Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 28
Mothers in Cults: The Influence of Cults on the
Relationship of Mothers to Their Children
Alexandra Stein
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Abstract
The author discusses the experience of mothers in cults and the impact of
such an experience on the mother-child bond. The methods used in cults to
control and limit this bond, and the responses of mothers to these controls
are explored here. Some areas of focus are proposed for the education and
support of mothers exiting cults.
I became a mother during the 10 years I spent in a left-wing political cult. In fact, becoming
a mother was one of many “recommendations” made to me by the cult leader. Like other
things in the beginning, it was something I wasn‟t fully ready for yet I didn‟t object. Having
a child was a strategic step in my ideological development, I was told. It would ground me
in the real experience of working women, whom, supposedly, we saw as leadership.
Years later, when I was just 2 years out of the cult, I watched the siege of Waco unfold. I
followed the news obsessively and when the Branch Davidian compound went up in flames,
I sobbed for hours and hours. The horror of that moment has never left me. The thought
that stuck in my head was this: there but for the grace of god go I ...And my children, my
living, laughing, life-loving children, they too could have been sacrificed to one man‟s
madness. I could not separate myself from the mothers and children who stayed with David
Koresh and his apocalyptic fire. Whatever happened exactly at the end of the siege --and
perhaps we‟ll never know --I felt I could understand, deep inside myself, how a woman
could get trapped so surely that dying with her children seemed like the right thing to do.
***
There are important questions to address in trying to understand the experience of mothers
in cults: How does a mother‟s love for her children become so distorted? What methods are
used in cults to accomplish this? What goes on inside a mother‟s head and heart when the
bond with her child is threatened? Why are mothers able to resist this threat in some
situations and not in others? And, can such damage be healed?
This article is offered as a contribution to the discussion of these questions, focusing on how
mothers are controlled in cults, what the effect of this control is on the mother-child
relationship, when and how the limits of the cult‟s control are reached, and the mother‟s
process of recovery. To this end, I interviewed six women who were mothers while in cults,
reflected on my own experience, and also read several written accounts of mothers and
children in cults. Names and details have been changed to protect confidentiality.
To begin, I will introduce my six interview subjects, whose comments appear throughout:
Anne: Anne spent 17 years in a left-wing political cult based in the Midwest. Due to illness,
Anne had a hysterectomy as a young woman. When members in the cult were generally
being encouraged, or allowed, to have children, Anne was told she should adopt a child. The
cult leader mediated the adoption process, at one point taking several thousand dollars from
Anne, claiming it was for an adoption that later “fell through.” Anne was financially exploited
in the cult to the tune of more than $50,000. She did finally adopt a child, and she and her
teenage daughter have been out of the cult for 5 years.
Mothers in Cults: The Influence of Cults on the
Relationship of Mothers to Their Children
Alexandra Stein
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Abstract
The author discusses the experience of mothers in cults and the impact of
such an experience on the mother-child bond. The methods used in cults to
control and limit this bond, and the responses of mothers to these controls
are explored here. Some areas of focus are proposed for the education and
support of mothers exiting cults.
I became a mother during the 10 years I spent in a left-wing political cult. In fact, becoming
a mother was one of many “recommendations” made to me by the cult leader. Like other
things in the beginning, it was something I wasn‟t fully ready for yet I didn‟t object. Having
a child was a strategic step in my ideological development, I was told. It would ground me
in the real experience of working women, whom, supposedly, we saw as leadership.
Years later, when I was just 2 years out of the cult, I watched the siege of Waco unfold. I
followed the news obsessively and when the Branch Davidian compound went up in flames,
I sobbed for hours and hours. The horror of that moment has never left me. The thought
that stuck in my head was this: there but for the grace of god go I ...And my children, my
living, laughing, life-loving children, they too could have been sacrificed to one man‟s
madness. I could not separate myself from the mothers and children who stayed with David
Koresh and his apocalyptic fire. Whatever happened exactly at the end of the siege --and
perhaps we‟ll never know --I felt I could understand, deep inside myself, how a woman
could get trapped so surely that dying with her children seemed like the right thing to do.
***
There are important questions to address in trying to understand the experience of mothers
in cults: How does a mother‟s love for her children become so distorted? What methods are
used in cults to accomplish this? What goes on inside a mother‟s head and heart when the
bond with her child is threatened? Why are mothers able to resist this threat in some
situations and not in others? And, can such damage be healed?
This article is offered as a contribution to the discussion of these questions, focusing on how
mothers are controlled in cults, what the effect of this control is on the mother-child
relationship, when and how the limits of the cult‟s control are reached, and the mother‟s
process of recovery. To this end, I interviewed six women who were mothers while in cults,
reflected on my own experience, and also read several written accounts of mothers and
children in cults. Names and details have been changed to protect confidentiality.
To begin, I will introduce my six interview subjects, whose comments appear throughout:
Anne: Anne spent 17 years in a left-wing political cult based in the Midwest. Due to illness,
Anne had a hysterectomy as a young woman. When members in the cult were generally
being encouraged, or allowed, to have children, Anne was told she should adopt a child. The
cult leader mediated the adoption process, at one point taking several thousand dollars from
Anne, claiming it was for an adoption that later “fell through.” Anne was financially exploited
in the cult to the tune of more than $50,000. She did finally adopt a child, and she and her
teenage daughter have been out of the cult for 5 years.
