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Several of the mothers had at least a small break in their isolation. This break in isolation
ranged from my own case, where another cult member began talking with me to Helen,
whose husband confided suicidal thoughts and doubts about the leader to Anne, who had
fellow cult members actively trying to help her get out. In Mary‟s case, her estranged
children represented a point of connection to the outside world. “At the end, although I was
sure I was going to leave, the cult voice inside me was saying, “„I might as well die if I can‟t
make it in here.‟ But then a voice of reason came in over the cult voice and said, „But there
are other realities. I could have been just a mother --there‟s nothing wrong with that.‟”
In many cases, then, concern for her children‟s welfare broke through the grip of the cult,
giving the mother a kind of strength. Helen said, “It wasn‟t even about God, or good or evil
or faith or sin. It‟s about a bond that I think is primary to everything else: the very basis of
everything that is. If Brother could have broken my love for my kids, he could have broken
me forever.” She goes on, “In the end, my leaving was about being the right kind of mother
and losing my soul, or saving my soul and being the wrong kind of mother. I truly felt there
would be dire consequences if I left. But I had to stop the abuse of my children. I knew that
I couldn‟t change the dynamics of the cult by staying. I had to leave.”
It is important to remember, however, that many mothers are unable to leave cults. The
most well-known example, perhaps, is Jonestown. In that case, though, it is clear that by
the time of the mass deaths, a great deal of physical coercion was also in place. For months
prior to the mass poisonings, the mothers at Jonestown had been trapped in the jungle with
their children and without money, transport, or passports. At the very end, an armed guard
surrounded the cult members as they administered poison to their children and themselves,
or had it forced upon them (Feinsod, 1981). Can this be called suicide? These mothers had
no way to escape.
The mothers interviewed here did retain a strong bond with their children through the cult
experience. (Laurel‟s example is more complex as she now is unable to have contact with
her child however, she clearly continues to have an emotional bond toward her). Eventually
the mothers were able to act on the mother-child bond and move to protect their children
given a combination of (1) a continued threat to their child‟s, or their own, well-being (2)
some outside support or connection to the non-cult world and (3) a gradual return of
critical thought, allowing them to evaluate the group‟s inconsistencies. It would be valuable
to conduct further research to study those mothers who are not ever able to leave a cult,
despite ongoing maltreatment of their children.
Recovery
Coming out of a cult with children is a Herculean task. Not only does one have to rebuild
one‟s own life, belief systems, one‟s very self, but also one has to care for the children,
perhaps navigate a divorce and custody battle, deal with a spouse still in the cult, or rebuild
a marriage from the ground up. The mother and children‟s community is gone, and the
children lose friends and adults in the cult who were close to them. Often the mother faces
serious financial problems and frequently has to find housing. No matter how you look at it,
the task of survival is huge.
All the mothers interviewed for this article suffered fairly severe depressions after leaving
(with the possible exception of Laurel who moved straight into an intensive personal-growth
group). One woman broke down, attempted suicide, and was hospitalized for an extended
period. For myself, I felt that I wanted to break down but that I couldn‟t, I had to hold on
for the children. This feeling was shared by some of the other mothers: we had to find
reserves of strength we didn‟t know we had. Clara said, “I sometimes thought [that what
enabled me to leave] was the mother lion energy in me” (Deikman, 1990, p. 38). Anne and
Jill, on the other hand, felt they had neglected their children during the initial recovery

Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 36
period: they simply did not have the resources to care sufficiently for their children during
that traumatic time.
A serious burden to recovery is the leader‟s parting curse --a frequent phenomenon in
cults. These curses ranged from “Your children will be cursed to the seventh generation” to
“You‟re not fit to be a mother you have an unnatural relationship and you‟ll have trouble
with your daughter when she‟s a teenager” (as if that were a profound insight!). These
women had to continually work through the weight of the leader‟s curse, or negative
prophecy, so that when their children misbehaved they could see it as children either
processing their experience or simply being children. In general, mothers nearly always
carried negative views of their parenting directly inherited from the group. This is a critical
area to explore in either support groups or in a therapeutic situation.
A crucial issue is the lack of available support resources. Jill, Helen, and Janie still feel
isolated. They regret the lack of experienced counselors. Only Jill, who went to a
rehabilitation center, had contact with a counselor experienced in cult-related issues.
Additionally, mothers and families often need (but seldom get) the same types of material
support (housing, financial, etc.) as are typically provided by women‟s shelters.
Follow-up
At the time I interviewed these women, they all felt that they were now developing close
and honest relationships with their children. Helen, in particular, said, “My children are
tremendously gifted and talented and unique. For all the trouble we had, my children love
me and I love them. We have a close relationship that many families don‟t have.”
Mary, who had not seen her children in 5 years, said: “I was determined to rebond with my
children. And I have. It took a long time and a lot of work, but now we have a good
relationship.”
Both Jill and Janie feel that they still face a lot of difficulties in their parenting, sometimes
feeling spaced out or overwhelmed. But Janie sees that she is doing the best she can. “You
just have to love them --I‟m not condemning myself.” Both she and Jill struggle with
whether they are raising their children “rightly,” but are now able to rely on their own
judgments of what that means and to separate that from the cult‟s doctrine. “I‟ve learned
that you can serve God by loving your children,” said Jill, “God doesn‟t make you choose.”
I asked these mothers to offer advice to other mothers coming out of cults. Their words
were both moving and insightful:
Jill: “Remember, this is a chapter of your life, it‟s not your whole life. Recognize that this is
a very, very hard thing to do --to keep doing your parenting and get well. It‟s not darn
hard, it‟s damn hard. It‟s so hard to get a picture of what you‟re going through. There are
no guidelines, no maps. You must get your own support: you can‟t give from an empty cup
--and you have to give so much as a parent. Get counseling --although it‟s hard to find a
counselor who understands.”
Anne: “Honesty is real critical. You need to be as honest as possible about what happened
at a level the child can understand. One thing I would tell mothers: your gut feeling is right.
It‟s the intellectual aspect where you get boxed in by the cult.”
Janie: “Seek out help. Don‟t do it alone. Seek out other people who‟ve been in cults
[because] others may not be able to understand the pressures. If you have a supportive
family, let them be involved. Spend some time for yourself. In the long run, that‟ll make
you a better parent.”
Helen: “The more I tell my own story that diminishes the shame, although the regret is
intact. But I have to negotiate with my kids, with what they want kept private. All mothers