Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 36
period: they simply did not have the resources to care sufficiently for their children during
that traumatic time.
A serious burden to recovery is the leader‟s parting curse --a frequent phenomenon in
cults. These curses ranged from “Your children will be cursed to the seventh generation” to
“You‟re not fit to be a mother you have an unnatural relationship and you‟ll have trouble
with your daughter when she‟s a teenager” (as if that were a profound insight!). These
women had to continually work through the weight of the leader‟s curse, or negative
prophecy, so that when their children misbehaved they could see it as children either
processing their experience or simply being children. In general, mothers nearly always
carried negative views of their parenting directly inherited from the group. This is a critical
area to explore in either support groups or in a therapeutic situation.
A crucial issue is the lack of available support resources. Jill, Helen, and Janie still feel
isolated. They regret the lack of experienced counselors. Only Jill, who went to a
rehabilitation center, had contact with a counselor experienced in cult-related issues.
Additionally, mothers and families often need (but seldom get) the same types of material
support (housing, financial, etc.) as are typically provided by women‟s shelters.
Follow-up
At the time I interviewed these women, they all felt that they were now developing close
and honest relationships with their children. Helen, in particular, said, “My children are
tremendously gifted and talented and unique. For all the trouble we had, my children love
me and I love them. We have a close relationship that many families don‟t have.”
Mary, who had not seen her children in 5 years, said: “I was determined to rebond with my
children. And I have. It took a long time and a lot of work, but now we have a good
relationship.”
Both Jill and Janie feel that they still face a lot of difficulties in their parenting, sometimes
feeling spaced out or overwhelmed. But Janie sees that she is doing the best she can. “You
just have to love them --I‟m not condemning myself.” Both she and Jill struggle with
whether they are raising their children “rightly,” but are now able to rely on their own
judgments of what that means and to separate that from the cult‟s doctrine. “I‟ve learned
that you can serve God by loving your children,” said Jill, “God doesn‟t make you choose.”
I asked these mothers to offer advice to other mothers coming out of cults. Their words
were both moving and insightful:
Jill: “Remember, this is a chapter of your life, it‟s not your whole life. Recognize that this is
a very, very hard thing to do --to keep doing your parenting and get well. It‟s not darn
hard, it‟s damn hard. It‟s so hard to get a picture of what you‟re going through. There are
no guidelines, no maps. You must get your own support: you can‟t give from an empty cup
--and you have to give so much as a parent. Get counseling --although it‟s hard to find a
counselor who understands.”
Anne: “Honesty is real critical. You need to be as honest as possible about what happened
at a level the child can understand. One thing I would tell mothers: your gut feeling is right.
It‟s the intellectual aspect where you get boxed in by the cult.”
Janie: “Seek out help. Don‟t do it alone. Seek out other people who‟ve been in cults
[because] others may not be able to understand the pressures. If you have a supportive
family, let them be involved. Spend some time for yourself. In the long run, that‟ll make
you a better parent.”
Helen: “The more I tell my own story that diminishes the shame, although the regret is
intact. But I have to negotiate with my kids, with what they want kept private. All mothers

Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 37
should teach their children to think --at the risk of them disagreeing with the parent. My
children and I talk about everything. There‟s a power in having no more secrets.”
All of the women I interviewed were glad of the opportunity to revisit this experience,
despite its painful nature, and they felt that there was a benefit to them in doing so.
Conclusion
Being in a cult per se does not have to permanently damage the mother-child bond
although, clearly, the experience has a severe impact on the bond. As Anne remarked,
“There‟s a dual allegiance. It‟s a power relationship. Your child is powerless, and you have
less power than the cult leader. Your child has no one but you to protect them.... A mother
should primarily be taking care of her child. But in a cult, it‟s always a conflict.”
If demonstrated by the women I interviewed, the prognosis for recovery of that bond is
good, so long as the cult experience is dealt with honestly and openly. Though it is a
devastating way to learn, many of these mothers felt that they had gained a deep and
lasting understanding of issues of power abuse and that, in most cases, they were able to
pass this on to their children. They shared a strong desire to encourage critical and
independent thinking in their children.
It is my hope that these mothers‟ stories will not be wasted: that those of us who are
concerned about cults will continue to study the experiences of cult survivors in order to
effectively educate and inform the public to prevent future tragedies.
References
Atack, J. (1990). A piece of blue sky. New York: Lyle Stuart.
Boulette, T.R., &Andersen, S.M. (1986). “Mind control” and the battering of women. Cultic
Studies Journal, 3,1, 25-35.
Connor, R. (1979). Walled in: The true story of a cult. New York: Signet.
Deikman, A.J. (1990). The wrong way home. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.
Feinsod, E. (1981). Awake in a nightmare. New York: Norton.
Langone, M.D. (Ed.). (1993). Recovery from cults: Help for victims of psychological and
spiritual abuse. New York: Norton.
Singer, M.T., with Lalich, J. (1995). Cults in our midst: The hidden menace in our everyday
lives. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Tobias, M.L., &Lalich, J. (1994). Captive hearts, captive minds: Freedom and recovery from
cults and abusive relationships. Alameda, CA: Hunter House.
Acknowledgments
I would like to acknowledge the brave women who shared their stories with me.
********************
Alexandra Stein spent 10 years in a leftist political cult based in Minnesota. She is
currently writing a book about this experience. She volunteers as a cult awareness activist
and educator.
This article is an electronic version of an article originally published in Cultic Studies Journal, 1997, Volume 14,
Number 1, pages 40-57. Please keep in mind that the pagination of this electronic reprint differs from that of the
bound volume. This fact could affect how you enter bibliographic information in papers that you may write.