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begin to be expected to, and act as if they wish to, manage more on their own. There is less
opportunity for sex play, name calling, physical violence.
Women are not aware of the structure of cultic groups when they are recruited however, at
the first “meeting,” “bible study,” or “course,” they are immediately exposed to the group‟s
habits, routines, and culture. Given that our society‟s social rules are shifting and confusing,
and that gender biases affect every aspect of life, it makes sense that women would be
comforted when they find that a group they have been drawn to is structured like early
school. Group meetings are organized, members are task oriented, and there is always a
leader or elder present in the role of judge (much like a teacher), to tell a member if she is
“doing it right.” If the last place girls do well and feel relatively safe is in elementary school,
then it is a comfort to return to a disciplined, regimented environment.
“Cathy,” at 25, had spent 4 years in a bible study group when she came to see me for
psychotherapy. She had grown up in a large, intact Catholic family. Cathy reported
feeling that “everything was okay until the end of junior high school,” when in contrast
to her outstanding academic success in grammar school, she began to get poor grades.
Her parents were confused about her sudden academic turnabout and reacted by being
punishing and critical. Cathy remembers being preoccupied with thoughts about boys in
her class. She was confused about how to relate to them, and overwhelmed with her
sexual feelings. She saw herself as unappealing and incompetent whenever she was in
the presence of boys.
During her sophomore year of college, while at a mall near her home one day, Cathy
met recruiters from a neo-Christian cult. She was immediately drawn to the group‟s
supposed community work with indigents. During the course of therapy, Cathy
remembered the sense of peace and safety she had felt when she first entered the
group. She was able to articulate to herself and to me that she had liked that the men
and women lived relatively separate lives in the group. They were housed in different
buildings, had separate bible study classes, and were not allowed to date. She had
strong romantic feelings toward two of the men in the group, but had virtually no
contact with them. Cathy said that this was one of the most productive times of her life.
She spent her days recruiting on college campuses and counseling other women in their
bible studies. She was able to work long hours without being distracted by her thoughts
about men and romance. The group leader demanded that members have no romantic
contact until marriage and although there seemed to be no realistic way to meet a
man and marry, Cathy believed the leader‟s promise that in time all the good women in
the group would be married. During her years in the cult, Cathy did not worry about her
feelings of inadequacy with men. She felt safe, spent her days working communally
with the other women, and lived for many years with the “knowledge” that if she
followed the group‟s structure she would someday marry.
This is a prime example of using latency-age cognition and defenses to cope with the more
complex, frightening world of romantic intimacy. Cathy wanted to marry and have a family,
but she was confused and frightened about how to accomplish this. She felt uncomfortable
and insecure when she was with men. She relied on what worked last for her: follow the
teacher‟s instructions and you will succeed.
Identificatory Love
“Marcia” joined a mass therapy cult when she was 35. She came to see me 3 years
later, soon after leaving the group. We discussed the many ways that the group
experience had been destructive to her. She was now in a satisfying job and had a
supportive group of friends. She repeatedly expressed frustration about the men (as
well as powerful women, e.g., employers) in her life because they did not praise her.
Although she was glad to be out of the group, she began to realize that she deeply

Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 14, No. 1, 1997, page 23
missed the leader‟s attention. She still saw him as a powerful man who had recognized
her own value and power.
The self psychologists and infant researchers have taught us over the past two decades that
children need to have their actions and attributes mirrored in order to experience them as
their own. When a child takes her first steps, her parents‟ exclamations of praise and
mirroring “ohs” and “ahs” are what lead the child to feel a sense of ownership. Without
mirroring feedback, people are unable to own, or know, their own characteristics.
In our culture, boys and men are highly recognized for their activity, agency, and impact in
the world. On the other hand, girls in our culture are often valued as being adorable, sweet,
and the objects of desire, not agents of desire. Because they have to separate from their
primary love object, mother, boys tend to feel more needful and anxious about their
relationships to females than to males. Thus, fathers tend to feel more comfortable
identifying and acknowledging their sons and other boys. According to Jessica Benjamin
(1988), in The Bonds of Love, girls are then left with the ungratified wish to be seen and
recognized by their active, independent fathers. Girls and women become depressed and
envious, and they look to possess men rather than to experience power and desire
themselves. Benjamin writes:
We know that many girls are left with a lifelong admiration for individuals who get
away with their sense of omnipotence intact and they express their admiration in
relationships of overt or unconscious submission. They grow to idealize the man
who has what they can never possess --“power and desire.” (p. 109)
Historically, the way that many women have enacted this dynamic dilemma has been to find
men they admire and to make efforts to gain status by association (marriage) and to feel
recognized by serving men and receiving their praise. As contemporary, educated women
have been influenced by the feminist movement, they have acquired ambivalent feelings
about gaining strength through romantic union. My hypothesis is that because they are
attracted to the appearance of the benevolent power of the leader, many woman are
unconsciously drawn to cults. Women want to get close to and please the leaders of their
group so that they (the women) can feel some of the strength the leader appears to have.
This is something that cults directly advertise --for example, “If you join our group you will
be one of the saved,” or “You will be part of the answer,” or “You will become fully realized.”
In essence, the message is: You will be special if you join our group and you will have a
powerful impact on the world I (we) have the power to recognize you as such.
The Interpersonal Processes that Keeps Women in Cults
The following example will highlight the dynamics that are operant in keeping women bound
to destructive cultic groups once they become members enmeshed in the processes and the
logic of the leader.
“Cara” was invited to a group meeting by her psychotherapist whom she had been
seeing for 8 weeks. This was Cara‟s first time in therapy and she was unaware that this
was not standard practice. The therapist, “Paul,” described the meeting as a gathering
of very special people brought together to talk about social and political issues. Cara
attended and was surprised to find that Paul was running the meeting and appeared to
be the leader of this group. Paul was a charismatic speaker, and Cara was mesmerized
by his talk. She saw that all the people in the audience wore radiant smiles and laughed
at all of Paul‟s jokes. Paul talked about how the group would influence social and
political policy, and how the group was promoting equality for all. Cara was impressed
with how cooperatively the group worked to set up and serve dinner for themselves and
the newcomers.