Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 54
No Place to Go:
Life in a Prison Without Bars
Katherine E. Betz
Walnut Creek, California
Abstract
This article describes a woman‟s experience of 21 years of sexual and psychological
abuse and exploitation under the guise of meditation and psychotherapy. Her
journey begins with a spiritual-social retreat and leads her into the hands of a
teacher and leader who adopts her as one of his chosen disciples. She clashes again
and again in moral conflict with this guru and eventually leaves the cult, uncovering
the inner workings of the group and its leader to the outer layer of members and
the general public.
I am 45 years old. For 21 years I lived within the confines of a closed society, a pseudo-
psychotherapy/meditation group led by a man whom I will call “Louis.” I write this article in
order to try to help others by shedding light on the process by which intelligent seekers
become stuck in a form of mental servitude. I maintain the anonymity of the leader, other
persons, and identifying data on the group for several reasons. First, I write about what was
a relatively small group (several hundreds of members), which appears to be reforming, and
I wish to protect individuals‟ confidentiality. Second, I do not want to obscure my primary
purpose of helping others understand manipulative influence processes by making this
article appear to be a mere exposé of the deeds of somebody who hurt me.
Because I spent so many years in this group, most of my adult life was consumed by a set
of rules and regulations governing my thoughts, my feelings, my ideals, my family, my
friends, and my community. Leaving this enclosure has not been easy. I experienced
extreme depression, suicidal tendencies, guilt, and loss. I lost my family, community, home,
and source of income. It has been a long road to recovery and to freedom --a project that
has yet to be completed. There are parts of me that will never heal because of what
happened.
My recovery involved restructuring myself and my goals to discover a personal life purpose
outside of the mind-set put forth in the group. I have learned to survive the abuse and
slander put forth by members and former members of the group, engendered by my
departure from the group (which subsequently tore it apart). Primarily I have used this time
to begin to understand what happened and why. What was the abuse, what went wrong,
and how could I correct it? I have also tried to understand what went right and how to keep
it. Even though Louis misused his leadership role and caused me a great deal of suffering
(and what I consider to be irreparable damage), not all that happened to me during that
time was abusive. In spite of an oppressive environment, I had developed my own
characteristics, strengths, values, and abilities. Separating the abuse from the valuable has
been crucial to my survival. I could not afford to throw away 21 years without at least
looking through those experiences and finding some of myself. To do all that, it was
necessary to understand what, precisely, was the abuse--what was the wrong that was
done.
The Beginning
It began in 1972. I was 20 years old and studying at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.
Like many of that age, I was looking for myself and a way to live my life. There was much
No Place to Go:
Life in a Prison Without Bars
Katherine E. Betz
Walnut Creek, California
Abstract
This article describes a woman‟s experience of 21 years of sexual and psychological
abuse and exploitation under the guise of meditation and psychotherapy. Her
journey begins with a spiritual-social retreat and leads her into the hands of a
teacher and leader who adopts her as one of his chosen disciples. She clashes again
and again in moral conflict with this guru and eventually leaves the cult, uncovering
the inner workings of the group and its leader to the outer layer of members and
the general public.
I am 45 years old. For 21 years I lived within the confines of a closed society, a pseudo-
psychotherapy/meditation group led by a man whom I will call “Louis.” I write this article in
order to try to help others by shedding light on the process by which intelligent seekers
become stuck in a form of mental servitude. I maintain the anonymity of the leader, other
persons, and identifying data on the group for several reasons. First, I write about what was
a relatively small group (several hundreds of members), which appears to be reforming, and
I wish to protect individuals‟ confidentiality. Second, I do not want to obscure my primary
purpose of helping others understand manipulative influence processes by making this
article appear to be a mere exposé of the deeds of somebody who hurt me.
Because I spent so many years in this group, most of my adult life was consumed by a set
of rules and regulations governing my thoughts, my feelings, my ideals, my family, my
friends, and my community. Leaving this enclosure has not been easy. I experienced
extreme depression, suicidal tendencies, guilt, and loss. I lost my family, community, home,
and source of income. It has been a long road to recovery and to freedom --a project that
has yet to be completed. There are parts of me that will never heal because of what
happened.
My recovery involved restructuring myself and my goals to discover a personal life purpose
outside of the mind-set put forth in the group. I have learned to survive the abuse and
slander put forth by members and former members of the group, engendered by my
departure from the group (which subsequently tore it apart). Primarily I have used this time
to begin to understand what happened and why. What was the abuse, what went wrong,
and how could I correct it? I have also tried to understand what went right and how to keep
it. Even though Louis misused his leadership role and caused me a great deal of suffering
(and what I consider to be irreparable damage), not all that happened to me during that
time was abusive. In spite of an oppressive environment, I had developed my own
characteristics, strengths, values, and abilities. Separating the abuse from the valuable has
been crucial to my survival. I could not afford to throw away 21 years without at least
looking through those experiences and finding some of myself. To do all that, it was
necessary to understand what, precisely, was the abuse--what was the wrong that was
done.
The Beginning
It began in 1972. I was 20 years old and studying at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.
Like many of that age, I was looking for myself and a way to live my life. There was much
