Cultic Studies Review, Vol. 2, No. 2, 2003, Page 87
I was exhausted and I got sick. I got bronchitis that I could not shake. (I am usually very
healthy and rarely get sick). I had to go through a series of steroids to improve. But, I was
working for God, so it would all be fine. Taking time for myself, even to rest was seen as
selfish and therefore sinful.
I recall doing studies with children of disciples. My girls were between the ages of 13 and
18. We would go through the standard progression The Word, Discipleship, and on. When
we got to the Sin Study we would go through their homework of writing down all of the sins
they had ever committed, from as far back as they could remember and discussing them.
Towards the end, I would ask them if they realized that what they had done had put Jesus
on the Cross. If they were not emotionally shaken, crying, ―broken‖, they didn‘t ―get it.‖
So their homework would be to go back through their sin study and their list and see if they
had Godly sorrow or ―earthly‖ sorrow. In other words, did they just feel sorry for
themselves, or for their sins. This was after we had created an urgency to be baptized from
the Discipleship study. Who was I, or any other leader, to determine a child‘s faith, and to
withhold salvation? I was leading as I had been taught, by imitating my leaders.
Seeing Shawn everyday was essential for work, but I found that I was less attracted to him.
I told Caroline that I still wanted to work with Shawn, but I was not interested in dating him
anymore. I thought he was sort of bossy. Well, that next week just prior to our staff
meeting, Kim Sapp called me and Caroline and Sandra into her office. She said, ―You are a
fool! Shawn is an awesome, righteous man. A leader in God‘s Kingdom. If I could arrange
this marriage, I would. You are a strong ministry team. You will continue to date him.‖ And
on and on, what was wrong with me, I was not putting God first. I was independent and not
submissive to God‘s plan. I left her office with red, puffy eyes, and had to face the entire
staff of about 40 people. Obviously, I had done something wrong. I felt that I had, too. I
did not question Kim‘s ―advice.‖
Along came February and I heard that my three best friends from college were getting
together in Winston-Salem. They couldn‘t get together without me, so I asked for a few
days off to go see them. I soon met up with my friends a Catholic, a Jew, and a Southern
Baptist. Our company was not as comfortable as usual, something was weighing over the
group. Finally I asked them, ―What do you think about what I am doing?‖ I had opened a
can of worms. They asked me about my sports med career, about dating, about all kinds of
stuff. They asked me, ―What if you wanted to date someone outside of the church?‖ I told
them that it was not done, and that if I wanted to, I would have to leave the church (I had
seen a friend do that). ―What does that mean?‖ It means that I am leaving God. ―What
does that mean?‖ It means that I am going to hell. ―So you are saying that if we are not
part of your church, we are going to hell?‖ Well, yes. ―So we are all going to hell?‖ Yes.
Now that was uncomfortable. We talked about all of the people that lived and died between
the first century church and 1979 when the ICC was formed. What happened to them? I
wasn‘t sure. I took that question back to Carolyn.
As soon as I returned to Atlanta, I called Carolyn very upset. I wanted to meet and talk. I
distinctly remember walking along the Chattahoochee River posing that question about the
people between the first century church and 1979 to Carolyn. She told me that there was a
―Remnant Theory‖ that there was always a remnant of true believers on earth, God‘s
Kingdom like the current ICC movement, who were saved, and in 1979 in Boston was when
they were called together. I asked her where that was written. She told me that it wasn‘t. I
told her to take me off of staff, because I could not teach the teens something that I did not
believe and that I could not read in the Bible. The fact was, there could have been true
believers who were not part of the ICC in the past, so couldn‘t there be now? No. The
Kingdom study proves that, go back through your studies. And that I did. I became the
―problem child.‖ I was put back in Dunwoody and had to go back through my studies with
Sandra, Marissa, Julie, Angela, and Ally. Every time I got to the Kingdom study I hit a wall.
I was exhausted and I got sick. I got bronchitis that I could not shake. (I am usually very
healthy and rarely get sick). I had to go through a series of steroids to improve. But, I was
working for God, so it would all be fine. Taking time for myself, even to rest was seen as
selfish and therefore sinful.
I recall doing studies with children of disciples. My girls were between the ages of 13 and
18. We would go through the standard progression The Word, Discipleship, and on. When
we got to the Sin Study we would go through their homework of writing down all of the sins
they had ever committed, from as far back as they could remember and discussing them.
Towards the end, I would ask them if they realized that what they had done had put Jesus
on the Cross. If they were not emotionally shaken, crying, ―broken‖, they didn‘t ―get it.‖
So their homework would be to go back through their sin study and their list and see if they
had Godly sorrow or ―earthly‖ sorrow. In other words, did they just feel sorry for
themselves, or for their sins. This was after we had created an urgency to be baptized from
the Discipleship study. Who was I, or any other leader, to determine a child‘s faith, and to
withhold salvation? I was leading as I had been taught, by imitating my leaders.
Seeing Shawn everyday was essential for work, but I found that I was less attracted to him.
I told Caroline that I still wanted to work with Shawn, but I was not interested in dating him
anymore. I thought he was sort of bossy. Well, that next week just prior to our staff
meeting, Kim Sapp called me and Caroline and Sandra into her office. She said, ―You are a
fool! Shawn is an awesome, righteous man. A leader in God‘s Kingdom. If I could arrange
this marriage, I would. You are a strong ministry team. You will continue to date him.‖ And
on and on, what was wrong with me, I was not putting God first. I was independent and not
submissive to God‘s plan. I left her office with red, puffy eyes, and had to face the entire
staff of about 40 people. Obviously, I had done something wrong. I felt that I had, too. I
did not question Kim‘s ―advice.‖
Along came February and I heard that my three best friends from college were getting
together in Winston-Salem. They couldn‘t get together without me, so I asked for a few
days off to go see them. I soon met up with my friends a Catholic, a Jew, and a Southern
Baptist. Our company was not as comfortable as usual, something was weighing over the
group. Finally I asked them, ―What do you think about what I am doing?‖ I had opened a
can of worms. They asked me about my sports med career, about dating, about all kinds of
stuff. They asked me, ―What if you wanted to date someone outside of the church?‖ I told
them that it was not done, and that if I wanted to, I would have to leave the church (I had
seen a friend do that). ―What does that mean?‖ It means that I am leaving God. ―What
does that mean?‖ It means that I am going to hell. ―So you are saying that if we are not
part of your church, we are going to hell?‖ Well, yes. ―So we are all going to hell?‖ Yes.
Now that was uncomfortable. We talked about all of the people that lived and died between
the first century church and 1979 when the ICC was formed. What happened to them? I
wasn‘t sure. I took that question back to Carolyn.
As soon as I returned to Atlanta, I called Carolyn very upset. I wanted to meet and talk. I
distinctly remember walking along the Chattahoochee River posing that question about the
people between the first century church and 1979 to Carolyn. She told me that there was a
―Remnant Theory‖ that there was always a remnant of true believers on earth, God‘s
Kingdom like the current ICC movement, who were saved, and in 1979 in Boston was when
they were called together. I asked her where that was written. She told me that it wasn‘t. I
told her to take me off of staff, because I could not teach the teens something that I did not
believe and that I could not read in the Bible. The fact was, there could have been true
believers who were not part of the ICC in the past, so couldn‘t there be now? No. The
Kingdom study proves that, go back through your studies. And that I did. I became the
―problem child.‖ I was put back in Dunwoody and had to go back through my studies with
Sandra, Marissa, Julie, Angela, and Ally. Every time I got to the Kingdom study I hit a wall.
