Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 6, No. 1, 1989, Page 65
on the road to independence now. When the family hovers over the former cultist and
imply through their actions that ex-members will be helpless when confronted by the
powerful cult, they may be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. A more helpful message is to
remind the former cultists that the cult has only as much power over anyone as that person
is willing to give it.
Of course, former cultists often have unexpressed doubts about their ability to make
independent decisions and may project those doubts onto the family. As mentioned
previously, one‟s sense of self has been attacked in a dramatic manner, and former cultists
need time to re-establish their own identity. Former cultists are exquisitely sensitive to
parental pressures and may respond to mild suggestions with the extravagant anger which
is usually seen in much younger adolescents. This anger is often a displacement from anger
that cannot be directed at cult leaders. As previously mentioned, some former cultists deal
with these feelings by insisting that they would have left the cult on their own if given
enough time.
Sometimes families are afraid that the cult will retaliate as a result of the ex-cultist‟s
departure. In some cases, there is reason to be afraid, particularly if the former cultist
knows secrets which the cult would not like to become public. However, in most cases this
fear is another manifestation of a free-floating anxiety stemming from the family‟s
ambivalence over their decision to intervene in the child‟s life. In particular, intervening
dramatically is a difficult action for most families to take, even if they believe that this is the
only way they will dislodge their child from a destructive situation.
After a few months, family members are generally ready to go on with their own lives. They
are relieved that this painful chapter in the life of the family is finally over. They may be
impatient for the former cultist to get on with his/her life, because they feel guilty about
moving on themselves if the former cultist cannot do the same. However, it may take the
former cult member longer to go on. Often, families prod the former cultists to make
decisions which they are not ready to make. Former cultists respond to this pressure by
feeling that the family is attempting to control them. It is important for former cultists to
feel that they are once again in control of their lives, even if they exercise their decision-
making capacity by temporarily postponing decision-making.
Families often experience anger toward returning members, because, for example, they
cannot help blaming them for behavior that was orchestrated by the cult. While in the cult
the cult-involved person may have missed important family events and did not share times
of joy and grief with their families. At other times, the family‟s anger manifests in indirect
ways, for example, in overly solicitous behavior toward the former cultist. It is advisable for
the clinician to help the family acknowledge their feelings and air them as a step towards
their resolution.
Lastly, we should mention the joy which families feel upon reunion with the former cultists.
This joy is re-experienced again and again as the families see former cultists begin to lose
some of their identification with the cult leader and develop into unique individuals who are
free again to take part in family life as much as they desire.
Parents in Cults
We would now like to turn to a family situation which is becoming increasingly problematic.
Growing numbers of adult children are discovering that their parents have been seduced by
a cult. The common problems experienced by families who face a member‟s cult
involvement are compounded by the victim‟s age, physical and emotional condition, the
necessity of involving siblings and other relatives in the decision-making process, and the
required familial role reversal.
on the road to independence now. When the family hovers over the former cultist and
imply through their actions that ex-members will be helpless when confronted by the
powerful cult, they may be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. A more helpful message is to
remind the former cultists that the cult has only as much power over anyone as that person
is willing to give it.
Of course, former cultists often have unexpressed doubts about their ability to make
independent decisions and may project those doubts onto the family. As mentioned
previously, one‟s sense of self has been attacked in a dramatic manner, and former cultists
need time to re-establish their own identity. Former cultists are exquisitely sensitive to
parental pressures and may respond to mild suggestions with the extravagant anger which
is usually seen in much younger adolescents. This anger is often a displacement from anger
that cannot be directed at cult leaders. As previously mentioned, some former cultists deal
with these feelings by insisting that they would have left the cult on their own if given
enough time.
Sometimes families are afraid that the cult will retaliate as a result of the ex-cultist‟s
departure. In some cases, there is reason to be afraid, particularly if the former cultist
knows secrets which the cult would not like to become public. However, in most cases this
fear is another manifestation of a free-floating anxiety stemming from the family‟s
ambivalence over their decision to intervene in the child‟s life. In particular, intervening
dramatically is a difficult action for most families to take, even if they believe that this is the
only way they will dislodge their child from a destructive situation.
After a few months, family members are generally ready to go on with their own lives. They
are relieved that this painful chapter in the life of the family is finally over. They may be
impatient for the former cultist to get on with his/her life, because they feel guilty about
moving on themselves if the former cultist cannot do the same. However, it may take the
former cult member longer to go on. Often, families prod the former cultists to make
decisions which they are not ready to make. Former cultists respond to this pressure by
feeling that the family is attempting to control them. It is important for former cultists to
feel that they are once again in control of their lives, even if they exercise their decision-
making capacity by temporarily postponing decision-making.
Families often experience anger toward returning members, because, for example, they
cannot help blaming them for behavior that was orchestrated by the cult. While in the cult
the cult-involved person may have missed important family events and did not share times
of joy and grief with their families. At other times, the family‟s anger manifests in indirect
ways, for example, in overly solicitous behavior toward the former cultist. It is advisable for
the clinician to help the family acknowledge their feelings and air them as a step towards
their resolution.
Lastly, we should mention the joy which families feel upon reunion with the former cultists.
This joy is re-experienced again and again as the families see former cultists begin to lose
some of their identification with the cult leader and develop into unique individuals who are
free again to take part in family life as much as they desire.
Parents in Cults
We would now like to turn to a family situation which is becoming increasingly problematic.
Growing numbers of adult children are discovering that their parents have been seduced by
a cult. The common problems experienced by families who face a member‟s cult
involvement are compounded by the victim‟s age, physical and emotional condition, the
necessity of involving siblings and other relatives in the decision-making process, and the
required familial role reversal.
