Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 4
Introduction: “We Own Her Now”
Janja Lalich
Community Resources on Influence &Control
Alameda, California
Once, in a leadership meeting, my cult leader scoffingly remarked about a relatively new
member, “Hah, we own her now!” This victory was proclaimed by our leader in response to
learning that the young woman had just broken her engagement with her fiancé, someone
had not been interested in joining our group and who, it was feared, would hold the woman
back from deepening her commitment to us.
We own her now. I own her now. I own them now. I own you now.
How often must such thoughts run through the minds of psychopaths, con artists, cult
leaders, and out-of-control authoritarian figures? Some historians and researchers say that
ownership of women and attitudes of dominance and control date back to the “humblest
beginnings of social order” (Brownmiller, 1975) and many social commentators would
argue that these oppressive attitudes prevail yet today --despite the advances in
consciousness, perception, and legal rights favoring women that have been brought about
by various progressive social movements.
Yet, how infrequently we explore these unequal power dynamics, and how little we truly
comprehend their effects on women today. Even more sequestered from our view are the
countless hidden, coercive relationships: the terrified woman held in an abusive “intimate”
relationship, the “chosen” student intimidated into having sex with her teacher, the trusting
parishioner tricked into a secret affair with her pastor, the selfless devotee caught in a web
of pseudospiritual sexual shenanigans with her guru, the confused client persuaded to
indulge the fantasies of her self-serving therapist. The acts of exploitation and abuse found
in what might be described as ultra-authoritarian or psychologically coercive settings range
from a woman being subjected to obey rigid (and often arbitrary) rules governing her daily
life, personal life, intimate life, and sexual mores, to having marriage and childbearing
controlled, to being a victim of ongoing sexual harassment, rape, and physical violence.
Are women more susceptible to the psychological ruses employed by others to gain power,
control, and sexual favors? Are women more compliant because of their socialization to
endure more, complain less, doubt themselves more, trust authorities (especially male
ones) without hesitation? I have done no studies to prove it, but I think so. Almost without
exception throughout the world, women are taught --directly and indirectly, and in
practically every avenue and milieu of our existence from the time we are little girls on --to
put ourselves aside and put the other first. What better setup for the person (male or
female) who --whether motivated by delusion or downright evil intent --desires and
conspires to take advantage of others?
Talking openly about such issues is never easy, especially when one has been the object of
such humiliation, manipulation, and in some cases excessively dangerous behavior. Public
understanding is lacking, at best, and is blaming and deprecatory, at worst. And
professional comprehension, or even a serious tackling of this topic, has not fared much
better. Yet, open discourse is the only way as a society we can learn of these harsh realities
and begin perhaps to do something about them.
In the preface to a new edition of her seminal study, In a Different Voice, psychologist Carol
Gilligan wrote that women speaking out is part of “the ongoing historical process of
changing the voice of the world by bringing women‟s voices into the open, thus starting a
Introduction: “We Own Her Now”
Janja Lalich
Community Resources on Influence &Control
Alameda, California
Once, in a leadership meeting, my cult leader scoffingly remarked about a relatively new
member, “Hah, we own her now!” This victory was proclaimed by our leader in response to
learning that the young woman had just broken her engagement with her fiancé, someone
had not been interested in joining our group and who, it was feared, would hold the woman
back from deepening her commitment to us.
We own her now. I own her now. I own them now. I own you now.
How often must such thoughts run through the minds of psychopaths, con artists, cult
leaders, and out-of-control authoritarian figures? Some historians and researchers say that
ownership of women and attitudes of dominance and control date back to the “humblest
beginnings of social order” (Brownmiller, 1975) and many social commentators would
argue that these oppressive attitudes prevail yet today --despite the advances in
consciousness, perception, and legal rights favoring women that have been brought about
by various progressive social movements.
Yet, how infrequently we explore these unequal power dynamics, and how little we truly
comprehend their effects on women today. Even more sequestered from our view are the
countless hidden, coercive relationships: the terrified woman held in an abusive “intimate”
relationship, the “chosen” student intimidated into having sex with her teacher, the trusting
parishioner tricked into a secret affair with her pastor, the selfless devotee caught in a web
of pseudospiritual sexual shenanigans with her guru, the confused client persuaded to
indulge the fantasies of her self-serving therapist. The acts of exploitation and abuse found
in what might be described as ultra-authoritarian or psychologically coercive settings range
from a woman being subjected to obey rigid (and often arbitrary) rules governing her daily
life, personal life, intimate life, and sexual mores, to having marriage and childbearing
controlled, to being a victim of ongoing sexual harassment, rape, and physical violence.
Are women more susceptible to the psychological ruses employed by others to gain power,
control, and sexual favors? Are women more compliant because of their socialization to
endure more, complain less, doubt themselves more, trust authorities (especially male
ones) without hesitation? I have done no studies to prove it, but I think so. Almost without
exception throughout the world, women are taught --directly and indirectly, and in
practically every avenue and milieu of our existence from the time we are little girls on --to
put ourselves aside and put the other first. What better setup for the person (male or
female) who --whether motivated by delusion or downright evil intent --desires and
conspires to take advantage of others?
Talking openly about such issues is never easy, especially when one has been the object of
such humiliation, manipulation, and in some cases excessively dangerous behavior. Public
understanding is lacking, at best, and is blaming and deprecatory, at worst. And
professional comprehension, or even a serious tackling of this topic, has not fared much
better. Yet, open discourse is the only way as a society we can learn of these harsh realities
and begin perhaps to do something about them.
In the preface to a new edition of her seminal study, In a Different Voice, psychologist Carol
Gilligan wrote that women speaking out is part of “the ongoing historical process of
changing the voice of the world by bringing women‟s voices into the open, thus starting a
