48 International Journal of Cultic Studies ■ Vol. 10, 2019
Sarah determined that the diagnosis would not
be helpful for her because she attributed her
symptoms to the programming she experienced
in the cult. She stated that she wished to work
toward merging her alters with her primary
personality.
Sarah’s most prominent alter was Fred, a young
man about age 10 who “lives in a library in my
head.” She described Fred as coming into
existence during a sexual assault during which
the perpetrator repeatedly stated that “girls can’t
do anything ...they’re only good for sex.” Fred
then took over the counseling session, stating
that he had switched with Sarah, the “shell
personality” that “holds us.” He then described
the sexual assault in greater detail, and how he
came into existence during that violent sexual
assault to protect Sarah from the experience.
Fred also allowed Sarah to deny the many
negative statements made by cult members
about her worth as a female. When cult members
or “customers” would degrade Sarah, she said
Fred would assume the primary personality and
tell everyone that she was not a girl, so those
things “did not apply to me.” Sara identified
customers as the individuals whom “my mom
trafficked me to.” These individuals provided
Sarah’s mother “with drugs” in exchange for sex
with her daughter, sex that Sarah described as
violent and “sick.”
Throughout treatment, Sarah identified alters
who “held specific memories.” Whenever a new
memory surfaced, her recall of fragments of the
memory brought the alter into an awareness of
who held the memory. Sarah said that she had
given most of the alters names, but that some of
them had informed her of their name. One alter
named Mangle held immense pain, especially in
her feet and left side of her face. Mangle stated
that she was 6 years old. During session, Sarah
asked to bring Mangle into the room. Upon
switching with the primary personality, Mangle
began rocking back and forth as if to self-soothe.
While rocking, Mangle began shaking her head
left to right as though her head were on a swivel.
She made no eye contact with me, and she
recalled torture that included “being drugged,”
then laid down on a table and having needles
placed underneath her toenails. She said that the
left side of her face hurt terribly, that the light in
the room hurt her eyes, and there was “just so
much pain.” Mangle sat with me for about ten
minutes, then asked in a fearful voice to leave
because she couldn’t “take any more pain.”
Mangle then switched back to Sarah, who
reported being an observer to Mangle’s pain and
behavior in the session. Sarah stated again that,
other than her experiences with alter Roe, her
primary personality “rarely fully goes away”
when she switches to another alter.
Switching in session became a routine
experience because Sarah said that allowing her
alters to speak encouraged them to “merge with
me.” She stated that previous alters, including
the most violent and angry alter, had merged
with her primary self. She identified the merging
process as one that enabled alters to process the
memories and pain they carried, which then
allowed them to become one with Sarah. When
their voices were heard, Sarah no longer needed
them to protect her by holding the suffering in a
separate space outside of her awareness.
Phase 3: New Awareness
Sarah’s acknowledgement of alternate versions
of the self and embrace of the emotions and
body memories they carried created new
awareness. After switching and processing the
alters’ material in session, Sarah’s primary
personality described remembering each of the
alter’s memories with vivid clarity. Sarah
reported a new sense of wholeness and physical
integrity after each alter had merged with her
primary self.
Sarah celebrated the loss of each alter
personality while grieving the loss of her
childhood, and of healthy attachment to the
persons tasked with caring for her child self.
Remembering the role her mother played in her
abuse had caused Sarah to question what it
means to be a mother. She reframed experiences
with her mom as “teaching me what not to do as
a parent,” and she cried when discussing the
loving bond between herself and her two
daughters.
One of Sarah’s primary fears was that her
mother or former cult members would find her
and carry out the threats they made about
Sarah determined that the diagnosis would not
be helpful for her because she attributed her
symptoms to the programming she experienced
in the cult. She stated that she wished to work
toward merging her alters with her primary
personality.
Sarah’s most prominent alter was Fred, a young
man about age 10 who “lives in a library in my
head.” She described Fred as coming into
existence during a sexual assault during which
the perpetrator repeatedly stated that “girls can’t
do anything ...they’re only good for sex.” Fred
then took over the counseling session, stating
that he had switched with Sarah, the “shell
personality” that “holds us.” He then described
the sexual assault in greater detail, and how he
came into existence during that violent sexual
assault to protect Sarah from the experience.
Fred also allowed Sarah to deny the many
negative statements made by cult members
about her worth as a female. When cult members
or “customers” would degrade Sarah, she said
Fred would assume the primary personality and
tell everyone that she was not a girl, so those
things “did not apply to me.” Sara identified
customers as the individuals whom “my mom
trafficked me to.” These individuals provided
Sarah’s mother “with drugs” in exchange for sex
with her daughter, sex that Sarah described as
violent and “sick.”
Throughout treatment, Sarah identified alters
who “held specific memories.” Whenever a new
memory surfaced, her recall of fragments of the
memory brought the alter into an awareness of
who held the memory. Sarah said that she had
given most of the alters names, but that some of
them had informed her of their name. One alter
named Mangle held immense pain, especially in
her feet and left side of her face. Mangle stated
that she was 6 years old. During session, Sarah
asked to bring Mangle into the room. Upon
switching with the primary personality, Mangle
began rocking back and forth as if to self-soothe.
While rocking, Mangle began shaking her head
left to right as though her head were on a swivel.
She made no eye contact with me, and she
recalled torture that included “being drugged,”
then laid down on a table and having needles
placed underneath her toenails. She said that the
left side of her face hurt terribly, that the light in
the room hurt her eyes, and there was “just so
much pain.” Mangle sat with me for about ten
minutes, then asked in a fearful voice to leave
because she couldn’t “take any more pain.”
Mangle then switched back to Sarah, who
reported being an observer to Mangle’s pain and
behavior in the session. Sarah stated again that,
other than her experiences with alter Roe, her
primary personality “rarely fully goes away”
when she switches to another alter.
Switching in session became a routine
experience because Sarah said that allowing her
alters to speak encouraged them to “merge with
me.” She stated that previous alters, including
the most violent and angry alter, had merged
with her primary self. She identified the merging
process as one that enabled alters to process the
memories and pain they carried, which then
allowed them to become one with Sarah. When
their voices were heard, Sarah no longer needed
them to protect her by holding the suffering in a
separate space outside of her awareness.
Phase 3: New Awareness
Sarah’s acknowledgement of alternate versions
of the self and embrace of the emotions and
body memories they carried created new
awareness. After switching and processing the
alters’ material in session, Sarah’s primary
personality described remembering each of the
alter’s memories with vivid clarity. Sarah
reported a new sense of wholeness and physical
integrity after each alter had merged with her
primary self.
Sarah celebrated the loss of each alter
personality while grieving the loss of her
childhood, and of healthy attachment to the
persons tasked with caring for her child self.
Remembering the role her mother played in her
abuse had caused Sarah to question what it
means to be a mother. She reframed experiences
with her mom as “teaching me what not to do as
a parent,” and she cried when discussing the
loving bond between herself and her two
daughters.
One of Sarah’s primary fears was that her
mother or former cult members would find her
and carry out the threats they made about
