Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 49
the fabric of our perceptions, our thinking and our sense of self, that we take them
completely for granted.4 As we discuss how coercive control relies on dominance and
submission, we will see how easily this view of woman as an inferior being plays into
authoritarian environments.
“Feminine” Sources of Knowledge and Power
Women‟s unique sources of power and creativity have been maligned and denigrated over
the centuries. Our closeness to the rhythms of nature through sexuality and the
reproductive potential of our bodies have been turned against us, cited as an excuse for our
absence from the spheres of cultural achievement long dominated by men. In our group the
denigration of the emotions and the common perception of the body as a major block to
enlightened behavior played roles of paramount importance. The body and sexuality, anger
and intuition were especially controlled and devalued, effectively silencing the voice that
emerges when we have full access to these aspects of ourselves.
Sexuality and the body. Being present to each moment was the ostensible raison d’être of
the community. Unfortunately, presence, as we learned it, included but minimal attention to
the body. Rather, we learned mainly a mental operation born of “divided attention.” Divided
attention, or non-identification, was the heart of the practices that sustained and united the
community. This practice produced evocative altered states, but also often effected a split
from the body. This dissociative split encouraged us to believe that we were conquering our
pain, suffering, and difficult emotions by passing into more exalted states of consciousness.
In fact, we systematically numbed ourselves to body sensations by this practice. Most of us
adhered to typically Judeo-Christian attitudes about bodily impulses as enemies to be
conquered in the quest for enlightenment thus, we isolated ourselves from those instinctual
sources integral to the embodied, awakened heart and mind. We believe this may be
especially true for women in whom body and mind connections are stronger because of our
predominant role in bringing in the next generation.
As usual in such groups, myriad exercises surrounded sexuality. As mentioned earlier, sex
outside marriage was prohibited. Though not everyone complied, marriage was strongly
recommended for those in the “inner circle” others might pursue clandestine escapades but
were always subject to being turned in. Homosexuality was forbidden until recently. Women
were often viewed as sexual predators whose activity had to be monitored. Dowdy richness
--Victorian cameos, Gucci scarves, little stacked heels, midcalf straight skirts --was the
preferred norm for years, a 50-year-old matronly look was rewarded and encouraged.
Meanwhile, charges of the misuse of sex were leveled at those who wore short dresses,
tight blouses, laughed too loudly, or flirted.
It gradually came out that the leader was involved in an ongoing series of sexual encounters
with young male devotees. Amazingly, in this highly controlled environment, it was
exceedingly difficult for this information to be taken in. Let us remember that coercive
control includes thought control. The implications of the leader‟s involvement with his
followers were simply not permitted to take hold in the minds of those of us who were
captive to his worldview. Those outside a group always want to know: how did we manage
this? Some excused it by saying the leader was still evolving, that sex was the last obstacle
that he was working out through these loving relations with his followers.
More importantly, in certain states of consciousness, which we had learned to create in
ourselves through various meditative practices, it is possible to experience the three-
dimensional world of everyday reality as unreal, as maya, an illusion, or “a play.” In these
states of mind, the dreamlike quality of everyday life becomes apparent. Along with these
perceptions comes the sense of a certain delightful connectedness to everything, sometimes
an infusion of love or beauty or sweetness accompanies these prayerful states of mind. We
do not believe these states of mind are so different from the results of contemplative

Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 50
prayer, but without a genuine opening of the heart and body, these partial openings to
other dimensions of consciousness can lead to dangerous delusions, especially in an
environment of moral relativity. Not inherently destructive, these states of mind constitute
an essential part of our humanity, but they can be misused terribly in such conditions of
psychological captivity when our capacities for independent thought have been crippled or
dismantled. Unfortunately, because of their misuse in the group we tend now to distrust our
connection to these prayerful spaces even though we are out of the grip of the group.
In such a state of mind, the leader‟s sexual activities were “dreamstuff,” not real. The
emotion and shock that came with discovering his sexual involvement with many of his
followers led first to denial, then gradually to reverting to these altered states of mind to
deal with the doubts. As for those who were not able to handle the doubts, we assumed
they had failed this particular “test” of the strength of their vision.
Anger. Western culture teaches repression of anger as a virtue for all, but as an imperative
for women, unless they care to be categorized as difficult bitches. Women are taught from
early days to be nice, to adapt to others‟ needs, and to stifle their own anger. In the best of
circumstances, it takes a long time to come to know anger as a legitimate bodily signal, a
safeguard against hurt, boundary violation, and disregard of what we value. Once the
functioning of this critical signal has been stifled, its radar effectively dismantled, the
woman (or man) is vulnerable to being used and abused without even registering what has
happened. Instead, a dull sense of flatness, a depression, chronic fatigue or hypoglycemia,
rigidness or fear sets in --all more adaptable, and acceptable, forms of the surging animal
rage response to mistreatment. These veiled reactions won‟t provoke the perpetrator to
inflict even greater harm.
Anger was well regulated in our group, perhaps even more than sexuality. Not expressing
negative emotions (mainly by suppression) and non-identification (for us, a form of splitting
from the body) formed the two pillars of the prevailing system of thought. To be told you
were negative was the ultimate behavior control, disguised as helping you to work on
yourself. This ploy could be used to prevent certain conversations and to stifle questions,
doubts, concerns --or simply to put you in your place, to get a power hit. If you allowed
yourself to get upset, that was a sure sign you were not advancing satisfactorily. A placid
stoicism became the acceptable modus operandi. Outrage at abortions recommended,
children deserted, triangles condoned, the terminally ill threatened for late payments,
insinuations that a member dying of AIDS got what he deserved (for violating the no sex
task), the celibate guru unmasked as sexually active, the money spent on the paramours,
the snubs, the evasions, the control --the legitimate outrage at all of that behavior was
successfully stifled by the central idea that negative emotion implies weakness.
Meanwhile, few noticed that anger was virtually the only negative emotion that was being
controlled. Other clearly negative feelings, such as fear, disappointment, and sadness, were
tolerated, as were most forms of passive aggression (lateness, condescension, ignoring,
forgetting). Passive aggression was raised to a high art it was, in fact, a major tool in the
arsenal of covert, crazy-making control devices that played on the self-doubt instilled
through the many assaults on identity. As we look back, it seems so obvious that all these
violations against human dignity were going on in the name of work on ourselves. We were
having normal, healthy reactions to them yet, gradually, we learned to doubt and discount
those reactions as pathological indications of a lower state of consciousness until we no
longer had a reliable inner monitor to guide us. Having given up our own capacity for
thought, we became more and more dependent on the worldview of the leader to determine
our outlook.
We also had a wealth of teaching stories from the patriarchal traditions of the world to draw
on for explanation of the silencing of our own perceptions. We read or heard stories such as