Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 32
whatever) becomes synonymous with obeying the leader. To go against the leader‟s
directive is to go against God himself. The mother becomes psychologically trapped: she
wants to be a good person, but the definition of goodness resides entirely in the cult‟s
domain. And any attempt to define goodness for herself ensures swift condemnation and an
attack on her “faith.” This double bind often results in an almost unbearable tension.
An internal struggle takes place within the mother when asked to do something that her
noncult persona identifies as wrong. Anne discussed the incident where the cult leader took
her money for a phony adoption: “I was very uncomfortable when I gave him the money --
I felt that he was insincere. But then, I also thought that he was a true proletarian and
anything he did was good for my development. He just wouldn‟t do anything unprincipled.
He was this great political leader --and everything around me was reinforcing that belief.”
Or Jill talking about her reaction when her leader took her baby away: “I thought, „I don‟t
want to do this, but I will if that‟s what‟s best, if that‟s God‟s will.‟ The leader took the place
of God, so I thought he‟d only do what was best. To me, I needed Chrissie, but he said
otherwise.”
The mother may also go against her noncult self out of fear of the leader‟s or the group‟s
response. Helen describes an incident: “Once when my twins were less than a year old and
they were holding onto the hem of my skirt --it was in front of a whole group of people --
Brother told me over and over to kick them away, and first I just wiggled, but he insisted
that I kick them away and so, finally, I did. Even though it violated my sense of Mother, of
Human Being, of the notion of loving the Lord.”
Again, Clara describes the pressure:
If I had paid attention to all those occasions when everything inside of me said,
“No, this isn‟t right,” I couldn‟t have stayed there. If I had ...said, “I will not go
along with this,” first of all, it would have taken a kind of strength I don‟t know I
had at the time because everyone in the room [would be saying] “Clara, you want
to have dinner with your son? You‟re so selfish ...” I would have had to be willing
to stand there and have everyone in the room say “No.” (Deikman, 1990, p. 20)
Even though the mother may resist, eventually she must give in or leave the group. In
some cases, giving in results in a feeling of relief. Clara recounts:
I remember at one point saying, “I‟ll do it,” and everything got quiet around me
and the noise in my head stopped and I thought, “God, maybe that is right....” And
inside me I thought the quiet or sense of rightness means I‟m doing the right
thing. (Deikman, 1990, pp. 22-23)
The conflict of struggling against the cult can be so intense that giving in feels like a
resolution. This feeling is analogous to that of a battered woman: “In these relationships the
painful feelings of confusion, anxiety, and guilt that the victimized woman is led to feel are
all relieved when she simply “„gives in‟ and does what she is told. If she agrees ...she is, at
least briefly, „loved‟ by him. If not, she continues to be degraded, devalued, and maligned”
(Boulette &Anderson, 1986, p. 27).
What is particularly damaging in this process of giving in is the sense of positive feedback
from within yourself. It‟s as though you come to believe in the “rightness” of the decision
because of the relief that comes from resolving the conflict and removing the intense
pressure. At this point you can truly no longer trust your own feelings because those
feelings have, in a sense, been captured and turned against you. You have walked through
the looking-glass and can no longer trust your own innate sensations.
The mothers described those times when they made critical decisions involving their
children: Mary told how she thought “it was for the best” that she not see her children for 5
whatever) becomes synonymous with obeying the leader. To go against the leader‟s
directive is to go against God himself. The mother becomes psychologically trapped: she
wants to be a good person, but the definition of goodness resides entirely in the cult‟s
domain. And any attempt to define goodness for herself ensures swift condemnation and an
attack on her “faith.” This double bind often results in an almost unbearable tension.
An internal struggle takes place within the mother when asked to do something that her
noncult persona identifies as wrong. Anne discussed the incident where the cult leader took
her money for a phony adoption: “I was very uncomfortable when I gave him the money --
I felt that he was insincere. But then, I also thought that he was a true proletarian and
anything he did was good for my development. He just wouldn‟t do anything unprincipled.
He was this great political leader --and everything around me was reinforcing that belief.”
Or Jill talking about her reaction when her leader took her baby away: “I thought, „I don‟t
want to do this, but I will if that‟s what‟s best, if that‟s God‟s will.‟ The leader took the place
of God, so I thought he‟d only do what was best. To me, I needed Chrissie, but he said
otherwise.”
The mother may also go against her noncult self out of fear of the leader‟s or the group‟s
response. Helen describes an incident: “Once when my twins were less than a year old and
they were holding onto the hem of my skirt --it was in front of a whole group of people --
Brother told me over and over to kick them away, and first I just wiggled, but he insisted
that I kick them away and so, finally, I did. Even though it violated my sense of Mother, of
Human Being, of the notion of loving the Lord.”
Again, Clara describes the pressure:
If I had paid attention to all those occasions when everything inside of me said,
“No, this isn‟t right,” I couldn‟t have stayed there. If I had ...said, “I will not go
along with this,” first of all, it would have taken a kind of strength I don‟t know I
had at the time because everyone in the room [would be saying] “Clara, you want
to have dinner with your son? You‟re so selfish ...” I would have had to be willing
to stand there and have everyone in the room say “No.” (Deikman, 1990, p. 20)
Even though the mother may resist, eventually she must give in or leave the group. In
some cases, giving in results in a feeling of relief. Clara recounts:
I remember at one point saying, “I‟ll do it,” and everything got quiet around me
and the noise in my head stopped and I thought, “God, maybe that is right....” And
inside me I thought the quiet or sense of rightness means I‟m doing the right
thing. (Deikman, 1990, pp. 22-23)
The conflict of struggling against the cult can be so intense that giving in feels like a
resolution. This feeling is analogous to that of a battered woman: “In these relationships the
painful feelings of confusion, anxiety, and guilt that the victimized woman is led to feel are
all relieved when she simply “„gives in‟ and does what she is told. If she agrees ...she is, at
least briefly, „loved‟ by him. If not, she continues to be degraded, devalued, and maligned”
(Boulette &Anderson, 1986, p. 27).
What is particularly damaging in this process of giving in is the sense of positive feedback
from within yourself. It‟s as though you come to believe in the “rightness” of the decision
because of the relief that comes from resolving the conflict and removing the intense
pressure. At this point you can truly no longer trust your own feelings because those
feelings have, in a sense, been captured and turned against you. You have walked through
the looking-glass and can no longer trust your own innate sensations.
The mothers described those times when they made critical decisions involving their
children: Mary told how she thought “it was for the best” that she not see her children for 5
