
exiting. This phase is marked by the experiences that alert members to the
danger of the group and result in the member's exiting permanently.
The key to an effective exit is to "jump start" the critical thinking process of the
mind. This process has been on hold for much too long because the group has
told the followers that to question and doubt the group is to betray God (or
whatever). The price for questioning and doubting, they are told, is eternal
death. This is a very powerful fear to overcome.
Awareness of the insidious nature of the cult and the decision to leave comes
slowly for some and quickly for others. For example, someone forcibly
deprogrammed becomes aware and leaves the cult very quickly as compared to
someone who walks out after reflecting over several months or years on "devil-
inspired" doubts.
Even after leaving, some ex-cultists are not sure if they made the right decision
and "float" in between their old cult identity and their new liberated identity or
pre-cult self. (See Floating, p. 36.) The more information and support cultists
receives during this phase, the better equipped they are to handle the pain and
loss of Phase Two.
Phase Two -Understanding and Feeling
The second phase is full of ups and downs, of feeling as if you just returned
from Mars, of exciting new freedoms and discoveries, and it is also full of rage
and pain. It involves coming to terms with being raped, emotionally and
spiritually. And for many, it involves coming to terms with being physically
raped as well.
I don't know how to convey the extremes of pain possible in this phase. Perhaps
it is how you would feel standing by helplessly as some crazy person slowly
murdered someone you loved. It seems so incredible to many that because they
wanted to serve God and their country, wanted to help people, and wanted to
make the world a better place-for this idealism (or selflessness) they were
when doing so gets difficult
• Courage to face the pain of loss and to stick with the process of grieving
even when it gets painful
Phases in Recovery
The recovery process can span any length of time and, basically, breaks out into
three main phases. These three phases are:
1. Awareness and Exit
2. Understanding and Feeling
3. Rebuilding and Dreaming
Phase One -Awareness and Exit
This first phase varies in length, and is often dependent on the method of
exiting. This phase is marked by the experiences that alert members to the
danger of the group and result in the member's exiting permanently.
The key to an effective exit is to "jump start" the critical thinking process of the
mind. This process has been on hold for much too long because the group has
told the followers that to question and doubt the group is to betray God (or
whatever). The price for questioning and doubting, they are told, is eternal
death. This is a very powerful fear to overcome.
Awareness of the insidious nature of the cult and the decision to leave comes
slowly for some and quickly for others. For example, someone forcibly
deprogrammed becomes aware and leaves the cult very quickly as compared to
someone who walks out after reflecting over several months or years on "devil-
inspired" doubts.
Even after leaving, some ex-cultists are not sure if they made the right decision
and "float" in between their old cult identity and their new liberated identity or
pre-cult self. (See Floating, p. 36.) The more information and support cultists
receives during this phase, the better equipped they are to handle the pain and
loss of Phase Two.
Phase Two -Understanding and Feeling
The second phase is full of ups and downs, of feeling as if you just returned
from Mars, of exciting new freedoms and discoveries, and it is also full of rage
and pain. It involves coming to terms with being raped, emotionally and
spiritually. And for many, it involves coming to terms with being physically
raped as well.
I don't know how to convey the extremes of pain possible in this phase. Perhaps
it is how you would feel standing by helplessly as some crazy person slowly
murdered someone you loved. It seems so incredible to many that because they
wanted to serve God and their country, wanted to help people, and wanted to
make the world a better place-for this idealism (or selflessness) they were
