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arranged marriage. Once the child arrives, “cult parents in essence turn over the custody of
their children to a third party, so that the leader or the group becomes the actual custodian
of the children.” (Singer with Lalich, 1995, p. 261). The methods of control are more fully
described below.
The decision for a woman to conceive a child is frequently made by the cult leader, or at
least requires the leader’s approval. One woman waited years before receiving permission
to have a child. She said, “I really want children, but I know I‟m not ideologically developed
enough yet.”
The cult may influence both the physical and psychological aspects of pregnancy. In many
cults being pregnant is an esteemed position. As Laurel said, “It was clear to me that this
child was going to be a guaranteed recruit --it was by inheritance.” The mother may be
encouraged to feel proud of her role. Unfortunately, this esteem does not translate into
actual privileges such as adequate rest, nutrition, and prenatal care, all of which are
notoriously absent within most cults. Helen described herself as “being pregnant and looking
like walking death --I was emaciated.” She both fasted and nursed during pregnancy (in
her group, members ate proper meals only 2 or 3 times a week, living on bread the rest of
the time). Helen had prenatal care during only her first pregnancy, and for 10 years after
that neither she nor any other cult member went to a hospital or clinic. Conversely, when a
miscarriage occurs, the woman may be blamed for “ideological murder,” or, as in Janie‟s
case, for not being “faithful.”
Mothers are often discouraged from having a special bond with the child. In the cult I was
in, we were told: “Children are not your private property” or “You have too much value in
your children.” In The Wrong Way Home, Deikman (1990) describes several cult members
saying to Clara, a fellow member, “Your family is the whole world ...[your son] David is just
one of the many children you are responsible for” (p. 22). In groups such as the
Sullivanians or the Branch Davidians (see, among others, Singer with Lalich, 1995) or the
earlier Slaves of the Immaculate Heart of Mary (Connor, 1979), children barely know who or
what parents are.
Mothers may spend very little or no time with their children because of the demands of the
cult. In the early years of my cult involvement, parents saw their children only an hour or
less a day. The rest of the time children were in the group‟s child care center. About her
experience, Mary said: “It was like being a workaholic with meetings and fund-raising and
political work day and night. It consumed our lives. I knew the children would never
understand --nor did I want them to. It was assumed that we would give 100%.” In a
similar vein Janie said: AI decided I should wean [my son] early because that would leave
me freer to be involved in the group. There was pressure to be right and faithful and to give
100%.”
In many cases the child is physically taken from the parents. Nancy, a child raised in my
cult, spent 4 of her early teen years away from her parents, living with other “cadre”
members. Supposedly to “help her” while she recovered from a breakdown induced by the
stress of cultic life, Jill was persuaded to give her 6-month-old baby to a childless couple in
the group (the leader‟s brother and sister-in-law). The leader secretly promised the couple
that the baby would be theirs forever and assured them that Jill would never get well. Six
months later Jill was living in the cult‟s primitive encampment when the couple wheeled the
baby back to Jill in a wheelbarrow. The surrogate mother told Jill that she realized Jill and
the baby were bonded and the child could never really be hers.
Mothers’ behavior toward their children is carefully monitored. This monitoring may be in
the name of science, devotion to God, or personal development. The purpose, however, is
to control the relationship between the mother and child. In my group, for example, every
child‟s behavior was to be recorded on Observation Forms, the less-than-scientific results of

Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 31
which were later entered into a Lotus spreadsheet. Helen reports, “We had to be careful not
to be too kind to a child if that child had been in trouble --or we‟d get criticized. You had to
keep track of which children were in disfavor.” Parents can be “turned in” for their behavior
toward their child. For example, I was reported to leadership for letting my 4-year-old play
with Ninja Turtles and engage in “unproductive free-play.”
While there is, on the one hand, an abundance of “supervision” over one‟s parenting on the
other hand, there is no real support. Many of the mothers reported isolation or
condemnation, rather than any help in dealing with parenting problems. Jill and Janie both
had difficult babies (one colicky, the other a “Barracuda baby,” needing to nurse
constantly), and each woman struggled alone in her mothering with no support either inside
or outside the group. Further, mothers may live with the heavy fear that should they make
too serious a mistake, their children may be taken from them. “Becky once said she was
afraid of having a second child because she saw Libby‟s kid taken away,” recounted Laurel.
The mother’s position in the cult may be judged by the behavior of her children, or by the
processes of pregnancy and birth. Laurel reports that “the only time I was ever praised was
when I sent a memo saying I‟d figured out that J. was born with a birth defect because of
my anxiety and tension during the pregnancy --in other words, it was my ideological
problem.” Here is Janie‟s experience: “I went to a “„backsliders‟ meeting and had this fear of
being there with my baby --I was worried I‟d be accused of “„being into attention,‟ which
was what they said about the mothers. That if you showed any interest or affection to your
child, you were really trying to draw [the leader‟s] attention to you. I was exhausted with
breast-feeding all the time and I felt I was a bad Christian and a bad example.” Jill said:
“My second baby had colic.... The implication was she cried because I was doing or feeling
something wrong. The leader said, „I felt what your baby is feeling when she cries: she feels
like she has no mother.‟ I was devastated ...a deep sense of failure and condemnation sunk
in.”
The mother must often participate in “child-rearing” or reproductive practices which may
range from abuse and neglect to ridiculous pseudoscience. These practices are well
documented in the literature (see, for example, Atack, 1990, 245-252 Langone, 1993, pp.
329-336 Singer with Lalich, 1995, pp. 247-269). Helen adds her own story: “My kids have
been physically hurt by every adult in the cult: slapping, kicking, pulling hair. But only
Brother was allowed to use the cattle prod.... I laughed because everyone laughed, but on
the inside I was feeling absolutely sick. We were taught that „Desperate Discipline‟ was
needed to save their souls.”
Effects on and Responses of the Mother
How do mothers respond to this situation where the cult leader has control of their children?
According to Singer and Lalich:
There is an interplay between the ideology of the group and the authoritarian role
of the leader that has a particular impact on parents‟ thinking and behavior. The
authoritarian ideologue, through his control of the social system and social
environment, is able to gain compliance and obedience from the parents. The
shared ideology of the group is a set of emotionally charged convictions about
mankind and its relationship to the world.... Cult parents assume pseudo-
personalities, brought on by the cult‟s training and thought-reform processes.
(1995, p. 261)
This represents one of the key double binds in which the mother finds herself trapped.
Through the processes of thought reform (as described variously by Lifton, Singer, and
others), the cult leader becomes the mediator between the mother and her most deeply
held beliefs. Doing “the right thing” (for God, the Revolution, one‟s personal growth,