Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 23
missed the leader‟s attention. She still saw him as a powerful man who had recognized
her own value and power.
The self psychologists and infant researchers have taught us over the past two decades that
children need to have their actions and attributes mirrored in order to experience them as
their own. When a child takes her first steps, her parents‟ exclamations of praise and
mirroring “ohs” and “ahs” are what lead the child to feel a sense of ownership. Without
mirroring feedback, people are unable to own, or know, their own characteristics.
In our culture, boys and men are highly recognized for their activity, agency, and impact in
the world. On the other hand, girls in our culture are often valued as being adorable, sweet,
and the objects of desire, not agents of desire. Because they have to separate from their
primary love object, mother, boys tend to feel more needful and anxious about their
relationships to females than to males. Thus, fathers tend to feel more comfortable
identifying and acknowledging their sons and other boys. According to Jessica Benjamin
(1988), in The Bonds of Love, girls are then left with the ungratified wish to be seen and
recognized by their active, independent fathers. Girls and women become depressed and
envious, and they look to possess men rather than to experience power and desire
themselves. Benjamin writes:
We know that many girls are left with a lifelong admiration for individuals who get
away with their sense of omnipotence intact and they express their admiration in
relationships of overt or unconscious submission. They grow to idealize the man
who has what they can never possess --“power and desire.” (p. 109)
Historically, the way that many women have enacted this dynamic dilemma has been to find
men they admire and to make efforts to gain status by association (marriage) and to feel
recognized by serving men and receiving their praise. As contemporary, educated women
have been influenced by the feminist movement, they have acquired ambivalent feelings
about gaining strength through romantic union. My hypothesis is that because they are
attracted to the appearance of the benevolent power of the leader, many woman are
unconsciously drawn to cults. Women want to get close to and please the leaders of their
group so that they (the women) can feel some of the strength the leader appears to have.
This is something that cults directly advertise --for example, “If you join our group you will
be one of the saved,” or “You will be part of the answer,” or “You will become fully realized.”
In essence, the message is: You will be special if you join our group and you will have a
powerful impact on the world I (we) have the power to recognize you as such.
The Interpersonal Processes that Keeps Women in Cults
The following example will highlight the dynamics that are operant in keeping women bound
to destructive cultic groups once they become members enmeshed in the processes and the
logic of the leader.
“Cara” was invited to a group meeting by her psychotherapist whom she had been
seeing for 8 weeks. This was Cara‟s first time in therapy and she was unaware that this
was not standard practice. The therapist, “Paul,” described the meeting as a gathering
of very special people brought together to talk about social and political issues. Cara
attended and was surprised to find that Paul was running the meeting and appeared to
be the leader of this group. Paul was a charismatic speaker, and Cara was mesmerized
by his talk. She saw that all the people in the audience wore radiant smiles and laughed
at all of Paul‟s jokes. Paul talked about how the group would influence social and
political policy, and how the group was promoting equality for all. Cara was impressed
with how cooperatively the group worked to set up and serve dinner for themselves and
the newcomers.
missed the leader‟s attention. She still saw him as a powerful man who had recognized
her own value and power.
The self psychologists and infant researchers have taught us over the past two decades that
children need to have their actions and attributes mirrored in order to experience them as
their own. When a child takes her first steps, her parents‟ exclamations of praise and
mirroring “ohs” and “ahs” are what lead the child to feel a sense of ownership. Without
mirroring feedback, people are unable to own, or know, their own characteristics.
In our culture, boys and men are highly recognized for their activity, agency, and impact in
the world. On the other hand, girls in our culture are often valued as being adorable, sweet,
and the objects of desire, not agents of desire. Because they have to separate from their
primary love object, mother, boys tend to feel more needful and anxious about their
relationships to females than to males. Thus, fathers tend to feel more comfortable
identifying and acknowledging their sons and other boys. According to Jessica Benjamin
(1988), in The Bonds of Love, girls are then left with the ungratified wish to be seen and
recognized by their active, independent fathers. Girls and women become depressed and
envious, and they look to possess men rather than to experience power and desire
themselves. Benjamin writes:
We know that many girls are left with a lifelong admiration for individuals who get
away with their sense of omnipotence intact and they express their admiration in
relationships of overt or unconscious submission. They grow to idealize the man
who has what they can never possess --“power and desire.” (p. 109)
Historically, the way that many women have enacted this dynamic dilemma has been to find
men they admire and to make efforts to gain status by association (marriage) and to feel
recognized by serving men and receiving their praise. As contemporary, educated women
have been influenced by the feminist movement, they have acquired ambivalent feelings
about gaining strength through romantic union. My hypothesis is that because they are
attracted to the appearance of the benevolent power of the leader, many woman are
unconsciously drawn to cults. Women want to get close to and please the leaders of their
group so that they (the women) can feel some of the strength the leader appears to have.
This is something that cults directly advertise --for example, “If you join our group you will
be one of the saved,” or “You will be part of the answer,” or “You will become fully realized.”
In essence, the message is: You will be special if you join our group and you will have a
powerful impact on the world I (we) have the power to recognize you as such.
The Interpersonal Processes that Keeps Women in Cults
The following example will highlight the dynamics that are operant in keeping women bound
to destructive cultic groups once they become members enmeshed in the processes and the
logic of the leader.
“Cara” was invited to a group meeting by her psychotherapist whom she had been
seeing for 8 weeks. This was Cara‟s first time in therapy and she was unaware that this
was not standard practice. The therapist, “Paul,” described the meeting as a gathering
of very special people brought together to talk about social and political issues. Cara
attended and was surprised to find that Paul was running the meeting and appeared to
be the leader of this group. Paul was a charismatic speaker, and Cara was mesmerized
by his talk. She saw that all the people in the audience wore radiant smiles and laughed
at all of Paul‟s jokes. Paul talked about how the group would influence social and
political policy, and how the group was promoting equality for all. Cara was impressed
with how cooperatively the group worked to set up and serve dinner for themselves and
the newcomers.
