Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 15, No. 2, 1998, page 5
of the leaders owned them, so we didn‘t have access to the news or anything else). The
milieu control and the indoctrination through the classes were thorough.
We initially had not been told the group had anything to do with religion, yet our classes
were definitely about spiritual issues. One of the morning classes of the four-hour sessions
was an hour of Bible study, which for us gave lots of credibility to all the other stuff we were
learning. Somebody would go to the front of the room with the Bible every day, and even
though it might never be opened, it still had a really strong symbolic effect on us. This mix
of the group‘s own theology and the Biblical teaching was confusing, but it also sucked us in
more easily.
After that summer, I did go back and finish college, but I was unusual in the group. Many
people were talked out of finishing school. I think now that part of why the group allowed
me-even encouraged me --to finish was because I was getting a degree in education and I
would be valuable to them, because they wanted to start their own school.
I finished school, and then I skipped graduation to go to a three-month-long class of the
same sort as the previous one-month class I had taken. At that point I was really
entrenched, and I stayed at the training headquarters in upstate New York to continue
training new recruits, where I lived for another five years. During that time, I met another
member of the Emissaries whom I married a year later. (Because the group initially would
not sanction our relationship, it took him a year to convince them to do so. They finally
decided they‘d have to sanction it, so they made it look like the idea was theirs, and we got
married.)
Now that I look back, I realize that, fortunately, the fellow I married was a rabble-rouser,
even within the context of the group. He was as thoroughly indoctrinated as I or anybody
else was, but he pushed the edges a little more than some people did. About six months
after our marriage, he decided that this part of the group was becoming corrupt, and we
really needed to move to some other part of the group. We felt the group was still fine, and
that they truly did have the truth with a capital T, but we needed to be with a different part
of the organization. So he managed to get us out of that part of the group.
Move To Colorado
It was now 1979, and we moved to Manhattan for six weeks to earn money to move out to
Colorado. The group had not given us permission to go to New York City. So I was in major
turmoil because we were going against the hierarchy and, I felt, must be out of the grace of
God as a result. I was terrified that we would be struck down at any moment, but I still
went along with my husband. We went to New York and earned the money to come to
Loveland, Colorado (the international headquarters for the Emissaries) and attend another
class, thinking that this would redeem us-clear our involvement with the group and make
everything holy again. In and of itself, that move to New York City was a culture shock but
as I look back, I realize it also was significant as the beginning of our eventually leaving the
group.
We did live at Sunrise Ranch for a few months, but then the group moved us to a very small
center in Colorado Springs, which was a demotion. We had been in the big center in New
York where we trained everybody else, and we were now being pushed to the outskirts of
the group. We were in Colorado Springs only about six months, then we moved to Glenwood
Springs with another couple who had also been rabble-rousers of a sort. The four of us
thought that together we would start a new Emissaries Center, and thereby redeem
ourselves, and regain the good graces of the group. Well, I can say now that fortunately we
failed. That was 1980, and it was still another four years before my husband and I finally
left.
of the leaders owned them, so we didn‘t have access to the news or anything else). The
milieu control and the indoctrination through the classes were thorough.
We initially had not been told the group had anything to do with religion, yet our classes
were definitely about spiritual issues. One of the morning classes of the four-hour sessions
was an hour of Bible study, which for us gave lots of credibility to all the other stuff we were
learning. Somebody would go to the front of the room with the Bible every day, and even
though it might never be opened, it still had a really strong symbolic effect on us. This mix
of the group‘s own theology and the Biblical teaching was confusing, but it also sucked us in
more easily.
After that summer, I did go back and finish college, but I was unusual in the group. Many
people were talked out of finishing school. I think now that part of why the group allowed
me-even encouraged me --to finish was because I was getting a degree in education and I
would be valuable to them, because they wanted to start their own school.
I finished school, and then I skipped graduation to go to a three-month-long class of the
same sort as the previous one-month class I had taken. At that point I was really
entrenched, and I stayed at the training headquarters in upstate New York to continue
training new recruits, where I lived for another five years. During that time, I met another
member of the Emissaries whom I married a year later. (Because the group initially would
not sanction our relationship, it took him a year to convince them to do so. They finally
decided they‘d have to sanction it, so they made it look like the idea was theirs, and we got
married.)
Now that I look back, I realize that, fortunately, the fellow I married was a rabble-rouser,
even within the context of the group. He was as thoroughly indoctrinated as I or anybody
else was, but he pushed the edges a little more than some people did. About six months
after our marriage, he decided that this part of the group was becoming corrupt, and we
really needed to move to some other part of the group. We felt the group was still fine, and
that they truly did have the truth with a capital T, but we needed to be with a different part
of the organization. So he managed to get us out of that part of the group.
Move To Colorado
It was now 1979, and we moved to Manhattan for six weeks to earn money to move out to
Colorado. The group had not given us permission to go to New York City. So I was in major
turmoil because we were going against the hierarchy and, I felt, must be out of the grace of
God as a result. I was terrified that we would be struck down at any moment, but I still
went along with my husband. We went to New York and earned the money to come to
Loveland, Colorado (the international headquarters for the Emissaries) and attend another
class, thinking that this would redeem us-clear our involvement with the group and make
everything holy again. In and of itself, that move to New York City was a culture shock but
as I look back, I realize it also was significant as the beginning of our eventually leaving the
group.
We did live at Sunrise Ranch for a few months, but then the group moved us to a very small
center in Colorado Springs, which was a demotion. We had been in the big center in New
York where we trained everybody else, and we were now being pushed to the outskirts of
the group. We were in Colorado Springs only about six months, then we moved to Glenwood
Springs with another couple who had also been rabble-rousers of a sort. The four of us
thought that together we would start a new Emissaries Center, and thereby redeem
ourselves, and regain the good graces of the group. Well, I can say now that fortunately we
failed. That was 1980, and it was still another four years before my husband and I finally
left.
