Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 6, No. 2, 1989, Page 66
begun to compartmentalize and disown his Krishna recent past. Would this defensive
posture facilitate or impede the process of eventual integration? Ken then offered to give
Curt some of his personal papers, but Curt refused, instead recommending that Ken keep
them so that he could refer to them in the future to gain further insight into his thinking
while a devotee. Ken insisted, however, and they compromised. Ken would keep the papers
and give Xerox copies to Curt. Ken then read more from his journal. Everyone focused on
Ken with great interest in his writing, Ken expressed some of his doubts, but the intense
guilt he felt was very evident and all his doubts were ascribed to maya. He repeatedly
begged for purification, and reported feeling better after being purified by his guru. Nothing,
however, seemed to help absolve Ken's considerable guilt over his occasional “lusty”
thoughts and sexual impulses.
Ken continued to read from his journal, reviewing his thinking of just a few days ago. He
occasionally stopped to comment on his thinking to Curt and Sandy. Some of his doubts
were years old. Nobody commented on this, but I was struck by how Ken could have had
such strong doubts and remained in the movement for so long. After about 20 minutes, Curt
asked Ken to wait until Dara came before reading the rest. Curt then asked Ken when he
wanted to go to Iowa (for rehab). Ken replied either Saturday or Sunday. He was hesitant,
however, because “there is so much I want to go over [here] and I don't want to [leave
prematurely.] Curt explained that the deprogramming situation was a sheltered one and
they did not want him to get too caught up in it. It would soon be time to move on, even
though Ken might be a little shaky. If Ken was not ready by Sunday, they would wait.
Rather than return to the tape with the Maury Povich show on it, Curt then decided to
switch to a different videotape, a documentary entitled “Thy Will Be Done,” that focused on
the Jonestown People's Temple massacre in particular and cults in general.
The Third Day: Evening
Video marathon. The third day of the deprogramming turned into a video marathon.
Following “Thy Will Be Done,” the deprogramming moved briefly back upstairs, then
returned to the den for “Ticket to Heaven,” an hour-and-a-half movie based on one ex-
member's experiences with the Unification Church. Ken and Sandy began talking about how
Unification Church indoctrination compared with ISKCON methods. I found it excruciatingly
difficult to remain silent and distant during both the movie and the discussion that followed,
as “Ticket to Heaven” came so close to describing exactly my own experiences as a
Unification Church trainee. By now I felt personally invested in Ken's renewed freedom and I
had difficulty containing my own excitement as an observer of this drama. When Ken finally
asked questions about my experiences, I answered him emotionally and at length.
Late evening. The discussion inspired by “Ticket to Heaven” was moved into the kitchen
when, shortly after 9:00 p.m., we were called for dinner.
Ken continued to eat somewhat spartanly, while his mother doted over him and encouraged
him to eat as much as he wanted from the array of vegetarian and nonvegetarian foods on
the table. As we ate, Ken continued to relate his personal experiences to those of the
characters in “Ticket to Heaven.” To me, he seemed to be expressing at least as many
differences as similarities. Dinner lasted 20 minutes. After dinner, we went back into the
den to watch more videotapes, beginning with the “Hairy Kishkahs,” a comic sendup of
ISKCON that appeared on the “Thicke of the Night late-night variety show. Ken only found
this to be moderately interesting. I did not think it was all that funny myself. At around
11:00 p.m., Sandy ran his copy of “The Wave,” a critically acclaimed anti-fascist
documentary I had heard about, but never viewed. I was genuinely excited about having
the opportunity to see this tape, which was based on a true story about a social studies
teacher who, as a lesson in “living history,” inspired a fascist youth movement called “the
Wave” in his high school. The students were easily caught up in the movement and in fact a
begun to compartmentalize and disown his Krishna recent past. Would this defensive
posture facilitate or impede the process of eventual integration? Ken then offered to give
Curt some of his personal papers, but Curt refused, instead recommending that Ken keep
them so that he could refer to them in the future to gain further insight into his thinking
while a devotee. Ken insisted, however, and they compromised. Ken would keep the papers
and give Xerox copies to Curt. Ken then read more from his journal. Everyone focused on
Ken with great interest in his writing, Ken expressed some of his doubts, but the intense
guilt he felt was very evident and all his doubts were ascribed to maya. He repeatedly
begged for purification, and reported feeling better after being purified by his guru. Nothing,
however, seemed to help absolve Ken's considerable guilt over his occasional “lusty”
thoughts and sexual impulses.
Ken continued to read from his journal, reviewing his thinking of just a few days ago. He
occasionally stopped to comment on his thinking to Curt and Sandy. Some of his doubts
were years old. Nobody commented on this, but I was struck by how Ken could have had
such strong doubts and remained in the movement for so long. After about 20 minutes, Curt
asked Ken to wait until Dara came before reading the rest. Curt then asked Ken when he
wanted to go to Iowa (for rehab). Ken replied either Saturday or Sunday. He was hesitant,
however, because “there is so much I want to go over [here] and I don't want to [leave
prematurely.] Curt explained that the deprogramming situation was a sheltered one and
they did not want him to get too caught up in it. It would soon be time to move on, even
though Ken might be a little shaky. If Ken was not ready by Sunday, they would wait.
Rather than return to the tape with the Maury Povich show on it, Curt then decided to
switch to a different videotape, a documentary entitled “Thy Will Be Done,” that focused on
the Jonestown People's Temple massacre in particular and cults in general.
The Third Day: Evening
Video marathon. The third day of the deprogramming turned into a video marathon.
Following “Thy Will Be Done,” the deprogramming moved briefly back upstairs, then
returned to the den for “Ticket to Heaven,” an hour-and-a-half movie based on one ex-
member's experiences with the Unification Church. Ken and Sandy began talking about how
Unification Church indoctrination compared with ISKCON methods. I found it excruciatingly
difficult to remain silent and distant during both the movie and the discussion that followed,
as “Ticket to Heaven” came so close to describing exactly my own experiences as a
Unification Church trainee. By now I felt personally invested in Ken's renewed freedom and I
had difficulty containing my own excitement as an observer of this drama. When Ken finally
asked questions about my experiences, I answered him emotionally and at length.
Late evening. The discussion inspired by “Ticket to Heaven” was moved into the kitchen
when, shortly after 9:00 p.m., we were called for dinner.
Ken continued to eat somewhat spartanly, while his mother doted over him and encouraged
him to eat as much as he wanted from the array of vegetarian and nonvegetarian foods on
the table. As we ate, Ken continued to relate his personal experiences to those of the
characters in “Ticket to Heaven.” To me, he seemed to be expressing at least as many
differences as similarities. Dinner lasted 20 minutes. After dinner, we went back into the
den to watch more videotapes, beginning with the “Hairy Kishkahs,” a comic sendup of
ISKCON that appeared on the “Thicke of the Night late-night variety show. Ken only found
this to be moderately interesting. I did not think it was all that funny myself. At around
11:00 p.m., Sandy ran his copy of “The Wave,” a critically acclaimed anti-fascist
documentary I had heard about, but never viewed. I was genuinely excited about having
the opportunity to see this tape, which was based on a true story about a social studies
teacher who, as a lesson in “living history,” inspired a fascist youth movement called “the
Wave” in his high school. The students were easily caught up in the movement and in fact a
