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Being in Atlanta, there were a lot more singles. Dating was interesting. It came with its
own set of unwritten ―rules‖—no single dates, always doubles or group dates, home by
midnight, don‘t sit in a parked car to talk, no hand-holding, and definitely no kissing. The
purpose was to encourage the brothers and get to know the other singles in Atlanta. If a
brother asked me out, it usually meant that he had already asked his discipler, who had
asked your discipler, if he could ask you out. So, it was expected that if a guy asks you out,
for a Friday or Saturday night, you would say yes. This didn‘t always happen, however.
Bill, for instance, was one of my good friends, but he was told that he couldn‘t ask me out
on a date, since he was not at my level he wasn‘t leadership material. Shawn led the
singles group in the West sector of Atlanta and friends had introduced us. He was an up-
and-coming leader who had played baseball in college. We got along well and soon began
dating every other week (the maximum if you like someone). I was going to a lot of
functions in the West and was meeting those people.
Marissa had been my discipler since I was officially switched to Dunwoody. One night she
told me that our women‘s sector leader, Ally, had informed her that Kim Sapp, the Women‘s
Ministry Leader for Atlanta, Steve Sapp‘s wife, wanted to meet with me. None of us knew
what it was about. I figured that I was in trouble for something. Ally and I went to Kim‘s
later that week and after a bit of chit-chat, Kim asked me if I would like to go on staff? I
was speechless. It is an honor to go on staff, and everyone talks about their ―Kingdom
Dream‖ of being a leader. I had never really considered it. I had only been in the church for
six months and was being asked to lead. Of course I said yes. I would be starting in the
New Year, leading the teens of Atlanta with Shawn. Sonny and Carolyn Sessions had been
leading them, along with several other sectors, and they felt that a younger approach might
work well. I would start being discipled by Carolyn, a middle aged mother of teens, to learn
the ropes. I would move in with Sandra who currently led the singles in the West with
Shawn, and Sherry, who worked in the church office. I was to plan on working with Shawn
daily to plan our ministry, and to meet all of the teen workers and learn from Sonny and
Carolyn.
My salary was adjusted to enable me to pay for the area I was living in, my costs of living,
and my tithe. Men always made more, since they paid for all dates. The church did not
want their employees in debt, said it was sinful, so they asked me to bring in my credit card
statements so they could help me work out a payment plan. Pretty cool perk! So, for every
$100 I paid toward the balance, the church would pay $300, so within 12 months, it would
be paid off. (I even have that one in writing). Funny that I never knew everyone‘s tithe
went towards paying off ministry staff‘s debts. Even costs I ran up on Spring Breaks and at
bars.
My parents were very surprised at my announcement that I would be on ministry staff. I
had no ministry training, no teen counseling training, just experience being a teen camp
counselor. I had gone to graduate school for sports medicine and now I was going into the
ministry. They had never heard of an employer paying off credit card debt, either.
Interesting. I thought that they just didn‘t ―get it,‖ they didn‘t have God in their lives, and
they couldn‘t relate anymore. Our conversations had become brief and strained, as had my
conversations with my best friends from college. I think this was when my parents started
to seriously question what I had gotten involved with.
I had gotten very busy with quiet times, discipling times (d-times) with my teen workers
and teens, d-time with Caroline, planning with Shawn, and leading studies with my teens. I
was even singing on stage on Sundays, at services in the West. When I told the leaders
that I could not sing very well, they said, ―Just step back from the microphone‖. My days
often involved getting up between 5 and 6 AM to go to a group prayer, do my quiet time,
meet with my people, studies, social events or mid-week, or teen worker meetings until
midnight or studies with the singles that would go even later. I was getting very little sleep.

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I was exhausted and I got sick. I got bronchitis that I could not shake. (I am usually very
healthy and rarely get sick). I had to go through a series of steroids to improve. But, I was
working for God, so it would all be fine. Taking time for myself, even to rest was seen as
selfish and therefore sinful.
I recall doing studies with children of disciples. My girls were between the ages of 13 and
18. We would go through the standard progression The Word, Discipleship, and on. When
we got to the Sin Study we would go through their homework of writing down all of the sins
they had ever committed, from as far back as they could remember and discussing them.
Towards the end, I would ask them if they realized that what they had done had put Jesus
on the Cross. If they were not emotionally shaken, crying, ―broken‖, they didn‘t ―get it.‖
So their homework would be to go back through their sin study and their list and see if they
had Godly sorrow or ―earthly‖ sorrow. In other words, did they just feel sorry for
themselves, or for their sins. This was after we had created an urgency to be baptized from
the Discipleship study. Who was I, or any other leader, to determine a child‘s faith, and to
withhold salvation? I was leading as I had been taught, by imitating my leaders.
Seeing Shawn everyday was essential for work, but I found that I was less attracted to him.
I told Caroline that I still wanted to work with Shawn, but I was not interested in dating him
anymore. I thought he was sort of bossy. Well, that next week just prior to our staff
meeting, Kim Sapp called me and Caroline and Sandra into her office. She said, ―You are a
fool! Shawn is an awesome, righteous man. A leader in God‘s Kingdom. If I could arrange
this marriage, I would. You are a strong ministry team. You will continue to date him.‖ And
on and on, what was wrong with me, I was not putting God first. I was independent and not
submissive to God‘s plan. I left her office with red, puffy eyes, and had to face the entire
staff of about 40 people. Obviously, I had done something wrong. I felt that I had, too. I
did not question Kim‘s ―advice.‖
Along came February and I heard that my three best friends from college were getting
together in Winston-Salem. They couldn‘t get together without me, so I asked for a few
days off to go see them. I soon met up with my friends a Catholic, a Jew, and a Southern
Baptist. Our company was not as comfortable as usual, something was weighing over the
group. Finally I asked them, ―What do you think about what I am doing?‖ I had opened a
can of worms. They asked me about my sports med career, about dating, about all kinds of
stuff. They asked me, ―What if you wanted to date someone outside of the church?‖ I told
them that it was not done, and that if I wanted to, I would have to leave the church (I had
seen a friend do that). ―What does that mean?‖ It means that I am leaving God. ―What
does that mean?‖ It means that I am going to hell. ―So you are saying that if we are not
part of your church, we are going to hell?‖ Well, yes. ―So we are all going to hell?‖ Yes.
Now that was uncomfortable. We talked about all of the people that lived and died between
the first century church and 1979 when the ICC was formed. What happened to them? I
wasn‘t sure. I took that question back to Carolyn.
As soon as I returned to Atlanta, I called Carolyn very upset. I wanted to meet and talk. I
distinctly remember walking along the Chattahoochee River posing that question about the
people between the first century church and 1979 to Carolyn. She told me that there was a
―Remnant Theory‖ that there was always a remnant of true believers on earth, God‘s
Kingdom like the current ICC movement, who were saved, and in 1979 in Boston was when
they were called together. I asked her where that was written. She told me that it wasn‘t. I
told her to take me off of staff, because I could not teach the teens something that I did not
believe and that I could not read in the Bible. The fact was, there could have been true
believers who were not part of the ICC in the past, so couldn‘t there be now? No. The
Kingdom study proves that, go back through your studies. And that I did. I became the
―problem child.‖ I was put back in Dunwoody and had to go back through my studies with
Sandra, Marissa, Julie, Angela, and Ally. Every time I got to the Kingdom study I hit a wall.