Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 28
Mothers in Cults: The Influence of Cults on the
Relationship of Mothers to Their Children
Alexandra Stein
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Abstract
The author discusses the experience of mothers in cults and the impact of
such an experience on the mother-child bond. The methods used in cults to
control and limit this bond, and the responses of mothers to these controls
are explored here. Some areas of focus are proposed for the education and
support of mothers exiting cults.
I became a mother during the 10 years I spent in a left-wing political cult. In fact, becoming
a mother was one of many “recommendations” made to me by the cult leader. Like other
things in the beginning, it was something I wasn‟t fully ready for yet I didn‟t object. Having
a child was a strategic step in my ideological development, I was told. It would ground me
in the real experience of working women, whom, supposedly, we saw as leadership.
Years later, when I was just 2 years out of the cult, I watched the siege of Waco unfold. I
followed the news obsessively and when the Branch Davidian compound went up in flames,
I sobbed for hours and hours. The horror of that moment has never left me. The thought
that stuck in my head was this: there but for the grace of god go I ...And my children, my
living, laughing, life-loving children, they too could have been sacrificed to one man‟s
madness. I could not separate myself from the mothers and children who stayed with David
Koresh and his apocalyptic fire. Whatever happened exactly at the end of the siege --and
perhaps we‟ll never know --I felt I could understand, deep inside myself, how a woman
could get trapped so surely that dying with her children seemed like the right thing to do.
***
There are important questions to address in trying to understand the experience of mothers
in cults: How does a mother‟s love for her children become so distorted? What methods are
used in cults to accomplish this? What goes on inside a mother‟s head and heart when the
bond with her child is threatened? Why are mothers able to resist this threat in some
situations and not in others? And, can such damage be healed?
This article is offered as a contribution to the discussion of these questions, focusing on how
mothers are controlled in cults, what the effect of this control is on the mother-child
relationship, when and how the limits of the cult‟s control are reached, and the mother‟s
process of recovery. To this end, I interviewed six women who were mothers while in cults,
reflected on my own experience, and also read several written accounts of mothers and
children in cults. Names and details have been changed to protect confidentiality.
To begin, I will introduce my six interview subjects, whose comments appear throughout:
Anne: Anne spent 17 years in a left-wing political cult based in the Midwest. Due to illness,
Anne had a hysterectomy as a young woman. When members in the cult were generally
being encouraged, or allowed, to have children, Anne was told she should adopt a child. The
cult leader mediated the adoption process, at one point taking several thousand dollars from
Anne, claiming it was for an adoption that later “fell through.” Anne was financially exploited
in the cult to the tune of more than $50,000. She did finally adopt a child, and she and her
teenage daughter have been out of the cult for 5 years.

Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 29
Laurel: Laurel spent 16 years in the same cult as Anne. As a self-described “free-spirit,” and
having some fear of the childbirth process, Laurel had not planned on having children.
However, when a committee in the cult directed her and her cult-arranged partner to do so,
she agreed. The child had a traumatic delivery and was born with developmental problems.
When the child was 2, the cult leader informed Laurel and her partner that they would have
to either leave the cult or abandon the child. Laurel‟s partner left with the child, while Laurel
made the decision to stay. Later, Laurel entered into another arranged relationship within
the group and adopted a child. Laurel left the cult along with some other members, but
immediately joined an intensive personal-growth training group.
Janie: Janie spent 4 years in a Christian group that grew out of the “hippie Jesus
movement.” She was married in the cult, (atypically) without the cult‟s approval, and had
her first child. She had always wanted to have children and looked forward to being a good
mother. For much of the time she was a peripheral member, known in the group as a
“backslider.” She left the cult when her first child was a year old, and with her own self-
esteem as a mother badly damaged. She had three more children after leaving. Years later,
Janie‟s husband became involved with Amway, and Janie recognized many of the same
patterns of behavior as they had encountered in the earlier cult experience. Janie then
sought out an ex-cult-member support group, and she and her husband are only now, 7
years later, beginning to understand the impact of their cult experiences.
Jill: During high school Jill became involved with a religious cult that blended Reorganized
Latter Day Saints doctrine with Native American rituals. The cult finally went “back to the
land to escape the Russians,” living in tents and rudimentary houses without modern
conveniences such as electricity or running water. Jill met her husband in the group and had
two children. At one point the cult leader persuaded Jill to give up her baby daughter for 6
months. He also separated Jill and her husband twice. During one of those separations Jill‟s
husband left the group. A few months later Jill followed him with the children. They have
been out for 6 years.
Helen: While in high school Helen got involved in a bible-based group led by a man from
India. When Helen was 19 the leader arranged her marriage to a man in the group. At age
20, Helen had her first child. The group did not believe in birth control, and by the time
Helen left the group 10 years later, she had seven children. Prior to joining the group Helen
had had plans to go to college and had not yet started thinking about having children. Even
though she left the group and her husband stayed, they continued to live together until his
death in an auto accident a few months later. Helen believes that her husband‟s death was
related to his cult involvement --either as a suicide or as a result of sleep-deprivation and
overwork. She is now raising her seven children on her own. She has been out for 9 years.
Mary: Mary spent 5 years in a semi-militaristic, left-wing political cult on the West Coast.
Her children were 11 and 13 years old when she joined the cult, and both were living with
their father. Her relationship with her children was very difficult at that point due, among
other things, to her coming out as a lesbian. She did not see her children for the 5 years
she was in the group. She finally left after becoming disillusioned with the organization and
because she wanted to reconnect with her children. She has been out for 13 years over
time and with some difficulty, Mary has rebuilt a positive relationship with her children.
Methods of Control
The bond between mothers and children is controlled in multiple ways in a cult. This can be
done through the following means: control of conception and pregnancy discouraging the
mother-child bond control of time spent with the child actual or threatened removal of the
child from the mother monitoring and judging the relationship between the mother and the
child and generally directing the mother‟s child-rearing practices. The control often starts
well before pregnancy, for example, by manipulating the parents‟ relationship through an