Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 33
years, saying, “I thought they‟d be harassed by the FBI --the FBI had already visited other
members of my family.”
When Laurel agreed to give up her disabled child she said, “J. needed the best chance in life
...and so I could let her go.”
Janie told me, “I wanted my son to have a happier life. But this was The Truth. It must have
been something wrong with me if I wanted to leave. It was God‟s will for us to be there. It
should have been the best thing for him, but all there was around us was hopelessness.”
Or Helen, whose children suffered considerable physical abuse: “Brother said it was the Holy
Way. He took so many liberties with my children and told me to consider it an honor.”
Rosanne Henry, who gave up her child to her cult leader, shared her story in Captive
Hearts, Captive Minds (Tobias &Lalich, 1994): “After two months of hell I finally agreed to
the plan. I remember the very moment when I flipped the switch. “„There is nothing greater
that I could do for my child than give her to the divine mother,‟ I thought” (p. 235).
What comes across in these stories is how the mothers felt that they were doing the best
thing for their children. Perhaps in this way mothers strive to reconcile the internal conflict
that is at work. They do, clearly, still love their children deeply. In that sense the bond
between mother and child remains intact.
For some mothers, however, their children represented a barrier to their complete
dedication to the cult. Jill (who, before joining the cult, imagined that she would be a “fun
and empathetic” mother) was often resentful of her young children when they made noise
during endless meetings with no child care. She felt that they were preventing her from
“knowing God,” as well as casting a bad light on her as a poor mother and, therefore, a
sinner. For Jill, the conflict was the double bind of having to be a perfect mother (in the
cult‟s view), yet having to give the cult 100% and so not having time or resources to
properly parent her children. She now feels that this strain had a severe impact on her bond
with her oldest child.
Sometimes a mother‟s acceptance of the cult‟s influence may reflect her own ambivalent
feelings about certain issues. In these cases, perhaps the cult involvement helps “resolve” a
difficulty for the mother.
For Mary, joining the cult and not seeing her children for 5 years resolved the intense
conflicts she felt toward her children, who had chosen to live with their father because of
Mary‟s lesbianism. She had felt alienated from her children and unable to participate
positively in rearing them. In joining the cult, she both regained an inner sense of meaning
lost to her when her children moved away, and removed herself from her painful role as
noncustodial parent.
In Laurel‟s case, the “recommendation” to give up her disabled child spoke to two issues for
her. First, she didn‟t love the child‟s father: “I could have made a commitment to go with
them if I had loved him.” Second, “If I were to leave [with the baby and father], I thought I
would have to stay home with J. and make her therapy my full-time career, while „Dave‟
would be an accountant and earn our living. I saw that as self-sacrifice and I didn‟t see
myself as that type of person.”
It would be important to further pursue the question of how mothers respond to this
fundamental internal conflict: between their own sense of what is right and the cult‟s
control. My observations lead me to see three different ways this conflict plays out:
The mother may continue to consciously disagree with the cult practices, but will give in
externally to resolve the pressure being applied on her. She carries within her, however, a
continuing, nagging sense that what she is being asked to do is wrong, even while she may
years, saying, “I thought they‟d be harassed by the FBI --the FBI had already visited other
members of my family.”
When Laurel agreed to give up her disabled child she said, “J. needed the best chance in life
...and so I could let her go.”
Janie told me, “I wanted my son to have a happier life. But this was The Truth. It must have
been something wrong with me if I wanted to leave. It was God‟s will for us to be there. It
should have been the best thing for him, but all there was around us was hopelessness.”
Or Helen, whose children suffered considerable physical abuse: “Brother said it was the Holy
Way. He took so many liberties with my children and told me to consider it an honor.”
Rosanne Henry, who gave up her child to her cult leader, shared her story in Captive
Hearts, Captive Minds (Tobias &Lalich, 1994): “After two months of hell I finally agreed to
the plan. I remember the very moment when I flipped the switch. “„There is nothing greater
that I could do for my child than give her to the divine mother,‟ I thought” (p. 235).
What comes across in these stories is how the mothers felt that they were doing the best
thing for their children. Perhaps in this way mothers strive to reconcile the internal conflict
that is at work. They do, clearly, still love their children deeply. In that sense the bond
between mother and child remains intact.
For some mothers, however, their children represented a barrier to their complete
dedication to the cult. Jill (who, before joining the cult, imagined that she would be a “fun
and empathetic” mother) was often resentful of her young children when they made noise
during endless meetings with no child care. She felt that they were preventing her from
“knowing God,” as well as casting a bad light on her as a poor mother and, therefore, a
sinner. For Jill, the conflict was the double bind of having to be a perfect mother (in the
cult‟s view), yet having to give the cult 100% and so not having time or resources to
properly parent her children. She now feels that this strain had a severe impact on her bond
with her oldest child.
Sometimes a mother‟s acceptance of the cult‟s influence may reflect her own ambivalent
feelings about certain issues. In these cases, perhaps the cult involvement helps “resolve” a
difficulty for the mother.
For Mary, joining the cult and not seeing her children for 5 years resolved the intense
conflicts she felt toward her children, who had chosen to live with their father because of
Mary‟s lesbianism. She had felt alienated from her children and unable to participate
positively in rearing them. In joining the cult, she both regained an inner sense of meaning
lost to her when her children moved away, and removed herself from her painful role as
noncustodial parent.
In Laurel‟s case, the “recommendation” to give up her disabled child spoke to two issues for
her. First, she didn‟t love the child‟s father: “I could have made a commitment to go with
them if I had loved him.” Second, “If I were to leave [with the baby and father], I thought I
would have to stay home with J. and make her therapy my full-time career, while „Dave‟
would be an accountant and earn our living. I saw that as self-sacrifice and I didn‟t see
myself as that type of person.”
It would be important to further pursue the question of how mothers respond to this
fundamental internal conflict: between their own sense of what is right and the cult‟s
control. My observations lead me to see three different ways this conflict plays out:
The mother may continue to consciously disagree with the cult practices, but will give in
externally to resolve the pressure being applied on her. She carries within her, however, a
continuing, nagging sense that what she is being asked to do is wrong, even while she may
