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Also, when under stress, I try to get lots of sleep, eat well, and not keep
feelings bottled up.
Floating
When you're recruited into a cult, a cult personality or identity is superimposed
onto your own personality. The cult reinforces and strengthens this cult identity
through chanting and meditation, the restriction of language, and through
information control-both from external sources and internally by cutting off
certain mental functions, such as reflection and reason. (See Hoffer, 1966
Lifton, 1969.)
As the years go by, the cult personality remains dominant, successfully
reinforced by the cult. The old you is there but quietly buried (for some not so
quietly) waiting to be freed, like a bird in a cage. Once a person becomes aware
of the psychological controls the cult has used and of the discrediting
information about the cult and its leaders, the follower begins to reuse the mind
and much of the old personality begins to emerge from hibernation.
That old personality is shaky at first for some, and often individuals find
themselves "floating" between the old cult identity and the new self. In this
between state, questions arise which can be confusing and frightening. "Should
I stay out or should I go back?" "Is being out of the cult really the right thing to
do?" This indecision seems so odd, for just a few hours ago the ex-cultist was
quite firm about the resolution to leave such a deceitful and manipulative group.
How to handle the situation?
Monitoring Stress
The stress of the recovery process can bring on floating incidents. Recovery is
hard work. It can seem lonely and scary at times as well as exciting. Pre-
existing psychological problems are still awaiting resolution. It's normal to feel
overwhelmed. In the midst of all this work and struggle, you may find yourself
thinking "wouldn't it be easier to go back?"
When this happened to me, I would say to myself "yes, it would be easier to go
back, but I wasn't really happy there. In fact, I was emotionally and
psychologically abused there. I want to learn how to handle my life now. I don't
want to go back into the fog." Reciting these words to myself would help. I also
made sure to get lots of rest and to talk with someone about what I was feeling.
Try to identify when the floating incidents occur. What is happening that may be
causing these episodes? Floating may most often occur when you're facing a lot
of emotional stress. It's important to learn to recognize the signs of stress in
your body, mind, and emotions. You can then monitor how much stress to try
and handle. Hunger and fatigue are good examples of your body sending
signals. (See Appendix A.)

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Exercise- Learning to Recognize Signals
Write down the answers to the following questions: What does your physical
body need to survive (example: air, water)? What signals does your body send
when it does not get enough of each one? What signals does your body send
when it does get enough of each one?
What does your mind need to be healthy(example: stimulation, discipline, rest)?
What signals does your mind send when it does not get enough of each one?
What signals does your mind send when it does get enough of each one?
What does your heart (soul) need to be healthy (example: security, love,
forgiveness)? What signals does your heart /soul) send when it does not get
enough of each one? What signals does your heart /soul) send when it does get
enough of each one?
Emotions as Feedback Systems
As your emotions thaw and you learn to become more aware of them and what
they're telling you, you can use your emotions to identify stress-inducing
situations. You can then respond to that feedback in ways that will reduce stress
and enrich your life. Sadness, jealousy, laughter, amusement are all telling you
things about different parts of yourself. As you learn to listen and then reflect
upon what your feelings are trying to tell you about your needs, you can then
integrate that information into a more whole you. As you learn what you need,
you can take action to make sure you are getting enough of what it takes to
meet those needs.
Look but Don't Touch
I have also had to accept that there are songs, scriptures, places, and situations
that I should avoid when I'm under stress, tired, or blue.
These situations have too much potential to disorient me. By learning to monitor
and moderate stress, I have usually been able to identify and avoid stress levels
that bring on floating and flashback incidents.
I would also talk about what I was feeling with family and friends. Talking
seemed to help defuse a floating incident and release anxiety. Remember the
buddy system? Let your friends help you and don't be afraid or too embarrassed
to ask for help!
Uncontrolled Floating
This is a very serious situation and does happen to some people, especially
those from cults which use extensive meditation. When this happens to you, like
emergency first aid, grab someone and start talking about what's going on
inside your head. Talk, don't isolate yourself.
Get professional help immediately, if available, or as soon as possible.
Counseling can be done over the phone or in person. An exit counselor or ex-
cultist may best be able to help you sort through the problem. You are not
alone. You are not crazy. You have been traumatized.