Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 15, No. 2, 1998, page 6
Leaving the Group
I look at our marriage as the beginning of our leaving, because my husband was willing to
question, even within the context of the group and the mind control. While we were in
Glenwood and trying to start a group, we received very little support. Finally, it started to
become obvious that all our energy, money, and efforts were going up the hierarchy of the
group while nothing was coming back to us. So my husband did not want to be involved any
more, partly just for financial reasons. He couldn‘t keep driving from Glenwood to Loveland
every weekend. Then he ended up being out of work for a while, which was devastating to
him. But he had a lot of time to think, and he was privately beginning to think that our
involvement with this group was not a very healthy thing, though he did not tell me this. He
also was having lots of physical symptoms of illness, and he was terrified that he had
cancer. As I look back, I really think now that his symptoms were a phobic reaction to our
leaving the group, to our moving away.
Let me just say here that our group was not as extreme as other groups. We were not
physically abused we were not tormented. Yet the suggestions were certainly there that if
we left, we could fully expect to die so the thought of leaving was a terrifying one.
My husband was having enough physical symptoms that he did go to a medical doctor. The
doctor could find nothing. My husband continued to have the symptoms, so the doctor
gently suggested that he get some counseling. He was desperate enough to hear that, and
he did seek a counselor. The counselor happened to have been to one weekend workshop
on cults, so she had a little information-which, as most of us know, is not very common. So
we were fortunate.
My husband went just a couple of times to the counselor, then he asked me to come, too,
for some marriage counseling. I was not at all interested: The counselor was not an
Emissary, so she didn‘t have anything to say to me. My husband continued to try to
convince me to come just once. I finally did, and the counselor didn‘t have horns or
anything, so I went a second time.
The second or third time we were together in counseling my husband was able to say to me
in the counselor‘s presence that he thought we were in a cult. To do it that way was very
wise on his part, because if he had said it directly to me, I would have bolted and been right
back to Loveland-I would have left him immediately. But to tell me in her presence
tempered the impact, and at that point I had to listen to some rational ideas.
The counselor really didn‘t know about our group, because it was small enough that it
hadn‘t had articles written about it. She really wasn‘t questioning our involvement at that
time either, except that because we had said either we‘re both in this group or we‘re both
out, or the group will not let us stay together, she became a little bit curious. She had the
packet of information she had gotten at the cult workshop, and she handed it to us.
As I read the several different articles in the packet, I had a very distinct moment of
knowing that we were in a cult, and I was out of there. The information was what was so
powerful. As we‘ve all heard here, the control of information was a large factor in our even
choosing to go into the group in the first place, and certainly access to information was an
important factor in our coming out.
At that point, in 1984, when I had been in for 13 years, we left the group. About a month
later, we wrote letters to the group telling them, ―Don‘t have anything more to do with us.
Do not contact us. Don‘t call us.‖ And they didn‘t, which also was sad for us, because we
had given our lifeblood to this group for 13 years, and now they acted as if we didn‘t exist.
They took us at our word and had nothing more to do with us.
Leaving the Group
I look at our marriage as the beginning of our leaving, because my husband was willing to
question, even within the context of the group and the mind control. While we were in
Glenwood and trying to start a group, we received very little support. Finally, it started to
become obvious that all our energy, money, and efforts were going up the hierarchy of the
group while nothing was coming back to us. So my husband did not want to be involved any
more, partly just for financial reasons. He couldn‘t keep driving from Glenwood to Loveland
every weekend. Then he ended up being out of work for a while, which was devastating to
him. But he had a lot of time to think, and he was privately beginning to think that our
involvement with this group was not a very healthy thing, though he did not tell me this. He
also was having lots of physical symptoms of illness, and he was terrified that he had
cancer. As I look back, I really think now that his symptoms were a phobic reaction to our
leaving the group, to our moving away.
Let me just say here that our group was not as extreme as other groups. We were not
physically abused we were not tormented. Yet the suggestions were certainly there that if
we left, we could fully expect to die so the thought of leaving was a terrifying one.
My husband was having enough physical symptoms that he did go to a medical doctor. The
doctor could find nothing. My husband continued to have the symptoms, so the doctor
gently suggested that he get some counseling. He was desperate enough to hear that, and
he did seek a counselor. The counselor happened to have been to one weekend workshop
on cults, so she had a little information-which, as most of us know, is not very common. So
we were fortunate.
My husband went just a couple of times to the counselor, then he asked me to come, too,
for some marriage counseling. I was not at all interested: The counselor was not an
Emissary, so she didn‘t have anything to say to me. My husband continued to try to
convince me to come just once. I finally did, and the counselor didn‘t have horns or
anything, so I went a second time.
The second or third time we were together in counseling my husband was able to say to me
in the counselor‘s presence that he thought we were in a cult. To do it that way was very
wise on his part, because if he had said it directly to me, I would have bolted and been right
back to Loveland-I would have left him immediately. But to tell me in her presence
tempered the impact, and at that point I had to listen to some rational ideas.
The counselor really didn‘t know about our group, because it was small enough that it
hadn‘t had articles written about it. She really wasn‘t questioning our involvement at that
time either, except that because we had said either we‘re both in this group or we‘re both
out, or the group will not let us stay together, she became a little bit curious. She had the
packet of information she had gotten at the cult workshop, and she handed it to us.
As I read the several different articles in the packet, I had a very distinct moment of
knowing that we were in a cult, and I was out of there. The information was what was so
powerful. As we‘ve all heard here, the control of information was a large factor in our even
choosing to go into the group in the first place, and certainly access to information was an
important factor in our coming out.
At that point, in 1984, when I had been in for 13 years, we left the group. About a month
later, we wrote letters to the group telling them, ―Don‘t have anything more to do with us.
Do not contact us. Don‘t call us.‖ And they didn‘t, which also was sad for us, because we
had given our lifeblood to this group for 13 years, and now they acted as if we didn‘t exist.
They took us at our word and had nothing more to do with us.
