Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 15, No. 2, 1998, page 14
Finally, in early January of 1984, my wife and I received information about some of the so-
called counseling the leader had been doing that we knew could not be justified biblically.
This knowledge became the proverbial straw for us.
About 90 percent certain that the information given to us was accurate, I confronted the
leader about what we had learned. I recall verbatim his response to me: ―I knew when I
entered this ministry I‘d be accused of such things. If I tell you that what you‘ve been told
is false, you‘ll call me a liar. If I tell you it‘s true, you‘ll leave anyway. So believe what you
will.‖ In effect, he pleaded the Fifth Amendment. Looking back, I realize it was obvious to
me then that he had been caught previously in this sin and had rehearsed this response
many times before. I knew without a doubt that what we had been told was true, and that
same day, my wife and I parted company with the group.
Recovering
The recovery process seemed overwhelming. We had a great number of immediate needs.
We had four children by this time. We had gigantic financial concerns and social issues to
address, such as getting back in touch with friends and relatives outside of the group. And I
had many unanswered questions: Who was I now? Where did I fit into life? Questions about
the sovereignty of God were looming, threatening to undo me. My emotions were running
rampant. I was very angry. Furthermore, I didn‘t know how to deal with the intensity of my
resentment. I seriously needed direction and support.
Fortunately, even though we found ourselves floating, we sought help. We were living near
a Baptist church, and we knew that one of the group‘s ex-members was attending there. It
was extremely hard, but we started regularly attending the church. While we were out of
our old group, the group‘s influence was far from out of us. We spent much of our time
during the first few years unjustly criticizing the sermons and the lack of staff and member
availability, and anything that was a perceived threat to our autonomy.
It was here we met Alan Myatt, the director of Shield of Faith (a countercult lay organization
of the Baptist church), and his wife Kathy, who herself came out of a very abusive,
controlling, Bible-based cult. I soon found I needed to rethink both my behavior patterns
and my beliefs. I needed to relearn how to trust religious authority figures. I needed a
tighter, healthier set of personal boundaries. I had become accustomed to stuffing most of
my feelings, allowing only acceptable ones to surface, and I needed to grow up emotionally.
I needed to learn how to use good, biblically oriented patterns of critical-thinking skills. Most
of all, I had become accustomed to pretending I was living a wonderful, satisfying,
victorious life --a pretense far from reality.
God chose four spheres of influence within a particular timeframe to meet those needs, and
the timing itself was a key element. For me to seek professional counseling was unthinkable
at that time, though it was highly recommended. Counseling? I still had in my mind a false
vision of what counseling was. It meant exposing myself to verbal coercion it meant having
things imposed on me that simply hurt and didn‘t help. It was a couple of years after I got
out of the group before I was ready for any formal counseling.
Meanwhile, I did work with some of the cognitive issues. Alan had suggested several
outstanding books on the subject of spiritual authority and spirituality, and these books had
a great deal of influence and impact on me. Books such as Being Human, by R. Macaulay
and Jerome Barrs, and Sheep and Shepherds, by Barrs, together with articles by Ron
Enroth, helped immensely. I started to attend school again (not immediately here at Denver
Seminary). School helped me to start rethinking my experience. I started to write down
what I had been through, which helped me verbalize and identify both what had actually
happened to me and my part in it. Writing was very helpful, because it allowed me a safe
emotional distance from which to work on the issues of false beliefs. I also listened to many
Finally, in early January of 1984, my wife and I received information about some of the so-
called counseling the leader had been doing that we knew could not be justified biblically.
This knowledge became the proverbial straw for us.
About 90 percent certain that the information given to us was accurate, I confronted the
leader about what we had learned. I recall verbatim his response to me: ―I knew when I
entered this ministry I‘d be accused of such things. If I tell you that what you‘ve been told
is false, you‘ll call me a liar. If I tell you it‘s true, you‘ll leave anyway. So believe what you
will.‖ In effect, he pleaded the Fifth Amendment. Looking back, I realize it was obvious to
me then that he had been caught previously in this sin and had rehearsed this response
many times before. I knew without a doubt that what we had been told was true, and that
same day, my wife and I parted company with the group.
Recovering
The recovery process seemed overwhelming. We had a great number of immediate needs.
We had four children by this time. We had gigantic financial concerns and social issues to
address, such as getting back in touch with friends and relatives outside of the group. And I
had many unanswered questions: Who was I now? Where did I fit into life? Questions about
the sovereignty of God were looming, threatening to undo me. My emotions were running
rampant. I was very angry. Furthermore, I didn‘t know how to deal with the intensity of my
resentment. I seriously needed direction and support.
Fortunately, even though we found ourselves floating, we sought help. We were living near
a Baptist church, and we knew that one of the group‘s ex-members was attending there. It
was extremely hard, but we started regularly attending the church. While we were out of
our old group, the group‘s influence was far from out of us. We spent much of our time
during the first few years unjustly criticizing the sermons and the lack of staff and member
availability, and anything that was a perceived threat to our autonomy.
It was here we met Alan Myatt, the director of Shield of Faith (a countercult lay organization
of the Baptist church), and his wife Kathy, who herself came out of a very abusive,
controlling, Bible-based cult. I soon found I needed to rethink both my behavior patterns
and my beliefs. I needed to relearn how to trust religious authority figures. I needed a
tighter, healthier set of personal boundaries. I had become accustomed to stuffing most of
my feelings, allowing only acceptable ones to surface, and I needed to grow up emotionally.
I needed to learn how to use good, biblically oriented patterns of critical-thinking skills. Most
of all, I had become accustomed to pretending I was living a wonderful, satisfying,
victorious life --a pretense far from reality.
God chose four spheres of influence within a particular timeframe to meet those needs, and
the timing itself was a key element. For me to seek professional counseling was unthinkable
at that time, though it was highly recommended. Counseling? I still had in my mind a false
vision of what counseling was. It meant exposing myself to verbal coercion it meant having
things imposed on me that simply hurt and didn‘t help. It was a couple of years after I got
out of the group before I was ready for any formal counseling.
Meanwhile, I did work with some of the cognitive issues. Alan had suggested several
outstanding books on the subject of spiritual authority and spirituality, and these books had
a great deal of influence and impact on me. Books such as Being Human, by R. Macaulay
and Jerome Barrs, and Sheep and Shepherds, by Barrs, together with articles by Ron
Enroth, helped immensely. I started to attend school again (not immediately here at Denver
Seminary). School helped me to start rethinking my experience. I started to write down
what I had been through, which helped me verbalize and identify both what had actually
happened to me and my part in it. Writing was very helpful, because it allowed me a safe
emotional distance from which to work on the issues of false beliefs. I also listened to many
