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were regarded as remnants of a contemptible quality to conquer in oneself, leftover from
our upbringing. Thus we learned to ignore our best wisdom, our inner guidance. Conscience
was to be replaced by a sort of moral relativism, that is, good and evil were relative and
the more developed a being (read the leader), the fewer constraints or “laws” bound him.
Again we are downplaying incidents that might appear sensational to try to underline how
subtle even this final stage of captivity can be. Years can go by, even for those of us who
lived outside the community retreat or communal house, before we realize we are living
someone else‟s life. A quiet despair often sets in. (More than one advanced follower was
taking anti-depressants prescribed by one of the many faithful group member psychiatrists.)
Interestingly, the leader accounted for despair, which began to be prevalent in his long-
term members, by describing it as a necessary stage for the advanced aspirant to endure, a
sign of the final stages of awakening. Because there is no physical violence, no blatant
tortures, even the most broken personality can carry on as though nothing has happened.
Some even become more self-confident through a deepened dependency on the leader,
mistaking the power we have given him for our own.
This can be a critical time for the leader. If the despair and apathy of identity diffusion set in
too deeply, the captive will no longer be as useful to the perpetrator. He must tread lightly
through the dismantling, leaving enough self-sense for the person to carry on as treasurer,
center director, business manager, or chef. Yet, too much self-sense means independent
thought survives, and the person may leave. Ah, the trials and tribulations of guruship.
From our experience, the leader mercilessly took advantage of these periods of personality
breaks to exploit us to his advantage until we each, in our own way, burned out. For,
eventually such a broken personality finds it difficult to maintain the heavy load of
responsibility expected of longer term members. You drift away from leadership even
though you stay in the group. Hence, the group always needs new recruits to continue the
work, even if the long-time members don‟t actually leave.
The combination of fear induction, extensive control, and the dismantling of personality
created an imperceptible, crazy-making atmosphere. We were locked into a “battered
follower” syndrome, psychologically beaten down, yet unable to leave. The more he would
charmingly hurt, humiliate, and threaten us with abandonment in the name of helping us,
the more we would salve the wounds with increased loyalty, justification of his behavior,
and finding fault with ourselves. In such a situation, we drift further and further from the
voice of our own hearts. For women, this voice has a unique sound we‟ve tried to explore to
better recognize it when it speaks to us.
How Sexism Serves High-Demand Groups
We know that women, trained in passivity and silence, are accustomed to being ignored and
discounted, starting in elementary school when the teacher routinely, inadvertently calls on
John and Harry and overlooks Sally‟s hand (Sadker &Sadker, 1994). The now well-
documented, quiet socialization of women to second-class citizenship makes us especially
vulnerable to the dynamics of dominance and submission at the base of covert control.
Trained to be selfless and caring for others, women were perfect recruits for “second” and
“third” lines of work --work for others and for the school, the work that needed to be done
to keep the organization going. Women were more willing to work for little or nothing,
rewarded by the leader‟s attention, or some well-timed gift of jewelry, a book, or an airline
ticket. Is there a doubt that our education and socialization as women in this culture made
us more susceptible to the courtship (“This must be Prince Charming”), loss of autonomy
(surrender to a male god), and self-sacrifice associated with the group? On top of this, our
community was inherently sexist. Through his actions and teaching, it was clear that the
leader believed in the superiority of the men. He said men were a higher order than women,
that women were to men as children are to women. He explained away the strong women

Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 48
who stayed and worked for him by saying they were on their eighth out of nine lives, while
the men were only on their sixth or seventh. Hence, the women could take on more
responsibility, give more. One of the leader‟s highest compliments was to tell a woman that
she was becoming more like a man.
Dominance and Submission
The everyday exercise of dominance and submission is so integral to our culture that we
barely see it. Built on the foundational belief of a basic flaw in the submissive, usually the
woman, and the perfection or mastery of the dominant, usually the man, this inequality
justifies one person‟s dominance over another.
While the dynamics of dominance and submission affect both men and women, they hit
women particularly hard, for more often women tend to be on the submission side of the
equation. As much as people talk about both parties being hurt by abusive relationships, the
one who is forced to submit feels the immediate pain of humiliation, self-doubt, craziness,
rage, and fear. For the perpetrator, the longer term effects of dominating --hardness, lack
of empathy, isolation, a narrow self-centeredness, close-mindedness, and illusions of
grandeur --develop only gradually. The immediate experience for the one in control is that
of power, strength, and self-confidence thus, exercising power over others gives immediate
satisfaction. In this dynamic, the humiliation of the submissive brings the sense of life-
enhancement to the dominator. While the addiction metaphor may be overused, in the short
run, abusive control brings --not unlike an addictive drug --a hit of reinforcing pleasure,
while only the longer term need to withdraw from the habit brings the pain. Why then
should the person living psychologically on control give up the high?
On the other hand, why doesn‟t the one on the receiving end of abusive control get away
from her tormenter? This is the question, of course, that most interests us. This same
question comes up repeatedly in reference to battered women. Why don‟t they just leave?
Thoughtful answers lead us into the thorny territory of the fearful, autocratic mind, a mind
that is cultivated through Western education, the media, religion, and the patriarchal family.
Though we pride ourselves on producing free thinkers, our cultural institutions forge
invisible chains between the sexes made of images of male glory (Rambo) and female
invisibleness (Sleeping Beauty) or subservience (Snow White), which lead too easily to both
psychological and physical violence.3
The Lesser Sex
Subtly imbued with sex-role stereotypes and gender inequities from an early age, women
are subjected to systematic training to be second best, taught that their worth and survival
depend on physical attractiveness and pleasing men. (Think of the myths alone that our
children hear: Cinderella, Rapunzel, Rose Red, The Little Mermaid, to name just a few,
where the passive, beautiful heroine in distress is rescued by her prince). Women are raised
to be susceptible to dominant men, to expect to be saved by men, and to project their own
power and image of God onto men. Men, meanwhile, are vaunted in history, myth, and
science as natural leaders, thinkers, competitors, and creators. And they are socialized to be
oblivious to the abuse they perpetrate through this culturally privileged position and the
unconscious dominance and denigration of women (and the “feminine” in themselves) that
it inculcates.
Let us face, at last, the implications of this worldview, let us face them head-on. In the
Western intellectual tradition, woman is viewed as less than man. This view is supported by
science through the hierarchical ordering of biology by religion through the creation myths
and by a philosophy that since Socrates has contrasted the objective, rational mind of the
masculine with the subjective, feeling body of the female. (Both female and body are
posited therein as an impediment to knowledge). These prejudices are woven so deeply into