Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 15, No. 2, 1998, page 7
That was the end of our involvement with the Emissaries of Divine Light, but it was also the
beginning of the end of our marriage, because our marriage had been so much a part of the
group, and we were both completely indoctrinated when we met. This was, for me, the
beginning of a major change-of reinventing myself, figuring out ―Who am I?‖ ―Where do I
fit?‖ and ―Where is God in all of this?‖ It was the beginning of a long time of recovery. I
stayed in therapy for two years from that point.
Theology of the Group
Let me talk some about the theology of the group. It was loosely Bible-based, in that they
used the Bible as a springboard. In a nutshell, they referred to the Old Testament as the
first sacred school and the New Testament as the second sacred school, and they were
writing the third sacred school. They incorporated lots of New Age kinds of ideas as well.
There was much ―You-create-your-own-reality‖ and ―You-are-at-the-center-of-the-universe‖
thinking. They referred to theirs as a vibrational ministry, so your vibes always had to be
clear or you were wreaking destruction in the world. Mixing this and their version of biblical
history and teaching gave us a real mish-mash of stuff to try to sort out. We had lots of
responsibility. For example, if we were ―vibrationally centered,‖ we would bring peace to the
world. If we were ―vibrationally off-center,‖ we might cause war in Lebanon!
The group had the classic hierarchy, with the leader being the divine person at the top.
They said they didn‘t believe in reincarnation, but the fellow who started the group back in
the 1930s was supposed to be the incarnation --they wouldn‘t call it reincarnation --of the
spirit of John. The second man, who was the leader while I was involved, was supposed to
be the incarnation of the spirit of James. And his son, who was loosely the leader later, was
supposed to be the incarnation of Peter. Quite an elaborate system they developed.
As I mentioned earlier, all of Lifton‘s points of thought reform seem to apply very directly to
this group. (It was helpful for me to get that information later, to see how systematic the
group was.) Yet certainly it was not as if the leader sat down and studied Lifton and decided
to do things that way. It‘s just human nature for somebody who is unethical or doesn‘t have
a conscience or is accountable to nobody and is in charge to go into these patterns of
manipulation. That pattern is easy to fall into, and I think the fellows at the top in this group
probably believed what they were saying. They really thought they were inspired, so
anything they did in the name of their ―truth‖ was OK.
Recovery
To tell you something about my recovery, I, too, was very angry when I got out because I
had grown up with a spiritual life, and I truly did want to serve God. I was looking for
something, so I was perhaps unusual in that way. But I also felt very duped --totally
betrayed and totally taken in. I was very angry with God as well as anybody else. And there
was a time when I really questioned whether there was a God.
As I said, I did stay with therapy. About a year after I‘d been out of the group --at the
time, I called it coincidence, but I look back on all this, and I am less willing to call it
coincidence now --I met a couple of ex-cult members who were with the Cult Awareness
Network. One was a woman from here in Denver, and the other was Steve Hassan. They
were both ex-Moonies, and they came to visit me. (In my group, too, we had expressed
―Oh, the poor Moonies. They‘re in a cult.‖ We had also been trained about why we weren‘t a
cult and the Moonies were.) As I talked with these two people, they would ask me a
question, I would start to answer, and they‘d finish the sentence. I would ask them a
question, they‘d begin to answer, and I would finish their sentences --the ideas they had
been exposed to were the same as those I‘d learned, even down to the theology. Moon‘s
theology was very close to that of the Emissaries. That experience with these two people
was both validating, in that I did know somebody else understood, and humiliating, in that I
That was the end of our involvement with the Emissaries of Divine Light, but it was also the
beginning of the end of our marriage, because our marriage had been so much a part of the
group, and we were both completely indoctrinated when we met. This was, for me, the
beginning of a major change-of reinventing myself, figuring out ―Who am I?‖ ―Where do I
fit?‖ and ―Where is God in all of this?‖ It was the beginning of a long time of recovery. I
stayed in therapy for two years from that point.
Theology of the Group
Let me talk some about the theology of the group. It was loosely Bible-based, in that they
used the Bible as a springboard. In a nutshell, they referred to the Old Testament as the
first sacred school and the New Testament as the second sacred school, and they were
writing the third sacred school. They incorporated lots of New Age kinds of ideas as well.
There was much ―You-create-your-own-reality‖ and ―You-are-at-the-center-of-the-universe‖
thinking. They referred to theirs as a vibrational ministry, so your vibes always had to be
clear or you were wreaking destruction in the world. Mixing this and their version of biblical
history and teaching gave us a real mish-mash of stuff to try to sort out. We had lots of
responsibility. For example, if we were ―vibrationally centered,‖ we would bring peace to the
world. If we were ―vibrationally off-center,‖ we might cause war in Lebanon!
The group had the classic hierarchy, with the leader being the divine person at the top.
They said they didn‘t believe in reincarnation, but the fellow who started the group back in
the 1930s was supposed to be the incarnation --they wouldn‘t call it reincarnation --of the
spirit of John. The second man, who was the leader while I was involved, was supposed to
be the incarnation of the spirit of James. And his son, who was loosely the leader later, was
supposed to be the incarnation of Peter. Quite an elaborate system they developed.
As I mentioned earlier, all of Lifton‘s points of thought reform seem to apply very directly to
this group. (It was helpful for me to get that information later, to see how systematic the
group was.) Yet certainly it was not as if the leader sat down and studied Lifton and decided
to do things that way. It‘s just human nature for somebody who is unethical or doesn‘t have
a conscience or is accountable to nobody and is in charge to go into these patterns of
manipulation. That pattern is easy to fall into, and I think the fellows at the top in this group
probably believed what they were saying. They really thought they were inspired, so
anything they did in the name of their ―truth‖ was OK.
Recovery
To tell you something about my recovery, I, too, was very angry when I got out because I
had grown up with a spiritual life, and I truly did want to serve God. I was looking for
something, so I was perhaps unusual in that way. But I also felt very duped --totally
betrayed and totally taken in. I was very angry with God as well as anybody else. And there
was a time when I really questioned whether there was a God.
As I said, I did stay with therapy. About a year after I‘d been out of the group --at the
time, I called it coincidence, but I look back on all this, and I am less willing to call it
coincidence now --I met a couple of ex-cult members who were with the Cult Awareness
Network. One was a woman from here in Denver, and the other was Steve Hassan. They
were both ex-Moonies, and they came to visit me. (In my group, too, we had expressed
―Oh, the poor Moonies. They‘re in a cult.‖ We had also been trained about why we weren‘t a
cult and the Moonies were.) As I talked with these two people, they would ask me a
question, I would start to answer, and they‘d finish the sentence. I would ask them a
question, they‘d begin to answer, and I would finish their sentences --the ideas they had
been exposed to were the same as those I‘d learned, even down to the theology. Moon‘s
theology was very close to that of the Emissaries. That experience with these two people
was both validating, in that I did know somebody else understood, and humiliating, in that I
