Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 63
Things Fall Apart
A few months before I actually left, my husband and I became involved briefly with one
other couple. It was an act of desperation and an act that would prove to save my life and
the life of my son. The man in the other couple was a fringe student of Louis‟s, and very
skeptical of the entire subject. With a solid background in psychology, he actively voiced his
doubts and concerns over the destruction of families. His varied point of view began to
dissolve the fixity I had in the system I had lived under for 20 years. While my husband and
this other man‟s wife became ardent followers of Louis‟s secrecy and inner circle, this man
and I began to look for outside help.
We separated our lives from the rules and regulations of Louis‟s tyranny, which led us to be
put before a tribunal and ostracized. The ostracism pushed me further out of the closed
society. I did the forbidden: I went to a therapist from outside the community. I went to
Social Services Sexual Assault counseling and began to tell what had happened, what was
still happening. I began to get help for myself and for my 9-year-old son.
My marriage fell apart. Although I continued to live in the family home (which was located
in the middle of the community) with my son, my connection with the group began to thin
out. I was shunned and slandered for leaving. I was personally condemned by Louis, and
physically and socially threatened. Both Louis and my husband blamed me for the
breakdown of our marriage. The fact of the sexual abuse was completely ignored as a
reason by anyone involved in this community of secrecy. Nowhere in all of this did Louis
admit culpability. He was right and always remained right. I continued to get outside help.
With counseling I began to realize that our “secrets” were not religious, but were a cover-up
of an extensive, ministerial abuse system, much like the secret of incest. Not speaking out
only protected the abuser. I contacted all of the people I knew in the outer fringe of
students, both past and present, and told them what had happened and what was still
happening. The day I wrote the letter and sent it, I cowered in my room afraid that I would
be shot. I feared for my life. The power that secrecy had over me was incredible. I did the
unthinkable. I unveiled the secret. Except for the one young woman years before who had
been hospitalized and stigmatized as psychotic, no one had spoken out. Many people had
left during the years, but no one had spoken out. Even in their disconnection, former
followers kept the secret, and now I know that such silence allowed the abuse to continue.
Unfortunately, the fear I felt that day was nothing compared to the repercussions I was to
eventually receive from the reactions of others.
The Australian community erupted in chaos. The people in the inner circle were caught with
their pants down. They couldn‟t refute what I had so explicitly exposed. Somehow the
unveiling of this secrecy prevented the mass sexual abuse from continuing. It was as
though suddenly all were waking up to a horrible legacy. Louis went into hiding and without
his constant drive to keep the mass sexual lunacy going under the auspices of “yoga,” the
group split apart. Of the 10 couples involved, only one remained married. It was very ugly
for many months. We had land and property in common, but no longer a common bond.
Although some of the women received counseling, most men and women isolated
themselves in an attempt to rebuild their lives or justify what had happened. With more
than 200 students worldwide, the news eventually filtered overseas.
Somehow having been involved as a victim became a greater crime than the originator‟s
crime of ministerial abuse. And those who were most heavily involved began to lash out at
me. I was an easy target. The ones with families and professions could no longer, in good
conscience, protect or cover for Louis. Yet, it hadn‟t been their initiative to uncover the
secrecy. They had no idea what exactly the abuse was and why it had happened. They just
knew that in the public‟s eye what had taken place was outrageous, and they couldn‟t or
Things Fall Apart
A few months before I actually left, my husband and I became involved briefly with one
other couple. It was an act of desperation and an act that would prove to save my life and
the life of my son. The man in the other couple was a fringe student of Louis‟s, and very
skeptical of the entire subject. With a solid background in psychology, he actively voiced his
doubts and concerns over the destruction of families. His varied point of view began to
dissolve the fixity I had in the system I had lived under for 20 years. While my husband and
this other man‟s wife became ardent followers of Louis‟s secrecy and inner circle, this man
and I began to look for outside help.
We separated our lives from the rules and regulations of Louis‟s tyranny, which led us to be
put before a tribunal and ostracized. The ostracism pushed me further out of the closed
society. I did the forbidden: I went to a therapist from outside the community. I went to
Social Services Sexual Assault counseling and began to tell what had happened, what was
still happening. I began to get help for myself and for my 9-year-old son.
My marriage fell apart. Although I continued to live in the family home (which was located
in the middle of the community) with my son, my connection with the group began to thin
out. I was shunned and slandered for leaving. I was personally condemned by Louis, and
physically and socially threatened. Both Louis and my husband blamed me for the
breakdown of our marriage. The fact of the sexual abuse was completely ignored as a
reason by anyone involved in this community of secrecy. Nowhere in all of this did Louis
admit culpability. He was right and always remained right. I continued to get outside help.
With counseling I began to realize that our “secrets” were not religious, but were a cover-up
of an extensive, ministerial abuse system, much like the secret of incest. Not speaking out
only protected the abuser. I contacted all of the people I knew in the outer fringe of
students, both past and present, and told them what had happened and what was still
happening. The day I wrote the letter and sent it, I cowered in my room afraid that I would
be shot. I feared for my life. The power that secrecy had over me was incredible. I did the
unthinkable. I unveiled the secret. Except for the one young woman years before who had
been hospitalized and stigmatized as psychotic, no one had spoken out. Many people had
left during the years, but no one had spoken out. Even in their disconnection, former
followers kept the secret, and now I know that such silence allowed the abuse to continue.
Unfortunately, the fear I felt that day was nothing compared to the repercussions I was to
eventually receive from the reactions of others.
The Australian community erupted in chaos. The people in the inner circle were caught with
their pants down. They couldn‟t refute what I had so explicitly exposed. Somehow the
unveiling of this secrecy prevented the mass sexual abuse from continuing. It was as
though suddenly all were waking up to a horrible legacy. Louis went into hiding and without
his constant drive to keep the mass sexual lunacy going under the auspices of “yoga,” the
group split apart. Of the 10 couples involved, only one remained married. It was very ugly
for many months. We had land and property in common, but no longer a common bond.
Although some of the women received counseling, most men and women isolated
themselves in an attempt to rebuild their lives or justify what had happened. With more
than 200 students worldwide, the news eventually filtered overseas.
Somehow having been involved as a victim became a greater crime than the originator‟s
crime of ministerial abuse. And those who were most heavily involved began to lash out at
me. I was an easy target. The ones with families and professions could no longer, in good
conscience, protect or cover for Louis. Yet, it hadn‟t been their initiative to uncover the
secrecy. They had no idea what exactly the abuse was and why it had happened. They just
knew that in the public‟s eye what had taken place was outrageous, and they couldn‟t or
