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when doing so gets difficult
• Courage to face the pain of loss and to stick with the process of grieving
even when it gets painful
Phases in Recovery
The recovery process can span any length of time and, basically, breaks out into
three main phases. These three phases are:
1. Awareness and Exit
2. Understanding and Feeling
3. Rebuilding and Dreaming
Phase One -Awareness and Exit
This first phase varies in length, and is often dependent on the method of
exiting. This phase is marked by the experiences that alert members to the
danger of the group and result in the member's exiting permanently.
The key to an effective exit is to "jump start" the critical thinking process of the
mind. This process has been on hold for much too long because the group has
told the followers that to question and doubt the group is to betray God (or
whatever). The price for questioning and doubting, they are told, is eternal
death. This is a very powerful fear to overcome.
Awareness of the insidious nature of the cult and the decision to leave comes
slowly for some and quickly for others. For example, someone forcibly
deprogrammed becomes aware and leaves the cult very quickly as compared to
someone who walks out after reflecting over several months or years on "devil-
inspired" doubts.
Even after leaving, some ex-cultists are not sure if they made the right decision
and "float" in between their old cult identity and their new liberated identity or
pre-cult self. (See Floating, p. 36.) The more information and support cultists
receives during this phase, the better equipped they are to handle the pain and
loss of Phase Two.
Phase Two -Understanding and Feeling
The second phase is full of ups and downs, of feeling as if you just returned
from Mars, of exciting new freedoms and discoveries, and it is also full of rage
and pain. It involves coming to terms with being raped, emotionally and
spiritually. And for many, it involves coming to terms with being physically
raped as well.
I don't know how to convey the extremes of pain possible in this phase. Perhaps
it is how you would feel standing by helplessly as some crazy person slowly
murdered someone you loved. It seems so incredible to many that because they
wanted to serve God and their country, wanted to help people, and wanted to
make the world a better place-for this idealism (or selflessness) they were

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cruelly used. This is a very difficult aspect of the experience to reconcile. "What
ever did I do to be treated like this?" is a question that rings deep in the heart
of any ex-cultist. The answer to this question resides in understanding how
mind control techniques work.
It is no wonder, then, that the rage and anger the ex-cultist feels is often
overwhelming and frightening. So much so, that many tend to repress or deny
the full expression of their emotions. But understanding and feeling one's
emotions in a nondestructive way, I believe, is critical to recovery.
This second phase can be an extraordinary journey through pain and loss to
learning and mastery. It varies in length and is dependent on how able the ex-
cultist is to experience loss and how disciplined the ex-cultist is to study, think,
and work toward a thorough understanding of the experience.
Learning to Trust Again
One of the truly tough parts about working through the experience is the very
fact that it's a very big job. The ex-cultist must learn how to trust life again, and
learning to trust requires learning how to test reality. Because the cult phobias
and teachings often touched on many aspects of life, such as family,
government, education, religion, relationships, and economics, the ex-cultist
often finds it necessary to examine and reality test most, if not all, of the
teachings received in the cult for subtle, residual ideas that continue to
manipulate the ex-cultist.
In addition, it is in this phase that individuals must learn again how to trust
themselves and their ability to make decisions. Learning to trust after you have
been used and hurt can be very scary, but trust in yourself and in others can be
rebuilt with disciplined thinking and courage.
For those who come from dysfunctional backgrounds, recovering from the cult
experience often means acknowledging and recovering from the effects of
earlier patterns (Black, 1982), such as:
• Abusive parents, relatives, siblings, spouse
• Behaving abusively toward others
• Alcoholism, rape, incest, eating disorders, drug abuse
• Difficulties with intimacy, careers, law enforcement
If ex-cultists are willing to "roll up their sleeves" and "dig their heels in," and to
work through and out of the past, then they can move onto Phase Three, that of
rebuilding one's life and building toward a dream.
Phase Three -Rebuilding and Dreaming
To someone in the middle of the pain of Phase Two, the idea of having a dream
again and building toward it is merely a sad, frustrating, and painful laugh.
Having spent many years in Phase Two, I understand that despondent feeling
very well.