Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 47
were regarded as remnants of a contemptible quality to conquer in oneself, leftover from
our upbringing. Thus we learned to ignore our best wisdom, our inner guidance. Conscience
was to be replaced by a sort of moral relativism, that is, good and evil were relative and
the more developed a being (read the leader), the fewer constraints or “laws” bound him.
Again we are downplaying incidents that might appear sensational to try to underline how
subtle even this final stage of captivity can be. Years can go by, even for those of us who
lived outside the community retreat or communal house, before we realize we are living
someone else‟s life. A quiet despair often sets in. (More than one advanced follower was
taking anti-depressants prescribed by one of the many faithful group member psychiatrists.)
Interestingly, the leader accounted for despair, which began to be prevalent in his long-
term members, by describing it as a necessary stage for the advanced aspirant to endure, a
sign of the final stages of awakening. Because there is no physical violence, no blatant
tortures, even the most broken personality can carry on as though nothing has happened.
Some even become more self-confident through a deepened dependency on the leader,
mistaking the power we have given him for our own.
This can be a critical time for the leader. If the despair and apathy of identity diffusion set in
too deeply, the captive will no longer be as useful to the perpetrator. He must tread lightly
through the dismantling, leaving enough self-sense for the person to carry on as treasurer,
center director, business manager, or chef. Yet, too much self-sense means independent
thought survives, and the person may leave. Ah, the trials and tribulations of guruship.
From our experience, the leader mercilessly took advantage of these periods of personality
breaks to exploit us to his advantage until we each, in our own way, burned out. For,
eventually such a broken personality finds it difficult to maintain the heavy load of
responsibility expected of longer term members. You drift away from leadership even
though you stay in the group. Hence, the group always needs new recruits to continue the
work, even if the long-time members don‟t actually leave.
The combination of fear induction, extensive control, and the dismantling of personality
created an imperceptible, crazy-making atmosphere. We were locked into a “battered
follower” syndrome, psychologically beaten down, yet unable to leave. The more he would
charmingly hurt, humiliate, and threaten us with abandonment in the name of helping us,
the more we would salve the wounds with increased loyalty, justification of his behavior,
and finding fault with ourselves. In such a situation, we drift further and further from the
voice of our own hearts. For women, this voice has a unique sound we‟ve tried to explore to
better recognize it when it speaks to us.
How Sexism Serves High-Demand Groups
We know that women, trained in passivity and silence, are accustomed to being ignored and
discounted, starting in elementary school when the teacher routinely, inadvertently calls on
John and Harry and overlooks Sally‟s hand (Sadker &Sadker, 1994). The now well-
documented, quiet socialization of women to second-class citizenship makes us especially
vulnerable to the dynamics of dominance and submission at the base of covert control.
Trained to be selfless and caring for others, women were perfect recruits for “second” and
“third” lines of work --work for others and for the school, the work that needed to be done
to keep the organization going. Women were more willing to work for little or nothing,
rewarded by the leader‟s attention, or some well-timed gift of jewelry, a book, or an airline
ticket. Is there a doubt that our education and socialization as women in this culture made
us more susceptible to the courtship (“This must be Prince Charming”), loss of autonomy
(surrender to a male god), and self-sacrifice associated with the group? On top of this, our
community was inherently sexist. Through his actions and teaching, it was clear that the
leader believed in the superiority of the men. He said men were a higher order than women,
that women were to men as children are to women. He explained away the strong women
were regarded as remnants of a contemptible quality to conquer in oneself, leftover from
our upbringing. Thus we learned to ignore our best wisdom, our inner guidance. Conscience
was to be replaced by a sort of moral relativism, that is, good and evil were relative and
the more developed a being (read the leader), the fewer constraints or “laws” bound him.
Again we are downplaying incidents that might appear sensational to try to underline how
subtle even this final stage of captivity can be. Years can go by, even for those of us who
lived outside the community retreat or communal house, before we realize we are living
someone else‟s life. A quiet despair often sets in. (More than one advanced follower was
taking anti-depressants prescribed by one of the many faithful group member psychiatrists.)
Interestingly, the leader accounted for despair, which began to be prevalent in his long-
term members, by describing it as a necessary stage for the advanced aspirant to endure, a
sign of the final stages of awakening. Because there is no physical violence, no blatant
tortures, even the most broken personality can carry on as though nothing has happened.
Some even become more self-confident through a deepened dependency on the leader,
mistaking the power we have given him for our own.
This can be a critical time for the leader. If the despair and apathy of identity diffusion set in
too deeply, the captive will no longer be as useful to the perpetrator. He must tread lightly
through the dismantling, leaving enough self-sense for the person to carry on as treasurer,
center director, business manager, or chef. Yet, too much self-sense means independent
thought survives, and the person may leave. Ah, the trials and tribulations of guruship.
From our experience, the leader mercilessly took advantage of these periods of personality
breaks to exploit us to his advantage until we each, in our own way, burned out. For,
eventually such a broken personality finds it difficult to maintain the heavy load of
responsibility expected of longer term members. You drift away from leadership even
though you stay in the group. Hence, the group always needs new recruits to continue the
work, even if the long-time members don‟t actually leave.
The combination of fear induction, extensive control, and the dismantling of personality
created an imperceptible, crazy-making atmosphere. We were locked into a “battered
follower” syndrome, psychologically beaten down, yet unable to leave. The more he would
charmingly hurt, humiliate, and threaten us with abandonment in the name of helping us,
the more we would salve the wounds with increased loyalty, justification of his behavior,
and finding fault with ourselves. In such a situation, we drift further and further from the
voice of our own hearts. For women, this voice has a unique sound we‟ve tried to explore to
better recognize it when it speaks to us.
How Sexism Serves High-Demand Groups
We know that women, trained in passivity and silence, are accustomed to being ignored and
discounted, starting in elementary school when the teacher routinely, inadvertently calls on
John and Harry and overlooks Sally‟s hand (Sadker &Sadker, 1994). The now well-
documented, quiet socialization of women to second-class citizenship makes us especially
vulnerable to the dynamics of dominance and submission at the base of covert control.
Trained to be selfless and caring for others, women were perfect recruits for “second” and
“third” lines of work --work for others and for the school, the work that needed to be done
to keep the organization going. Women were more willing to work for little or nothing,
rewarded by the leader‟s attention, or some well-timed gift of jewelry, a book, or an airline
ticket. Is there a doubt that our education and socialization as women in this culture made
us more susceptible to the courtship (“This must be Prince Charming”), loss of autonomy
(surrender to a male god), and self-sacrifice associated with the group? On top of this, our
community was inherently sexist. Through his actions and teaching, it was clear that the
leader believed in the superiority of the men. He said men were a higher order than women,
that women were to men as children are to women. He explained away the strong women
