Recovery from Abusive Groups Page 17
cult in 1980.
Insufficient Understanding
Even when I warn families about the problem of insufficient understanding, they
still don't study enough. Why? Possibly because studying is hard work. Possibly
because families may mistakenly think that understanding mind control is the
ex-cultist's responsibility not theirs. They think they did their part by getting the
loved one out of the cult. But this is not enough. To really be helpful, the family
should understand how mind control works.
Another reason some families shy away from gaining a truly in-depth
understanding of how abusive groups work is that the reality of mind control can
challenge the very foundation of why you believe what you believe about
everything. It can change forever the way you interact with the world around
you.
When Have I Studied Enough?
One gauge I use to answer the question "how much studying is enough?" is that
you have studied enough when:
1. The experience has no more hold on your ability to live the life you want
to live.
2. You can explain the experience to other persons so they can understand it.
3. You can explain mind control to other persons so they
understand how and why it could happen to them.
As I said, most ex-cultists and their families and their support systems in
general stop doing their homework too soon. They get a little bit of knowledge
and begin to stop hurting, so they stop learning and reworking the experience.
Let me suggest you do yourself a really big favor and don't be one of these
people. Read, talk, and write again and again until you understand how it
happened and how to prevent it (See Andersen &Zimbardo, 1984).
Learn to Tell Your Story
Understanding the experience to the point you can explain it to someone else is
not as simple as it may sound. First, you need to understand mind control
techniques and, secondly, you need to learn how to effectively communicate
this information to others.
Many ex-cultists, especially in the early months, try to get anyone and everyone
to comprehend the experience. This is not effective communication. Some, a bit
less tactful, even try to cram comprehension down the throats of their listeners.
Like a bull in a china shop, they do an "information dump" on anyone within
range. If the listener doesn't understand, the ex-cultist gets frustrated and
angry and/or judges the listener to be a fool. Those listeners who do manage to
understand something out of this barrage are usually overwhelmed and
frightened when they leave the discussion. This is not a healthy or responsible
cult in 1980.
Insufficient Understanding
Even when I warn families about the problem of insufficient understanding, they
still don't study enough. Why? Possibly because studying is hard work. Possibly
because families may mistakenly think that understanding mind control is the
ex-cultist's responsibility not theirs. They think they did their part by getting the
loved one out of the cult. But this is not enough. To really be helpful, the family
should understand how mind control works.
Another reason some families shy away from gaining a truly in-depth
understanding of how abusive groups work is that the reality of mind control can
challenge the very foundation of why you believe what you believe about
everything. It can change forever the way you interact with the world around
you.
When Have I Studied Enough?
One gauge I use to answer the question "how much studying is enough?" is that
you have studied enough when:
1. The experience has no more hold on your ability to live the life you want
to live.
2. You can explain the experience to other persons so they can understand it.
3. You can explain mind control to other persons so they
understand how and why it could happen to them.
As I said, most ex-cultists and their families and their support systems in
general stop doing their homework too soon. They get a little bit of knowledge
and begin to stop hurting, so they stop learning and reworking the experience.
Let me suggest you do yourself a really big favor and don't be one of these
people. Read, talk, and write again and again until you understand how it
happened and how to prevent it (See Andersen &Zimbardo, 1984).
Learn to Tell Your Story
Understanding the experience to the point you can explain it to someone else is
not as simple as it may sound. First, you need to understand mind control
techniques and, secondly, you need to learn how to effectively communicate
this information to others.
Many ex-cultists, especially in the early months, try to get anyone and everyone
to comprehend the experience. This is not effective communication. Some, a bit
less tactful, even try to cram comprehension down the throats of their listeners.
Like a bull in a china shop, they do an "information dump" on anyone within
range. If the listener doesn't understand, the ex-cultist gets frustrated and
angry and/or judges the listener to be a fool. Those listeners who do manage to
understand something out of this barrage are usually overwhelmed and
frightened when they leave the discussion. This is not a healthy or responsible
