Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 42
You're already trying to process being used and deceived by the cult. That's a
lot of stress. You can add to that stress by continuing to meditate and study the
books the cult used. This won't help your recovery. You can also stir up
memories that may cause floating and flashbacks.
It's okay to back off from meditation and religion for as long as you need in
order to sort out your thoughts and feelings. You may find that you can never
go back to the religion you once knew as a child. Some ex-cultists have been
able to return, but I have not. However, I have found a close and nurturing
relationship with God outside of formal religion. I realize some ex-cultists and
clergy do not believe that God is available outside of religion.
I believe that life wants you to be healthy and whole. I believe this because it is
inherent in all living things to heal. It's hard to heal when you're afraid and in
pain. If religion makes you feel that way, avoid it until you are ready to work
through your feelings. I bet that God understands what you're going through.
Religious Answers Now
If my advice does not seem right for you, if you feel that you must address
religious issues now, talk to pastoral counselors. These are people who are
trained in religion and in counseling. Talk to more than one for different points
of view. You will find that God put shades of gray on the planet in ideas as well
as nature. Be careful not to fall into the "hear-and-believe" mode of the cult.
Ask questions and more questions. If the pastoral counselor does not like your
questions, you can ask someone else until you get satisfactory answers. (See
Bussell, 1983 Bussell, 1985 LeBar, 1989.)
Summary
It is important to take the time to learn about abusive groups and to work
through the pain of the experience. Take the time, the discipline, and the
courage to heal thoroughly. Don't repress your feelings-feel them and talk them
out. Anger, depression, and a sense of being overwhelmed are very normal. In
time, you will be able to sort through how you feel about spiritual matters. This
work requires an environment that is nurturing and encourages independent
decision-making. Be patient and gentle with yourself.
You're already trying to process being used and deceived by the cult. That's a
lot of stress. You can add to that stress by continuing to meditate and study the
books the cult used. This won't help your recovery. You can also stir up
memories that may cause floating and flashbacks.
It's okay to back off from meditation and religion for as long as you need in
order to sort out your thoughts and feelings. You may find that you can never
go back to the religion you once knew as a child. Some ex-cultists have been
able to return, but I have not. However, I have found a close and nurturing
relationship with God outside of formal religion. I realize some ex-cultists and
clergy do not believe that God is available outside of religion.
I believe that life wants you to be healthy and whole. I believe this because it is
inherent in all living things to heal. It's hard to heal when you're afraid and in
pain. If religion makes you feel that way, avoid it until you are ready to work
through your feelings. I bet that God understands what you're going through.
Religious Answers Now
If my advice does not seem right for you, if you feel that you must address
religious issues now, talk to pastoral counselors. These are people who are
trained in religion and in counseling. Talk to more than one for different points
of view. You will find that God put shades of gray on the planet in ideas as well
as nature. Be careful not to fall into the "hear-and-believe" mode of the cult.
Ask questions and more questions. If the pastoral counselor does not like your
questions, you can ask someone else until you get satisfactory answers. (See
Bussell, 1983 Bussell, 1985 LeBar, 1989.)
Summary
It is important to take the time to learn about abusive groups and to work
through the pain of the experience. Take the time, the discipline, and the
courage to heal thoroughly. Don't repress your feelings-feel them and talk them
out. Anger, depression, and a sense of being overwhelmed are very normal. In
time, you will be able to sort through how you feel about spiritual matters. This
work requires an environment that is nurturing and encourages independent
decision-making. Be patient and gentle with yourself.
