Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 101
child and the abused, misunderstood Black man in society. She admits that when her heart
is wrung, she equates it with sensations of love. The author saw herself as having a
soothing, stabilizing effect on Hakim when he would become verbally violent and
aggressive. She was 14 years older than he, and liked to mother him. She thought she
inhibited his God-feelings.
For his part, Hakim was able to manipulate Athill‟s emotions, tell her what she wanted to
hear, keep her wrapped up in him. She says, “I have never known anyone so impossible to
disregard” (p. 24). She saw signs of madness early on, such as his calling himself God, his
interest in the occult, and his seeing himself as a bestower of bliss. She obviously has read
about psychopaths, as she exhibits knowledge of them. Nevertheless, she does not provide
her story a frame of reference as she describes her continued involvement with Hakim:
giving him money, trying to help him, letting him and his girlfriend Halé (Halé was the
daughter of a former member of Parliament) stay in her flat.
Both Jean Seberg, the film star, and Halé showed their own signs of madness, and both died
in connection with Hakim (Seberg later committed suicide). And Athill admits to some of her
own lunacy in her relationship with Hakim. Athill becomes sexually involved with Hakim and
describes their three sexual encounters unnecessarily graphically, almost as if she is trying
to portray herself as a very liberated middle-aged woman. She tells Hakim that she sees
nothing wrong with incest or infantile sex. At one point she thinks, “Incest must be
delicious” (p. 27), as she‟s embracing him and feeling motherly toward him.
Hakim and Halé traveled from place to place, until they ran out of money, were kicked out,
or both. They spent time in Morocco, the United States, Guyana, then Trinidad, and at one
point hooked up with Michael X (another troubled person), to whom Hakim then passed on
the title of God. Halé was murdered very brutally by several of Michael X‟s men (it was
described as a bonding experience for them, and they were apprehended, charged, and
found guilty of the crime). Later, in Boston, Hakim is murdered, seemingly by accident.
It is this murder that Athill focuses on: the tragedy of the poor little ugly Black boy
murdered in the ghetto in which he was raised. Athill gives very little mention of Halé being
sucked in by Hakim‟s persuasive charm. Athill calls Halé‟s “a crazy infatuation --because
some vacuum in her needed filling with an emotion of sacrifice and self-immolation” (p. 95).
The author appears to have little understanding of how one person is able to manipulate
and control another.
Early in the story Athill says she dislikes and distrusts Michael X, but Hakim she likes. She
ends the book speaking of her sadness regarding this loving man who didn‟t have a chance.
Although she‟s a good, interesting writer, I was disturbed by the incongruity between her
cheerful detachment in relating these events and their inherent horribleness. I attempted to
puzzle out the author‟s approach and her point in writing this book more than 20 years after
the narrated events occurred. It‟s not quite a personal cult experience because the author is
not that introspective (although it incidentally becomes a good portrayal of what appears to
be a psychopath, yet only because she describes his deterioration as she sees him through
the years). I seemed to find the answer in her statement: “What a glutton I am for
discussing my own and everyone else‟s behavior ...even if I‟d murdered someone it
wouldn‟t seem „unspeakable‟ to me (I‟d have written a book about it by now!)” (p. 80).
Kathy Klein
Former cult member
Berkeley, California
child and the abused, misunderstood Black man in society. She admits that when her heart
is wrung, she equates it with sensations of love. The author saw herself as having a
soothing, stabilizing effect on Hakim when he would become verbally violent and
aggressive. She was 14 years older than he, and liked to mother him. She thought she
inhibited his God-feelings.
For his part, Hakim was able to manipulate Athill‟s emotions, tell her what she wanted to
hear, keep her wrapped up in him. She says, “I have never known anyone so impossible to
disregard” (p. 24). She saw signs of madness early on, such as his calling himself God, his
interest in the occult, and his seeing himself as a bestower of bliss. She obviously has read
about psychopaths, as she exhibits knowledge of them. Nevertheless, she does not provide
her story a frame of reference as she describes her continued involvement with Hakim:
giving him money, trying to help him, letting him and his girlfriend Halé (Halé was the
daughter of a former member of Parliament) stay in her flat.
Both Jean Seberg, the film star, and Halé showed their own signs of madness, and both died
in connection with Hakim (Seberg later committed suicide). And Athill admits to some of her
own lunacy in her relationship with Hakim. Athill becomes sexually involved with Hakim and
describes their three sexual encounters unnecessarily graphically, almost as if she is trying
to portray herself as a very liberated middle-aged woman. She tells Hakim that she sees
nothing wrong with incest or infantile sex. At one point she thinks, “Incest must be
delicious” (p. 27), as she‟s embracing him and feeling motherly toward him.
Hakim and Halé traveled from place to place, until they ran out of money, were kicked out,
or both. They spent time in Morocco, the United States, Guyana, then Trinidad, and at one
point hooked up with Michael X (another troubled person), to whom Hakim then passed on
the title of God. Halé was murdered very brutally by several of Michael X‟s men (it was
described as a bonding experience for them, and they were apprehended, charged, and
found guilty of the crime). Later, in Boston, Hakim is murdered, seemingly by accident.
It is this murder that Athill focuses on: the tragedy of the poor little ugly Black boy
murdered in the ghetto in which he was raised. Athill gives very little mention of Halé being
sucked in by Hakim‟s persuasive charm. Athill calls Halé‟s “a crazy infatuation --because
some vacuum in her needed filling with an emotion of sacrifice and self-immolation” (p. 95).
The author appears to have little understanding of how one person is able to manipulate
and control another.
Early in the story Athill says she dislikes and distrusts Michael X, but Hakim she likes. She
ends the book speaking of her sadness regarding this loving man who didn‟t have a chance.
Although she‟s a good, interesting writer, I was disturbed by the incongruity between her
cheerful detachment in relating these events and their inherent horribleness. I attempted to
puzzle out the author‟s approach and her point in writing this book more than 20 years after
the narrated events occurred. It‟s not quite a personal cult experience because the author is
not that introspective (although it incidentally becomes a good portrayal of what appears to
be a psychopath, yet only because she describes his deterioration as she sees him through
the years). I seemed to find the answer in her statement: “What a glutton I am for
discussing my own and everyone else‟s behavior ...even if I‟d murdered someone it
wouldn‟t seem „unspeakable‟ to me (I‟d have written a book about it by now!)” (p. 80).
Kathy Klein
Former cult member
Berkeley, California
